Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
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Top comments
mmmPoptarts 6
That's only if you're still fertile
jackson41 4
Good thing guys constantly generate new sperm! Lol girls don't generate new "eggs" ever, so if they get damages they literally damage their future children. Nerd moment srry :P
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Comments (107)
Almandine 7
It's okay sperm don't last that long anyway...
fuckmebutdontfml 16
Could this.be karma for when "the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand." ???
theBIGmack92 6
I think I felt a little pain just reading this.
thisiscat 14
ouch...
TheChosenSpoon 0
Ouch,OP I think you shouldnt expect children,that might have destroyed chances by a lot!
Mahat 0
Natures attempt at birth control?
Michael_92 20
Just think, usually the stronger ones would produce a better kid too. Not saying to go out and hit yourself to make sure ONLY the strong ones live lol.
marcsyo 11
so your talking about shaving your butt hole.
Michael_92 20
So I wasn't the only one that thought backyard meant something else!! haha
AgaveLoco 5
Hit in the testicles does not cause infertility or problems with sperm quality... but tremendous pain OUCH!
itsharkley 8
A damage too severe to the testicles WILL cause problems in fertility. Y U not educated?!
littlebluepill 1
Hahahahahaaaa!! That's hilarious!
waffle3z 6
**** you.