Anonymous · 9 December 2024, 14:00 ·Upland, United States

Under my thumb

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463 You deserved it 220

2 comments Share

I'm a fucking idiot!!! And I suck at using discord. Going back to tumblr. · 9 December 2024, 09:00 ·Concord, Canada

Introverted clumsiness

Today, I hit off with a guy I met on Tumblr, and we moved to Discord to chat. We're just friends, but have things in common. Then I accidentally called him while he was driving by clicking the wrong button, because I forgot how to search things up. Now he thinks I'm a creep. Time to build my walls back up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332 You deserved it 181

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 8 December 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Babe, I have something to share…

Today, my wife waited until we’d been married for two weeks to tell me she has a mountain of credit card debt that she’s been hiding from me. This explains why she insisted the mortgage and car be in my name, her credit score is so low that it’s almost a double digit FML

I agree, your life sucks 581 You deserved it 165

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 8 December 2024, 09:00 ·Atlanta, United States

Pumped and dumped

Today, I found out that my boyfriend lost a bunch of money by buying some scam cryto crap linked to that "Hawk tuah" girl. Easiest break-up ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555 You deserved it 143

3 comments Share

Well, shit · 7 December 2024, 22:00 ·Canada

Hot shit

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591 You deserved it 104

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 7 December 2024, 20:00 ·Blacksburg, United States

Red flag

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256 You deserved it 514

7 comments Share

Joe Smooth · 6 December 2024, 20:00 ·London, United Kingdom

One night in Wetherspoons

Today, I tried to impress a girl in a bar with a magic trick. Instead of pulling a coin from behind her ear, I accidentally flicked her glasses straight into her pint of lager. She was far from impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 You deserved it 568

1 comment Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

That's so lovely!

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 439 You deserved it 4 060

148 comments Share

No date for me · 6 December 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Mirage

Today, I spent an entire hour talking to someone at a party. I was feeling a real connection, only to find out halfway through the conversation that she wasn’t actually a guest, she was the caterer who just happened to be really nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347 You deserved it 226

4 comments Share

Ugh · 5 December 2024, 20:00 ·Romania 🌶️ Spicy

Don't you want me baby?

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704 You deserved it 195

1 comment Share

snore · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Mexico, Mexico

Thanks Mom

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 105 You deserved it 5 729

55 comments Share

Anonymous · 4 December 2024, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Fairy tale

Today, my whole office is treating me like a pariah because I rejected the new guy who has autism. I have a history of being domestically abused so why should I date a guy who, by his own admission, loses his temper easily and attacks people? That’s right, I shouldn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870 You deserved it 122

8 comments Share

Fortunes Fool · 3 December 2024, 03:00 ·United States

Ragebait

Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 You deserved it 2 006

11 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 December 2024, 00:00 ·Anaheim, United States

It's a no from me, dawg

Today, the guy I’ve been seeing for a couple of months and started falling for told me his ex-girlfriend is pregnant with his child. I’m so bummed because kids and baby mamas are my number one deal-breaker. I really liked him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544 You deserved it 191

2 comments Share

Used · 2 December 2024, 15:00 ·United States

Trash takes itself out

Today, I went to wish one of my friends a happy birthday on his Facebook wall, only to see that I was blocked. Turns out, he blocked me because he'd developed a crush on me for some time and couldn’t stand seeing the posts between me and my new boyfriend. So basically I can only be his friend if I’m single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428 You deserved it 189

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 December 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Many such cases

Today, my grandma told me that if she was a braver person, she would've actually have split up with grandad on their second date, but she was afraid of being alone so she married him instead and had a bunch of kids she never actually wanted. Wow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514 You deserved it 109

3 comments Share

A…… · 1 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

This going to be fun

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my upcoming birthday. Mindful of our budget, I said I just wanted to relax at home all day and then get a nice dinner with her. She blew up and yelled that I'm "using my birthday to be a lazy slug." FML

