Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML
Today, my son nearly burned the house down with a lighter and an aerosol. His excuse? He was killing a massive spider carrying an egg sack. My wife hates spiders so she refuses to punish him and gave him £20. But sure, dear old Dad will spend money replacing the wallpaper and curtains, no problem. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Well, it’s nice that an effort was made, but now you—like any sane person—are wondering if that will be enough. You can always burn the rest later.
arioch_fml 20
I mean, you can't really fault him. He killed it, that's what you asked him to do. At least you know you have to do it yourself if you want it done your way.
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Comments (18)
Arcady_fml 11
That's what you get for not giving a man clear, step by step instructions lol!
marecu 13
I mean, it must have been cool for him? I’ve watched my dad light a wasp nest on fire. It’s just awesome
GIJoefan 6
Makeshift flamethrower!
tonyfan00 38
I take it he hasn't heard about what happened to a guy who did something similar in Arizona earlier this month...
DJRy 13
You should have been responsible and taken the spider outside. However, since you decided you wanted it dead, here you are. Enjoy. :)
Yudith 28
I think he really hated those cupboards and this wallpaper. "Honey! I finally got rid of this ugly bubblegum...spider! Ugly spider!"
Razell 13
Public Service Announcement: Internet memes depicting the use of fire to eliminate spiders are intended as humorous exaggeration only. They are not an instruction manual on the proper tactics for eliminating creepy-crawlies. Dumb-ass. *The More You Know!*
IHaveThePower 18
I think this is the point where he has to pay to fix it...