Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
MoronsAccount1 12
I don't even have a smartass comment to make. I genuinely sympathize for your misfortune.....
Norvi 26
I get that OP was embarrassed, but wouldn't telling the bf have been a better option?
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Comments (150)
PearlCorinn 13
This sounds just like a Cosmo confession I read in this month's issue.
aligater10 7
did you try fixing it first? seriously im sooo sorry:(
bowelmovements 4
Lmao
mikepzz 27
So instead of just asking someone to help you.. You decided to pick up a soaking wet piece of poop, delicately wrap it in toilet paper then throw it in the neighbours bush. Really?
ariaofdoom 16
That is disgusting. How immature do you have to be in order to be embarrassed by pooping? Clogged toilets happen...
hurley12 30
What the ****.. I'd rather just tell my brother his toilet broke and I just took a dump.. I mean he is family...
KimmyCupZ 21
Why were you so embarrassed about a natural bodily function? It is perfectly understandable. What isn't understandable is your logic, OP, no offence.
Boomersaint 1
women aren't suppose to shit anyways, am I right?
karen1991 15
....um, ok then??
HeartOfLead 24
I don't think that's how bathrooms work.