Today, my son nearly burned the house down with a lighter and an aerosol. His excuse? He was killing a massive spider carrying an egg sack. My wife hates spiders so she refuses to punish him and gave him £20. But sure, dear old Dad will spend money replacing the wallpaper and curtains, no problem. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML
Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML
Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML
Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML
Today, when I got home, I learned that my five year-old had tried to burn the house down when my wife told him that he needed to stop watching TV. Now we need a counselor and it's going to cost thousands. FML
Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML
Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML
Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML
Today, in response to the guy whose son told him to fuck off for disturbing his one day off a week, my son spent literally his entire savings account for a deposit on a shitbox one bedroom house because he’s sick of his dad finding him things to do every ten minutes, and I don’t even blame him. FML
Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML
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Top comments
core01 30
Make your son do it.
FluffythePink 23
Yeah, I'm Gen X and I wouldn't have walked for a week after that and been made to pay for it. I say this as a spider hater who took nearly 15 years to realise that Arachnophobia was actually a comedy... May I introduce you, your wife and your son to the concept of the spider vacuum? Ask the well known next day delivery App for them. ******* life (and being being bollocked by the fire brigade) saving.
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Comments (2)
core01 30
Make your son do it.
FluffythePink 23
Yeah, I'm Gen X and I wouldn't have walked for a week after that and been made to pay for it. I say this as a spider hater who took nearly 15 years to realise that Arachnophobia was actually a comedy... May I introduce you, your wife and your son to the concept of the spider vacuum? Ask the well known next day delivery App for them. ******* life (and being being bollocked by the fire brigade) saving.