Squidward tentacles · 24 September 2023, 22:00 ·Sydney, Australia 🌶️ Spicy

SO FRUSTRATING!

Today, I can't seem to get off having sex with my wife. I've tried going to brothels, but I just end up watching YouTube shorts with the girls after failing to finish. The only thing that gets me off now is masturbating in my bed to the memory of an affair I had with a woman back in 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189 You deserved it 1 338

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rastamerican · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·San Jose, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Of all the places…

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 278 You deserved it 1 891

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Anonymous · 23 September 2023, 14:00 ·Greater Sudbury, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Humblebrag or what?

Today, I had my third threesome with my fiancée and our friend. We are moving in together and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about her lips against mine, or how she feels when we fuck. I wish I had met her first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248 You deserved it 1 084

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No luck · 22 September 2023, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Thirst post

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’m seriously considering hiring a professional if you catch my drift. I try to put myself out there but I’m so self-conscious about my mastectomy scars that the thought of anyone seeing me naked sends me into a heaving sobbing anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 22 September 2023, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

What? How?

Today, I was at the chiropractor's being examined. As we were finding all my problem areas, she said to me, “It’s almost like you spend a lot of time with all your weight on one shoulder while doing a repetitive twisting motion.” She just described mine and my wife’s favourite sex position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439 You deserved it 226

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Anonymous · 20 September 2023, 00:02

Faithfull

Today, my date walked out on me after I told him I was devout in my beliefs, including saving myself until marriage. Apparently, meeting me at Sunday services didn’t twig him to my faith, and he actually thought religious girls were all secret sluts like in the pornos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888 You deserved it 378

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Anonymous · 19 September 2023, 14:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Pawpaw got game

Today, my 80 year-old grandad is having more sex in his retirement home than I am as a married man. And by that I mean his care staff had to call me to say they found him having sex. That’s once this year, whereas I’ve not had sex with my wife in three years. I can’t afford to divorce her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586 You deserved it 218

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Anonymous · 19 September 2023, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Knock first!

Today, I needed to ask my mom for something, so I went to her room without knocking and walked in on her and her boyfriend fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 1 027

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Anonymous · 17 September 2023, 08:00 🌶️ Spicy

This is all over the place

Today, it's been a troubled day. Me and my girlfriend got into it because she believes that I stepped out on her, which I didn’t. I haven’t had sex in over 15 years. I'd gotten an STI from a ex, and had no idea that I had anything, so now I’m "nasty" according to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482 You deserved it 197

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Anonymous · 16 September 2023, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Boundaries

Today, I got home and saw my bed was made different and there was a wet spot on the sheets. It wasn’t until I sniffed it did I realise what it was. I’m now 99% certain my Mum and Dad had sex in my bed, and I'd sniffed their mixed up love juices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735 You deserved it 146

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Pancake butt · 16 September 2023, 00:02 🌶️ Spicy

What is it with these dudes?

Today, I saw my husband comment on a celebrity’s Instagram post that he would “eat her ass like a cupcake.” I’ve asked him to do the same to me once and he told me wasn’t into eating ass. So when I called him out on it, he replied, “Maybe if you did squats and worked out that pancake butt of yours, I would.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 609 You deserved it 315

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Anonymous · 13 September 2023, 14:00 ·Katwijk aan Zee, Netherlands 🌶️ Spicy

The situation

Today, I was talking to my situationship when he dropped the bomb that he wanted to break up, and that he'd tested positive for chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546 You deserved it 209

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Anonymous · 11 September 2023, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Nature finds a way

Today, I hooked up with a girl who had a total Nicki Minaj butt. She wanted me to do her doggy style, and the spirit was willing but the flesh wasn’t long enough to reach more than an inch inside, no matter how much we readjusted. We ended up switching to missionary, but neither of us were happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655 You deserved it 202

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I pick em' good · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Helpful guy

Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 279 You deserved it 3 396

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Anonymous · 10 September 2023, 18:30 🌶️ Spicy

This is wrong on so many levels

Today, I noticed my new boyfriend barely touches me casually, unless I initiate, and even then he’ll pull away fairly quickly. Apparently his dad told him about "fake rape accusations", even from women you’re dating, so he’s scared to touch me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573 You deserved it 176

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Anonymous · 10 September 2023, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Small world, eh?

Today, my husband is in the garden smashing a tree stump with a sledgehammer because our 22 year-old daughter brought her first serious boyfriend home. He’s my husband's boss, a man-whore who has been bragging about all the nasty stuff his new girlfriend does to him in bed, unaware of who her dad was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300 You deserved it 129

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clostar · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·San Francisco, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Good question

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 912 You deserved it 10 226

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Anonymous · 9 September 2023, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Disproportionate response

Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637 You deserved it 222

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Anonymous · 8 September 2023, 14:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Addiction under any name

Today, I had sex with a guy on our third date. We'd just finished having sex and he was blatantly on Tinder right next to me in bed. I literally hadn’t moved yet and he still had a wet boner, and yet he was on Tinder looking for his next hookup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721 You deserved it 391

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Ashamed · 8 September 2023, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

When work husbands go too far

Today, I accidentally called out the coworker I have a crush on’s name in bed instead of my wife’s. The thing is, thinking about her is the only thing that will keep me hard and brought to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199 You deserved it 1 662

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Anonymous · 7 September 2023, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Not trying that again any time soon

Today, I tried the "hold on tight to your thumbs in your fists" method during a deep throat, which is supposed to prevent you from throwing up. Well, it doesn’t work. I'd eaten ratatouille. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407 You deserved it 264

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Anonymous · 6 September 2023, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Bad encounter

Today, my ex stuck it in the wrong hole because he couldn’t find the right one, then he sucked my toes. I'm never going near another man again after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459 You deserved it 286

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Cheated · 5 September 2023, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Fishy

Today, it’s my honeymoon. I waited patiently for a year and a half to have sex since I respected her “No sex before marriage” rule. However, my new wife has a new rule: “Sex is for procreation and I’m not ready to have children yet.” How much longer should I wait to make love to the one I love now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538 You deserved it 511

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Anonymous · 3 September 2023, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

How did I get here?

Today, I auditioned for and got a part in a small independent film based on the Count of Monte Cristo. I knew ahead of time it was a low budget remake, but I was surprised to be warned there would be a few soft sex scenes. When I got there, it was blatantly a gay porn movie set in an old dungeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853 You deserved it 145

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Anonymous · 3 September 2023, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

Wrap it up

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281 You deserved it 930

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at least put on sexy underwear · 1 September 2023, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Hang ups

Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686 You deserved it 151

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Middle Age Divorced Dad · 31 August 2023, 22:00 ·Stittsville, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Nutshot

Today, it seems that I won't be having sex for a while. I was Live Action Role Playing and got hit in the dick with a foam sword. The hit moved my armour enough for a padded arrow to get a direct hit on my right nut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447 You deserved it 211

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Anonymous · 31 August 2023, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

Simp

Today, an old flame reached out with some truly filthy intent. After burning with righteous indignation, I ended up sending back some embarrassingly submissive pictures. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 You deserved it 688

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Anonymous · 30 August 2023, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Denied

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 608 You deserved it 158

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Anonymous · 29 August 2023, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Priapism Tuesday

Today, I took Viagra so we could have sex at bedtime. We fell asleep afterwards, but I must've had a reaction to the Viagra as it was still erect this morning and must have been erect all night, way longer than 4 hours. I went straight to hospital as my penis was numb and pale blue. Help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847 You deserved it 253

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