Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
Today. I was sitting up having coffee early in the morning, still half-asleep. My dad walked in, getting ready for work. He asked if that was my water sitting there. He thought it must've be his, so he took a big gulp. OMG, I'd forgotten I'd poured a glass of pure white vinegar last night. His face was absolutely hilarious. FML
Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
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Top comments
astoryofroses 9
karma
olpally 33
never test your dad's brain power... he knows way more than you do about how to pull off a prank.
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Comments (120)
DocBastard 40
Ha! You just learned a valuable lesson - fathers are ALWAYS smarter, and we ALWAYS know what you're doing. Of course, I've clearly violated Father Code 846.2(a) by telling you all this, so now I must kill you. Please forward your exact locations immediately.
jdizz16 16
You sir, are Win incarnate.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You can't kill us all, doc! Mwahaha!
Bonzer 2
So do we all have to tell you where we live?
RocketNinjaFish 12
14- fathers aren't that smart, mine was pretty useless actually :) ...but my mother ALWAYS knew what I was up to. kinda scary really ;)
DocBastard 40
RocketNinjaFish - If you truly think your father isn't smart, then his brilliant plan worked to perfection.
winnerme123 8
Doc, instead of going through the trouble of killing us all one by one. Just set off the biggest nuke in the world. I think that should do the job much easier. Just a tip.
TrueTriage 16
Nukes can't really vary in power due to how the blast is made... Even though this is entirely off topic. Best bet is multiple blast points. Or just a high frequency noise that older persons can't hear but young people can..
winnerme123 8
If one is big enough it can burn the atmosphere killing us all, but doc wouldn't do that. . . Or at least I think? Am I right doc?
kittenvks 11
*crickets chirping* seems that he might.
GodsLittleMistak 8
Your dad is awesome,just saying
letmehavemytea 21
Your icon is awesome, btw. Thiefshipping ftw :)
GodsLittleMistak 8
79- Why thank you haha,gotta love thiefshipping :3
MrEscape 2
Winning!
senor_awesome 14
No....just...no. If you can't think of something original to say, don't say anything at all. Especially if all you can think of is some sort of phrase that has been over worked and killed by pop culture.
SuddsTv 6
Next time just use sugar
meethi1742 0
yup. You're surely his son! awesome dad!
Donat96 20
You so deserved that! High-five to your dad, BTW. You could learn a lot from him.
totalnewbeeee 1
Well that backfired and ydi your dad must be awesome
BuhBuhBoomer 2
I believe it's *excused not exused.
stonerchick420 3
You-0 Dad-1
ironwords 8
Your dad's awesome!
99megster 15
Hey, a fellow Canadian!
Dracoboxer357 36
^ *Poke poke* Hey, pass the poutine, I can't quite reach around my pet beaver nor your pet polar bear. ;) 3 Canucks in a row. We going for a fourth?
Bonzer 2
Nope.
99megster 15
Aww, what a party pooper :(
Axipiter 24
Damn. Sorry I missed the boat on that one, I was too busy playing hockey.
ablueshka 0
^^ agree Vancouver BC not Washington crap
99megster 15
Now that we've rounded up a group of canadians, let's all have a party in my igloo! :D
SAGARCo 19
My igloo is made out of frozen maple syrup. However, seeing as how I'm part Russian, you can't go near it without suffering a fate worse than Justin Beiber. Canada's worst creation.