Anonymous · 1 September 2022, 22:00

Get the hell out of there

Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915 You deserved it 130

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Colorado Springs, United States

Fundies everywhere

Today, my religious mother found out I work at Planned Parenthood. Now everytime she sees me, she prays until I leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 886 You deserved it 1 937

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Weirdo · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

I want Jesus to come inside my heart

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 957 You deserved it 40 925

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Anonymous · 16 August 2022, 14:00

Alexa, play "Pay Your Rates" by The Fall

Today, my 40 year-old idiot son declared he's going to become a priest. He’s not Catholic, not religious, married, expecting a baby, gambles, and only wants to do it because he read somewhere the clergy are tax exempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912 You deserved it 195

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itisobviouseinstein · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·New York, United States

Can I make it any more obvious?

Today, a bible-toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 471 You deserved it 3 865

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never be the same · 22 July 2022, 04:00 ·United States

What a waste

Today, I realized just how much of my life I’ve wasted. I was always raised with the “What will people think?” ideology by religious zealots. The anxiety it gave me influenced everything from what I wore, to where I went, even what I studied in school. I wish I’d been strong enough to be myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100 You deserved it 222

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thesparrow · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Because I said so

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192 You deserved it 2 458

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Anonymous · 25 June 2022, 07:00 ·United States

Regression

Today, my country told me that I don’t matter, and my right to my body and the care for that body is not my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900 You deserved it 633

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Anonymous · 22 June 2022, 10:00

Wingnuts

Today, thanks to an electric shock, I technically died for about 50 seconds until my coworker managed to restart my heart. Now my deeply religious aunt and uncle pester me constantly, demanding to know if I met God or saw a white light, or the fires of hell. They’re absolutely fucking relentless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027 You deserved it 935

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Anonymous · 15 June 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Bashing the Bible

Today, my son is going to jail for robbing our church. This happened a year after my daughter was arrested for breaking in to the same church so she could have sex as a big "Fuck You" to God. I can’t show my face there anymore, and it’s the only church within 50 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187 You deserved it 1 572

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Anonymous · 30 May 2022, 04:00 ·Strathfield, Australia

Proselytism

Today, it's the third day that I've been ghosted by a Christian boy who's still a virgin. Don’t get me wrong, I think that’s cute, and I liked him a lot. I’m just confused because he asked me out to church last week. He’s really sweet, but maybe he was just trying to convert me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 795 You deserved it 206

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Anonymous · 15 May 2022, 18:00

The real indoctrination

Today, our village has a new priest and he routinely harasses everyone who doesn’t attend church on Sunday. I’m so sick of him I’m considering throwing paint on him the next time I see him coming up the garden path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153 You deserved it 192

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Smdh · 6 May 2022, 16:00

Pulling the God card

Today, my sister announced her engagement to my ex-boyfriend, who she’d stolen from me. She got upset that I told her I’m not attending her wedding, nor congratulating her. Since she’s “Christian” her logic is “What God joined together, let no man separate.” Yeah, right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198 You deserved it 147

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fmlimoverit · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

God friended me

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 856 You deserved it 3 763

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Anonymous · 25 April 2022, 14:00 ·Australia

People's mad beliefs

Today, my fanatical Christian stepfather told me that my genetic illness is a result of demon possession, and that I'd be cured if I allow his church to perform a "healing prayer demon expulsion" on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · 15 April 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Dear PornHub…

Today, my mom caught me watching porn, and now she has learned just how easy it is to access porn online, she's sending as many messages as she can to every porn site she can find, telling them they should shut down for the sake of Christian decency. She actually thinks they’ll listen to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235 You deserved it 266

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david99021 · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Ankara, Turkey

Jesus said go to sleep

Today, I told my mom I've been having sleep issues and asked if she could take me to the doctor. She told me I just needed to read the Bible more. Needless to say, I still can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 335 You deserved it 2 627

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Mauro · 22 March 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Repent!

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325 You deserved it 359

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Letdown · 23 February 2022, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Three's the magic number

Today, I asked my wife for a threesome to spice up our sex life. Her exact response to me was, “The only threesome we should be having is between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” I'll take that as a “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 549 You deserved it 2 056

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Anonymous · 22 February 2022, 10:00

FOMO FML

Today, my church friends ditched me to go skiing with a bunch of jewish basketball players from another school. They said I’d "harsh the vibe" with my "principles". The photos they post online look like they’re having a lot of fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463 You deserved it 1 192

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Noname · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Weird excuse

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he only now decided to look up what it meant. He gave me a Bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 708 You deserved it 17 997

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Leah · 4 February 2022, 00:01 ·Queens Village, United States

Fundies do the darndest things

Today, my home health aide doused me with what she considered to be Holy Water. It was bottled water. Turns out she was having a meltdown. It's a freezing day in New York City. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 105

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Zippermania9 · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Praise the Lord

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 256 You deserved it 13 888

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bad bad bad bad idea · 28 January 2022, 14:01 ·United States

Every dog has its day

Today, I had to very seriously and very slowly explain to my friend why having a bat mitzvah for her dog was a very ignorant and insulting idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876 You deserved it 199

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Anonymous · 18 January 2022, 22:59

From the heart

Today, after agreeing to marry my boyfriend, he started spouting crap about converting to his religion, and how I’d need to take lessons from his mother on how to be a proper wife to him at all times, like, EXCUSE ME, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO? DUMPED. See ya later, douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 698 You deserved it 457

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Anonymous · 15 December 2021, 07:58 🌶️ Spicy

Child abuse

Today, we’re both 19 and on our third date I tried to get intimate with him. He asked what I was doing. Turns out his bible-thumping mom censored his entire life, such as zero internet access, and homeschooled him to make sure he never, ever learned about sex. He’s 19 and truly has no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173 You deserved it 284

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Anonymous · 11 December 2021, 02:01

Jesus wept

Today, my mom threatened to kick me out for asking if I could skip church for the next few weeks, because, you know, I have Covid and have been told to isolate for ten days, which obviously includes two Sundays. The woman would rather I infect her congregation than let me stay in bed while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610 You deserved it 149

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Anonymous · 9 December 2021, 17:01 🌶️ Spicy

Manipulation

Today, I found books on the Catholicism in my son's room. Switching faiths can be a big deal, so I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Turns out he was just doing research to aid his goal of seducing and screwing the hot Catholic girl in his university class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217 You deserved it 417

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Anonymous · 8 December 2021, 02:01

SATAN!

Today, my nana tried to drown my pet rat because it's white with red eyes, and red eyes mean it’s Satan in disguise, and yet my mom still refuses to admit she needs to be in a nursing home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077 You deserved it 128

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Anonymous · 27 November 2021, 14:01

Bible belt

Today, after I recently started going back to church, my husband, who was last inside a church when he was replacing a boiler, told me I’d better knock it off because our kids threatened to stop visiting, and our neighbours think we’re “that couple.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 710 You deserved it 646

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