Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I was rushing with the dishes when I scraped against a very sharp knife, which left a noticeable cut right down my wrist. No one believes my story that it was a freak kitchen accident, they think that I’m either an attention seeking fucknut, or crying out for help. FML
Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML
Today, I was in the shower washing my hair when my hand ran down the shower caddy and in particular, on my razor. If I wasn't woozy from all the blood splatter around the shower - seeing the bone that connects my finger definitely did it. FML
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Top comments
blaucha 0
what an asshole.
Komatose 0
You should've stabbed him/her and then said "You're right, these dishes do need cleaning."
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Comments (110)
DearlyBeloved 0
I doubt it was that deep then. Sure you're not exagerating with the word 'impaled?'
shattap 0
#51, you are a dumbass.
kfnnnp 0
by impaled did you mean cut? i don't think you'd have pushed down hard enough for the knife to go all the way through your arm =/
DeeJayD 0
Time to find a new friend.
raymae 0
#10, GET A LIFE. I'm sure you wouldn't really care about grammar while typing angry FML's about your friends. Honestly? This country need more sympathy. Oops, I'm sorry: "This country NEEDS more sympathy."
lmm827 1
your friend is a douche.
bubs_AKA_vermin 0
15, impalement= goes right through! 32, he wanted to dry the tongs, dumbass. OP, your life sucks. hope your arm gets better soon! :)
sunshyne84_fml 0
I hate when people put the silverware upright!
Zox_fml 0
Damn that sucks i probably would've stabbed there arm and say oops just a little jumpy that im not getting to the hospital fast enough
Barthez01 0
#92 Impalement = To pierce with a sharp stake or point.