Cliffhanger · 10 May 2023, 06:00 ·United States

Freaked out

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family and we all decided to ride the tallest rollercoaster. As soon as the ride got going, I realized I'd made a huge mistake and was too terrified to open my eyes. I spent the entire ride screaming, with my hands over my eyes, and afterwards my cousin called me a wuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 You deserved it 745

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Anonymous · 10 May 2023, 03:00 ·Angeles City, Philippines

Virtual hugs

Today, my aunt vented her anger on us for no reason, and her words really cut like a knife. I always pray that someday I'll have a home that I can call my own, where I can lay my head and heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854 You deserved it 135

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Anonymous · 9 May 2023, 10:00

That's great honey!

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Bumble. He spent the entire time talking about his pet tarantula and showing me pictures of it, all while I made 'ooh' and 'aah' noises, as if the guy was a child showing me his kindergarten drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707 You deserved it 264

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burning up · 9 May 2023, 00:00 ·United States

Bad omen

Today, I think it's a bad sign when you have a fan going and several windows open in a room, yet you are still hot enough to be sweating even when you take off some of your clothes. Of course, I could be wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597 You deserved it 166

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United States

Clever girl

Today, I was in a public restroom when my almost-two-year-old figured out how to open the door and run out. Half-a-dozen strangers watched me scramble to pull up my pants and moon everyone before running after her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 743 You deserved it 4 503

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Anonymous · 7 May 2023, 06:00

Large spread

Today, as I went to put a portion of a rotisserie chicken in the microwave, the rest of the chicken slid off the counter. I instinctively tried to catch it with my foot, which resulted in me punting it into the kitchen ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737 You deserved it 274

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Anonymous · 7 May 2023, 03:00

Best dad ever

Today, while going through our CCTV, I noticed that when my boyfriend gets home he walks past my daughter, even if she wants him to pick her up, and will ignore her as long as he can until I get home, and only then does he interact with her where I can see. I was tipped off by our babysitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450 You deserved it 233

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Anonymous · 4 May 2023, 06:00 ·United States

Asshat

Today, I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. As my boss is an asshat who hates allowing sick leave, I thought I could power through it, but halfway through my workday I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. I had to go home early and now I can't move without pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854 You deserved it 153

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Beth · 3 May 2023, 18:00 ·Stamford, United States

Get back on the horse

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job I really wanted, despite doing well on third round interviews (3 hours with 6 people), and having a good connection with the person I would've reported to. Now I'm upset and dropping the ball on emailing interviewers for the other good leads I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815 You deserved it 210

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Anonymous · 3 May 2023, 10:00

Grudge

Today, my grandmother informed me that I was rude to her at my wedding two months ago, all because she couldn’t sit at the bridal table, even though she "paid for the wedding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 393 You deserved it 883

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Anonymous · 2 May 2023, 06:00 ·Hounslow, United Kingdom

Anonymous is typing…

Today, I finally wrote a DM to the girl I'm in love with, telling her not to say yes if her ex asked her out, and instead to go out with me. I then chickened out and deleted the message, but then realised she'd still get the notification on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 You deserved it 916

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Anonymous · 1 May 2023, 06:00 ·Taren Point, Australia

Do it yourself, dickwad

Today, I've been bedridden with the flu for two weeks. My boyfriend only got concerned because I haven't done any laundry, and was worried about what the girls at the coffee shop across from work would think if he turned up wearing the same clothes two days in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957 You deserved it 134

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Tandy · 30 April 2023, 18:00 ·Nagano, Japan

Another case for Alanis Morrissette

Today, I was trying to back up my messaging information on an app so if it ever got deleted I wouldn’t lose all my information. It ended up glitching out and erasing all my contacts and messages. Now I can’t even message back the guy I like that I’m not ignoring him. There goes that relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672 You deserved it 184

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Anonymous · 29 April 2023, 22:00 ·Nagano, Japan

Red flags all over the place

Today, I messaged the guy I like, with whom I’ve felt we've been disconnected, and would like to talk soon to reconnect. We talked, but all he would do is answer my questions with blatant lies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569 You deserved it 200

