Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Today, my husband was giving marriage advice to a friend, while I eavesdropped. I heard, "You want more sex? Let her see you flirting with other girls. Sophia sees me tease a cashier or some shit, the second we get home, she's putting on sexy lingerie and fucking my brains out. It's magic." FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Smack it a few times and say, "Is this thing on?" That'll stop him. Unless he's into S S S S, M M M.
HahaYDI 0
Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
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Comments (123)
slynoble32 11
i dont get what it means.....
rainport 0
omg u actuly put this on here fml
1naenae95 5
it's all fun and games...until someone loses an eye
saltypirate 0
I dont get it...
Nemmycakes 3
Did this book happen to be written by Gregory JP Godek? because I've been getting these briefcases full of candy because someone is taking his "advice"
stargazur 9
That's mad creepy!
krty402 7
Then it's hilarious.
pike1346 3
gonna try that.
lowshadows 21
" fall for it" ha ha ha! good choice of words
sayers6 0
so suck it lol
FlyingLazerWALRU 0
I have something like that: "The FBI is trying to kidnap my penis. I need some place to hide it." Female responds "How can I help?". DONT EVER FALL FOR THIS. YOU MIGHT GET PREGNANT.