I agree, your life sucks 603 You deserved it 76

3 comments Share

Strawberry Shortcake · 30 November 2024, 12:00 ·Lafayette, United States

Baby girl

Today, someone thought I was my boyfriend's daughter, instead of his girlfriend. I'm 4'11", he's 6'2", and this has happened four times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405 You deserved it 150

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 30 November 2024, 09:00 ·Marietta, United States

No thanks for you

Today, it was Thanksgiving and the first time my boyfriend would be meeting my whole family. He was nervous so he started drinking. By the end of the night, he was belligerently drunk and kissed my aunt twice thinking it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 145

3 comments Share

rugs · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

This aged well

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 203 You deserved it 5 936

184 comments Share

Anonymous · 29 November 2024, 03:00 ·Christchurch, New Zealand

Major red traffic light

Today, my long distance girlfriend of almost two years broke up with me because I didn't like her drinking and driving. Her reasoning was, "I don't go out that often so what's the problem?" or "I'm safe when I drive drunk." Yeah? How many drunk drivers thought the same then wrapped their car around a tree? FML

I agree, your life sucks 566 You deserved it 110

5 comments Share

Vivky · 29 November 2024, 00:00 ·Miami, United States

These people walk among us

Today, I went on a blind date set up by old college friends. The dude was very nice, then we started reminiscing about our high school and college years. I mentioned people doing stupid challenges, which is when I made fun of the idiots who ate Tide Pods. Turns out he was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493 You deserved it 116

4 comments Share

Yeah, no. · 28 November 2024, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Needs and desires

Today, I found out my husband is a cuck. After explaining that I'm not exactly satisfied in the bedroom, we were thinking of ideas to spice things up. I suggested buying a few toys he could use on me. He immediately got mad, because he wanted me to find other men to screw instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611 You deserved it 180

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 28 November 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Warm holiday glow

Today, I found out my husband’s former mistress is going to be at Thanksgiving dinner. Why? Because his idiot brother married the tramp AFTER the affair came to light. So now not only is the whore my sister-in-law, she’s being included in every family gathering henceforth. Fuck this family and… FML

I agree, your life sucks 687 You deserved it 221

7 comments Share

Anonymous · 28 November 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Love is in the air

Today, for my birthday, my husband gave me a dress he stole from my wardrobe. It was the one I'd bought myself on my last birthday because he forgot to buy me anything, and gave me cash in a brown envelope. Not a birthday card, a brown envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562 You deserved it 115

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 27 November 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

To the end

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex because he was watching TV and wanted to know how it ended. The show was probably ten years-old and on Netflix. He could watch it anytime he wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436 You deserved it 248

3 comments Share

my fault for asking · 27 November 2024, 15:00 ·San Diego, United States

Consolation prize

Today, I asked my girlfriend of six months to be honest and tell me why she didn't give me a chance at first, two years ago when I first asked her out. I guess I shouldn't have asked, because her response was, "At first I wasn't digging you that hard, but the guys I liked didn't have your personality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 170 You deserved it 503

5 comments Share

Filing for divorce · 27 November 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Bad sign

Today, my husband thought I was still asleep while he was getting ready for work. How do I know? I watched him grab a condom out of his nightstand and put it in his lunchbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801 You deserved it 105

2 comments Share

Thanksgiving Ruined · 26 November 2024, 12:00 ·United States

I'll be giving some thanks alright!

Today, I saw an e-mail notification for my husband regarding a flight to New York this Wednesday. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and we have no relatives in New York. When I asked him about it, he confessed that he’s gonna see a lady he met online and that he wants a divorce. I’m due to give birth next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958 You deserved it 127

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 25 November 2024, 22:00 ·United States

That'll be a no from me, dawg

Today, despite knowing that I hate being the center of attention (and think that public proposals are stupid anyway), my boyfriend popped the question at a crowded hockey game. I threw up all over him, with thousands of people watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634 You deserved it 154

2 comments Share