Hope you have one of those too

D'oh!

Today, I checked the mail. It was New Year's Day. I didn't realize my mistake until someone else pointed it out and I let out a "D'oh!" like Homer Simpson. FML

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

A blessing and a curse

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees". For some reason, everybody pronounces it "your anus". FML

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…

Today, at my mum’s birthday dinner, my brother-in-law used a Latin phrase in the wrong way. Since we all have learned Latin, I taught him the correct way until everyone facepalmed in my direction. He made a rather nice wordplay and now I’m known as the educated idiot who is too stupid to understand a simple joke. FML

Same

Today, a classmate wished me a “Happy Cinco De Mayo” and bought me a Mexican sombrero to wear, and little paper Mexican flags to wave around. I’m Venezuelan. FML

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML

Kwinoah?

Today, I found out that I've been pronouncing "quinoa" wrong for years. FML

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML