Today, I learned that Guru Tugginmypudha was right, two elephants humping is the ultimate distraction, as in, when two elephants started humping during my kids' trip to the zoo, a mad crowd of idiots rushed to watch, and somewhere in the middle of it all I clearly felt a pickpocket steal my wallet. FML
Today, I was told it was “disgusting” that we charged $1.75 for 2 donuts instead of 3 for the same price. I had to throw them out. FML
Today, we got a new boss. This would have been great if he knew how to do his job. I've spent the last week training a guy who hits on co-workers and gets paid twice as much as me. FML
Today, my junkie son came to the house showered, in clean clothes, with sobriety chips from NA, full of apologies, and we had a good cry about his recovery. I went to the kitchen for tissues, for less than a minute, but when I got back he’d stolen my purse, television, and spare change jar with about £75 in it. FML
Today, I'm so poor that I had to surrender my well-loved dog to a different family so that he’ll have a good life, all while I live out of my car in the ghetto, paycheck to paycheck. My dog was also my service dog for medical alerts. FML
Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML
Today, when a discussion with my roommate veered into politics, he made it clear he thinks I'm an instrument of his oppression because I'm not a communist. I pay rent and utilities, and buy groceries. He and his wife take up most of the space in the apartment and I keep the secret that she never stopped cheating. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy my weekly groceries and only realized after a long queue at the checkout, then having the cashier scan my entire cart, that I'd forgotten my purse. I had to leave everything behind and walk out empty-handed, while everyone in line behind me gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested that she needs a "cuddle buddy" because I'm never home to spend with her. I have to work two jobs to pay the bills because she keeps calling in "sick" from her job. FML
Today, my kid's dad grumbled and complained about having to help me out buying clothes for him, because he was sure he just gave me money for clothes last year. I thought it would be fairly obvious that a 4 year-old would eventually need bigger clothes to accommodate the fact they are still growing. FML
Today, my teen son and his friends catfished a woman in her forties so they could laugh at her when she got to the restaurant. I'm beyond furious. The poor woman was humiliated, but did my wife care? No, she only got mad at them for using her credit card to sign up to the dating app. FML
Today, I lost my dream house because my mortgage advisor, who I literally paid to take care of the complicated legal stuff, fucked up at every stage until the seller just sold it to someone else. My advisor admitted I'm his first customer, and that he didn’t think it would be this hard. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend he has to stop paying half of his baby mama's rent or I would leave. He laughed and said I could leave. FML
Today, my grandmother informed me that I was rude to her at my wedding two months ago, all because she couldn’t sit at the bridal table, even though she "paid for the wedding." FML
Today, a traffic plod with nothing better to do gave me a ticket for my back bumper being a few inches over the start of some double yellow lines. He took photos, with a ruler and everything. FML
Today, my friend canceled plans the day before the event, after planning to go together for over a month. He said he needed to work, which would be understandable, if his only job wasn’t for Uber where he literally sets his own hours. It’s too late to find another friend to go with. FML
Today, my husband announced the reason he had been working since much is because he had secretly paid off my tens of thousands of student loans. I then had to tell him I'm leaving him for his best friend. FML
Today, my lovely ex-mother-in-law died and now my ex has stopped talking to me. I found out through a mutual friend that we only had an amicable divorce in case his mother had left me money in her will, but now he’s got all her money, he didn’t even take time to invite me to the funeral. FML
Today, while I was normally and gently cleaning my glasses with my shirt they snapped in half. This is the second time this has happened, with the exact same glasses. The optometrist got me another pair last time, but this time they said no because it was too suspicious. I now have to buy $150 glasses again. FML
Today, even though I recently started earning $75000 per year, my partner still got angry at me because I spent $10 online. FML
Today, i purchased myself 150$ Egyptian cotton 800-thread count sheets for my birthday, which came with matching pillow cases and everything. My girlfriend decided to wear a bleach face cream and ruined the entire set, and then followed it up with using part of my savings to buy herself a cabin vacation. FML
Today, I found out my husband is a sugar daddy to a 19 year-old college girl. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with it because, “It’s not like we have sex or anything, just friendship” and gave me a lecture about how just because he’s married doesn’t mean he can’t have friends. He’s 53. FML
Today, I found out one of the main causes of my depression is that my life is too sheltered and boring. My doctor and many of my friends have advised me to find a hobby. Except, everything I would like to do is either too expensive and/or impossible due to my disabilities and other mental disorders. FML
Today, I crashed my brother's car. All my friends know about this and not a single person has ask if I'm OK, even my dad and brother don't seem to be worried about me. Only my mother and I are sad because I don't know how to pay for a new car, the old one is in pieces. Thank god I'm alive but maybe dead would've been better. FML
Today, after spending thousands of Euros flying back to my home country to pick up my expensive prescription medicine, I found out that I can buy it 200 meters from my current home, without prescription, and at a quarter of the price. FML
Today, I have only been back at work for one week after elbow surgery, which was followed immediately by hospitalization for diabetic ketoacidosis, which caused a severe flare up of my gout. The hospital bill is over $3,200 with insurance, and I just tested positive for COVID. FML
Today, I'm a hotel housekeeper. I was warned by the manager that one of the rooms was "horrible." When I got to said room, I understood: what he meant; it looked as though it was raided by a drunken caveman. It took my friend and I almost an hour to clean it up completely. At least the "caveman" left a $2.00 tip. FML
Today, it's been 14 years since at our wedding my now-husband lost the wedding ring, and we had to rush to buy another, which delayed the wedding and cost us our honeymoon flight and thousands of extra pounds. I just got his old suit out to dry clean. The missing ring was in its box, in his jacket. I'm going to kill him. FML
Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML
Today, I chipped my front tooth on a hazelnut. Yesterday, my car broke down because the mechanic did a shit job, and oil leaked all through the engine. I'm waiting in fear of whatever expensive thing is going to happen tomorrow. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
