Today, while buying lottery tickets, I mixed up "jackpot" and "scratch off" and asked for "$10 worth of jackoffs." FML
Today, I asked my husband to be a little more responsible, pick up after himself, and spend a little less. I earn more than he does, so it's usually my money that he splurges. He has gone on a non-stop tantrum for the past 5 hours, giving me the cold shoulder, and shouting at me. What have I gotten myself into? FML
Today, a lady came in screaming at me, demanding to see my manager and asked for the “corporate office” phone number. She had received a letter from the IRS stating that she owes $8,000. She threatened to “sue me dry” if I didn’t “take the charges off.” I simply man the front desk at the tax services office. FML
Today, and recently, I’ve been really big into van life and traveling. Until now, I thought my wife was onboard. After a long talk about how difficult it would be, she’s decided that she’d rather live paycheck to paycheck, instead of travel for super cheap and save money. On top of that, rent is going up in a few months. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover. Reading my texts and emails, I then sort of remembered that in my drunken haze I'd booked a non-refundable flight to the wrong city for the same day. FML
Today, UPS dropped off my Playstation VR2. They were supposed to get a signature but they just dropped it off and left it. By the time I got the notification that it had been delivered, it had already been stolen. FML
Today, I was cut off from my government-funded drug program that used to pay half of my medication costs. They said I don't pay enough of a percentage of my wages on medication. I'd be on a higher dosage if I could afford it. I'm still poor and I'm definitely still bipolar. FML
Today, I tried to help my community by cleaning up a patch of waste ground covered in litter. Instead of gratitude, I was reported to the cops and issued with fines for noise complaints, trespassing, causing a nuisance, littering, harming wildlife, and about 15 other offences. Screw this community. FML
Today, after moving in with a friend I've known for 9 years, I found out he's going to jail soon, and refuses to work or get a new job, making me unable to pay rent as he eats all my food. FML
Today, I under-read the gas meter in an attempt to get a lower bill. Too bad it was the move-in read, meaning the starting point was way behind, causing a much higher bill. FML
Today, my brother put feces on my windshield and released a hoard of crickets, usually used to feed his bearded dragon, inside my car seats, all because I didn’t give him some money from my deceased daughter’s life insurance payout to spend on a new car and a PS5. The kicker? He claims I’M the selfish one. FML
Today, I discovered that I could have gotten 2,3% off on the vacuum cleaner bags I bought online two weeks ago. At the time I didn't know about the discount. FML
Today, I sold an item on eBay and received $8.36 after fees. It cost me $1.39 for a satchel and $9.70 postage. It cost me $2.73 to give someone my item. FML
Today, despite being innocent, I’m out $10,000 for bail, lawyers, and missed work. We haven’t even got a trial date yet, and if it goes to trial I’m out another $5000. Then I might have to go to jail. Oh and my employer just cut my pay and bonuses. FML
Today, my 4 year-old son got a hole in his head from doing a twirl jump off bricks out the back. After being in hospital for 8 hours, my car battery was flat from me leaving the lights on. My husband went to get a new battery and lost his wallet. FML
Today, instead of thinking he should try to get a higher-paying job (like I did) my husband decided to come up with some money saving ideas. Almost all of them include being unhygienic, such as weekly showers, wiping dishes, and only washing clothes after 5 or more wears. I want a divorce. FML
Today, I got a call from a former client. After migrating his firm to cloud-based apps a few months back, he decided I was too expensive, and he'd manage things himself. He called today with "a couple of quick questions." Question 1: How does he log in to make changes? FML
Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son could call me from jail. FML
Today, I was supposed fly from NOLA to Philly. Being a good roommate, I decided to get a noon-time flight so my roommates wouldn't need to get up early. Then I found out that they were also taking separate vacations, and leaving at 5am. Now I'm stuck in the airport till noon and I arrive in Philly at 7pm. I'm also broke. FML
Today, we went to disperse my father's ashes in his favorite lake. My brother was anxious to show off to his new wife, and took us to a fancy resort on the lake. He fell into the lake with my dad's ashes. Nobody laughed when he got out. Oh and as he's a stingy ass, I ended up paying for the trip. FML
Today, we had a visit from the bailiffs and police. It turns out my partner has been lying about paying his half of the bills and destroying letters about it. Now I have to find an extra £3k during a cost of living crisis and attend court. This is on top of bailiffs forcefully entering and taking most of our things. FML
Today, I turned $50 into 25k, all off sports gambling, but then lost most of it before I could even take the money out. I'm now sitting on about $1500 to my name. FML
Today, I found out my mother-in-law sold a precious family heirloom and gambled away the money. FML
Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML
Today, I left my old job and started my new one, which came with a hefty pay raise and better benefits. Previously, I was a lab analyst performing research, which required a college degree and several years of work experience. Now, I'm a gas station manager. FML
Today, my boss told me that I was getting a promotion. I was so excited to tell my family and friends the good news, but when I got home and checked my bank account, I realized that I had accidentally transferred all of my savings to my ex's account. FML
Today, I learned that as much as I try to save my money, it always just slips through my fingers. After rent, I got paid $280 yesterday, $85 went out on my gym membership, $95 went out on my internet, $125 went out on my Hello Fresh. I have to choose between half a tank of petrol or breakfast/lunch for the week. FML
Today, after I'd saved up for a deposit on a new car, I found out when I went to the dealership that I wasn’t eligible for a loan, due to my credit score. FML
Today, I went to court because I got a traffic ticket for running a red light. While I was in court, I found out it was actually for a car I had sold years ago. FML
Today, my daughter’s stupid ass boyfriend tried to get “internet famous” by having her record videos of him handing $20 to random homeless people. What he wasn’t counting on was one of them kicking the ever loving shit outta both of them, snatching the money, and running off. Her nose is broken. FML
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