Weirdo
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
United States 🌶️ Spicy
I want Jesus to come inside my heart
Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML
Top comments
DocBastard 40
I would tell you to kneel and pray, but I'm afraid you'd get confused while you're down there.
harrypotter955 19
May The Lord be with you
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Comments (92)
harrypotter955 19
May The Lord be with you
konstantinos616 17
And with your Spirit
friedpwnadge 25
And also with you
KingCeltic77 18
25- You do know they changed the responses, right? I'm guessing you don't go to church that often.
Rosie_Posie43 12
25- I just wanted to say I like your photo. That is all.
lilhellian 27
38 There is private messages for a reason...
redbluegreen 41
They've only changed it recently. Give them a break, #36.
botanistjessica 24
They changed the responses? What are they now??
Epsilonyx 15
8 said it, 65- "And with your spirit."
Shmatterhorn 38
#25, That response still works in my Lutheran church.
ironwords 8
In Latin Domisc vobiscom Et cum spirito tuo
syki 22
Oh... The proper response isn't "And also in you"? That explains all those odd looks...
eatthemcows 4
I'm Lutheran and we still say "And also with you." .....
Epsilonyx 15
Also, the change was one specific to Catholic Mass.
IscoreOnU 19
25 is right for almost all Christians don't thumbs him down cause he was the second comment
SamanthaCassieL 10
at my Presbyterian Church we say that... I don't think many people here know what you are talking about...
ters19 10
That joke was bad and you should feel bad!
ryanebk 7
Yea my parents church says that. My church we don't use weird phrases
Kittycorn 17
And also in you.
rinzlerkitty94 31
We say that every Sunday at my church. We're Episcopalian. I guess you shouldn't just assume things.
aliyourpally 12
Want to turn some water into sex?
howdeedoo 22
And how exactly would you suggest doing that?
lilhellian 27
Well duh! The power of Jesus Christ..
Soloman212 28
Aquaphilia.
KaeSAL 11
I laughed at the poor construction and absurdity of your attempted joke. So you succeeded in being humorous, just not in the way you intended.
dirton89 7
Bless you, fair child That's quite interesting
DarkHelmet 10
Hell's fires await OP lol
ClassyCommando 13
OP: "Oh my God! Don't stop!" Jesus: "I will if you keep saying my father's name."
Luxord33 8
59: BEST COMMENT EVER! I know in going to hell for laughing at that, but it's worth it! :D
happle 21
I always found the image of a crucified person, Jesus or not, to be a little disturbing. That's why I don't go to church anymore.
lilhellian 27
He was turned on not disturbed.. Although he may be slightly disturbed..
happle 21
I'm not saying she was disturbed. I'm just saying I usually have the opposite reaction as OP.
lilhellian 27
O I misread. Sorry.
ClassyCommando 13
4- "Jesus or not". I'm curious, what other people have you seen depicted as crucified?
Duojet 2
Completely missing the point, but Saint Peter? At least he was crucified in a more entertaining way.
wallandpiece 16
I don't go to church because the bible is a load of iniquitous money-grabbing drivel.
shannonreneee 11
Not all church's are riddled with statues :)
TomPusslicker 21
69-Monty Pythons life of brian. Always look on the bright side of life:)
jaff23 11
That's a very unique fantasy. But don't worry lots of people have weird and wacky fantasies.
hahaawkward 3
Nope. Just you
Jiplo 18
That's some more old fashioned bondage for you!
GreekYogurt 26
But Jesus
breakingbad_fml 27
You wanted some of that holy bread.
Quinn32 16
She wanted him to put his bread in her oven.
MrSassypants 34
Then put it to 220 degrees for 15 minutes. Oooohhh yeeeeaaah....
KaeSAL 11
93- That temperature isn't adequate for holy bread. Holy bread needs to be cooked at a much higher temperature then that. If it's too low it will go flat. On a similar note, if it's too high it will become unholy bread and upon cutting it you will be cast into the fiery bowels of hell for all eternity. Hope this helps! Happy baking.
NoahEibon 11
Mmh! That delicious bread!
punjabtimelord 18
220 degrees is perfectly adequate if it's in celsius...
Tali147 16
I do believe Christians frown upon that sort of behavior.... Synagogues have no Jesus statues though
Tali147 16
You can borrow my Menorah if you just have a thing for religious objects...
botanistjessica 24
Pretty sure a menorah and a man cannot be grouped into one fetish. Of course this is Earth so I could be wrong.
Tali147 16
You are probably right, I just grouped them together because it was a statue and a menorah. Both objects. Although, I've NEVER heard anyone call my Menorah sexy.
da_directioner39 17
Those nice curves, that nice, long rod, the way it glows, and you have the nerve to say it isn't sexy?
Daiyuki 5
What the crap is a menorah?
shmoelover 13
Google it. If you do not know what Google is then I cannot help you.
robo_thunder 13
You were that turned on by a statue?
howdeedoo 22
Yes, I think that's what OP's saying
robo_thunder 13
I was noy actually asking for confirmation. I am surprised and my tone was more mocking.
bestnameright 14
Tone is conveyed so well through text!
robo_thunder 13
Your rude tone is coming across quite well.
howdeedoo 22
I'm pretty sure that 62's tone was more sarcastic than rude...
Soloman212 28
Sarcasm totally isn't rude...
shmoelover 13
What's worse, sarcasm or mocking? At least the sarcasm was funny.
ICastillo 25
OP you want to feel the power of the Christ inside you.
lelo007 11
She wants some of his holy water.
DocBastard 40
I would tell you to kneel and pray, but I'm afraid you'd get confused while you're down there.
Schizomaniac 24
You know he gives you wood sometimes, Doc. A damn good carpenter he was.
stormstarcj 12
Hahahaha
Sir_ND_Pity 35
Is it bad to say "she's on fire for the Lord"?
the_smart_way 10
Y'all need some Jesus in you
Zomg_Okay 27
That was gold, Doc, I have to say. I'm in stitches here.