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Invisible · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 296 You deserved it 5 862

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Anonymous · 28 April 2023, 10:00

I now pronounce you…

Today, while registering to get married, my fiancé and I discovered that we’re already married and have been since our first foreign holiday together, to Vegas, when we got very drunk. Elvis was there. See where I’m going with this? Our parents are furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293 You deserved it 1 066

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Anonymous · 27 April 2023, 18:00

Tumbler

Today, I decided to clean out my closet and donate some clothes to charity. As I was carrying a heavy bag of clothes down the stairs, I tripped and fell, spilling everything everywhere. I had to start all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606 You deserved it 148

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Anonymous · 27 April 2023, 06:00

IBS?

Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777 You deserved it 161

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Anonymous · 26 April 2023, 15:00 ·Canada

Where's Mario when you need him?

Today, I finally started a DIY home improvement project I'd been putting off for a while now. As I was drilling into the wall, I managed to hit a plumbing pipe that I didn't know was there and started flooded my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 719

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Anonymous · 26 April 2023, 06:00 ·Kitchener, Canada

OCD or just a dingus?

Today, I came home from class to find a nasty note on my roommate's toaster oven. Apparently, cleaning it once a week isn't enough, and she wants it cleaned right after using it, which she never told me all school year. I'm banned from using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671 You deserved it 341

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Amorie · 25 April 2023, 18:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

Snapped

Today, while I was normally and gently cleaning my glasses with my shirt they snapped in half. This is the second time this has happened, with the exact same glasses. The optometrist got me another pair last time, but this time they said no because it was too suspicious. I now have to buy $150 glasses again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 648

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Stoner · 25 April 2023, 12:00 ·Sydney, Australia

Stoner

Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119 You deserved it 2 173

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Anonymous · 25 April 2023, 00:00

My finest hour

Today, I presented the worst seminar presentation probably in the entire history of my graduate department. I kept stumbling over questions, and overall, making an ass out of myself. I probably should leave my masters program at how thoroughly I burned myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695 You deserved it 221

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Ouch · 23 April 2023, 10:00 ·United States

Everyone's a critic

Today, I'm extremely disabled and by all means terrible at drawing, but I tried anyway. Sure enough, my drawings looked like shit, but I still took pride in them. That is, until my brother looked at one of them and said, "Wow! That's awful!" Thanks for pointing that out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686 You deserved it 144

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Anonymous · 21 April 2023, 22:00

Repressed

Today, my mother-in-law keeps making fun of how I've "never seen any cool movies." I grew up in severe social isolation/constant physical abuse, and have memory loss from age 13 and below as a result. I've seen them, I just can't remember them, but she refuses to believe it, so I'll never hear the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085 You deserved it 109

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Anonymous · 20 April 2023, 15:00

Anon struggles

Today, I realized I shouldn't have confessed anonymously to my long time crush through an anonymous account. I was so happy that they noticed me a little and made posts that seems directed to me, but then they just stopped. I'm so sad and craving their attention that I'm getting upset when I shouldn't be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197 You deserved it 937

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pizzadaddy · 19 April 2023, 10:00

No one wants to work, huh?

Today, just like every day, I have not gotten a single call back or email regarding a job interview since 2020. I can't even get a part-time job at McDonald's. Why? No one wants to hire someone with 10 years of experience as a manager for entry-level jobs, and no one is hiring managers from outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 18 April 2023, 18:00

Sliced and diced

Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708 You deserved it 280

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Anonymous · 17 April 2023, 10:00 ·Bengaluru, India

Get out ASAP

Today, my husband is out of town for a week. My toddler asked me, "Mommy, why are you being nice to me now?" I was the same as always though. That's when it hit me: I've been in a severely toxic relationship and I've been taking it out on my toddler to long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450 You deserved it 1 187

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Anonymous · 16 April 2023, 15:00 ·Australia 🌶️ Spicy

Alexa, play "Loveless" by My Bloody Valentine

Today, after enduring years in a sexless marriage, I asked my wife if she will make love to me ever again, to which she replied, "Probably not." Half an hour later she's talking about us going on a trip to Egypt next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447 You deserved it 274

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