I hate chuds · 12 February 2025, 20:00 ·Los Angeles, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Bad date

Today, I was hit up to "Netflix and chill" by a guy I hang out with, so I dressed up real nice and went over. Unfortunately, the "Netflix" was actually watching Joe Rogan, and the "chill" was smiling politely whenever he would say, "He's right, you know?" and figuring out how and when to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485 You deserved it 163

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Anonymous · 26 January 2025, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Let down

Today, I went on a date with a sweet guy who was 6”11 tall, a size 14 shoe, a 55 inch chest from all his gym muscles, hands like baseball gloves, and gorgeous green eyes… all attached to a 3 inch penis that I could barely feel, and that lasted barely 15 seconds. The foreplay was shit too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374 You deserved it 562

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Anonymous · 12 December 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Cheating with the showerhead

Today, my wife shouted at me for masturbating in the shower, because, "It’s disgusting." She hasn’t touched me sexually in two years FML

I agree, your life sucks 631 You deserved it 139

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Anonymous · 12 December 2024, 12:00 ·Egypt

Time to unionize

Today, I have an HR meeting to discuss my team's performance. This is the same HR that refuses to hire more people because my department is full. The same HR that complains when tasks are completed late due to the team being overworked, yet refuses to take any suggestions. How do you give feedback to people like this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 541 You deserved it 98

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Anonymous · 29 November 2024, 22:00 ·Oceanside, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Infuriating

Today, I've been with my girlfriend for almost six years and its been years since we had sex. I’m only 25. I’ve had a lot of urges and every time I’ve tried to start something she brushes it off. It's to the point where every sex scene I see in a movie makes me sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736 You deserved it 353

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Anonymous · 5 November 2024, 03:00 ·Littleton, United States

Kafkaesque

Today, it's been 5 years since I had a high paying job, the opportunity for promotion, and work on a project in the field I have wanted to work in since I was a kid, as well as a budding social life. How am I doing now? It's been 5 years since I first became nearly bedridden with a debilitating illness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551 You deserved it 74

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Anonymous · 4 November 2024, 22:00 ·Baia Mare, Romania 🌶️ Spicy

Marital bliss

Today, my wife admitted she's upset with me because she can see I'm unhappy in our marriage. We've been married for over two months and we still haven't had penetrative sex because she's scared of the pain. I cook and care for the house alone (I work remotely), I make 6 times as much money as her, but she's mad I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712 You deserved it 230

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homealone · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Even more lonely now

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be all alone in this big house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 217 You deserved it 4 018

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Anonymous · 4 September 2024, 20:00 ·Borken, Germany 🌶️ Spicy

You'll miss me when I'm gone

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend. I did my best to get him hard, and as always, I succeeded, but he still didn’t bother to look up from his phone. Unfortunately this happens almost every time I try to have sex with him. I guess TikTok is more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645 You deserved it 204

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Anonymous · 27 August 2024, 14:00 ·Richmond Hill, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

In the mood

Today, it's been awhile since I've had decent sex. I was "in the mood" after being sick for two weeks, so I pulled out my little "bedroom friend." Right on the verge of a really big O, I spotted a giant spider about 3 ft over my head, which completely killed my lady boner. Is there a female equivalent of blue balls? FML

I agree, your life sucks 468 You deserved it 219

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Frustrating · 21 July 2024, 16:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Teaser

Today, my wife spent the entire evening grabbing my crotch, whispering dirty things to me, and telling me how horny she was, right up until the kids went to bed. Then, it was, "Baby, I just want cuddles, I don't feel like sex" and pouting. This happens at least three times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791 You deserved it 161

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jammy · 25 June 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Don't attempt this

Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392 You deserved it 294

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Anonymous · 24 February 2024, 20:00 ·Athens, Greece 🌶️ Spicy

Gagging for it

Today, I thought I knew what sexual frustration was in my teens, but that was nothing compared to a (due to circumstances, but still) sexless married life, in a shitty economy. I'm so tense, I could tear down a wall with my bare hands right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470 You deserved it 175

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rob · 14 December 2023, 00:00 ·United States

Wasted youth

Today, I’m 25 years-old. I was unattractive in high school and college. In the last two years I’ve glown up. Also, rent, gas, and food have all gone up in price. I can’t afford dates and I've had to work weekend nights at every job since I was 18. I hate these “rich kids” my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494 You deserved it 214

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Anonymous · 3 November 2023, 20:00 ·Saylorsburg, United States

Leadership qualities

Today, I learned that although I’m apparently not qualified to be a department supervisor, I’m entirely qualified to train the person who got the promotion over me, who has never worked in my department before. Boy, do I feel appreciated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564 You deserved it 87

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Anonymous · 29 September 2023, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Healthy relationship goals

Today, as usual, my wife only wants to have sex to reproduce. As soon as she falls pregnant, the shop is closed. She doesn't care about my sexual needs, saying if I was really that horny, I should go sleep with some else. I'm not that guy and if I do get the guts to do so, I‘m afraid she will hold it against me, and take the kids and our savings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846 You deserved it 203

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Anonymous · 20 August 2023, 22:00 ·Germany

My type of dude

Today, I realized I have a type: a man who is highly intelligent to begin with, but then either decides to apply his IQ exclusively to theoretical thinking and not real life, or who purposely dulls his wits to the point where you can hardly even have a conversation any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508 You deserved it 223

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lq87 · 9 August 2023, 08:00 ·Lebanon, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Get out of the garage

Today, I realized my fiance would rather sit in the garage and get high than spend any time with me. I can't remember the last time we had sex and I don't know what to do at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554 You deserved it 152

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2 Accommodating · 6 August 2023, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Coupon time!

Today, my wife crushed my cell phone with a heavy plate. She offered to pay for it in sex, which I eagerly accepted. When I asked her for “a downpayment” an hour later, she looked at me like she’d accommodated this arrangement for far too long already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554 You deserved it 159

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Anonymous · 23 July 2023, 03:00 ·Elmira, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Doesn't matter, had sex

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027 You deserved it 321

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Anonymous · 5 July 2023, 07:00

Happy Frustrating 4th of July!

Today, my wife won't let me light one my fireworks off early. I'm a grown man, darn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241 You deserved it 1 043

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Anonymous · 23 June 2023, 03:00 🌶️ Spicy

Girl, DIY

Today, my wife yelled at me to "just stick it up her ass already." No, not for anal sex, it was a suppository she got from the doctor. This is the closest I’ve been to sex in two years, since she decided we were done having sex and won’t even explain why when I ask. We’re only in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240 You deserved it 202

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Anonymous · 20 June 2023, 15:00 🌶️ Spicy

Quickie

Today, I walked to my boyfriend's house, which takes literally 2 minutes since we are also neighbours. He wanted sex straight away. The walk took longer than the sex, by over a full minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097 You deserved it 221

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Anonymous · 2 April 2023, 22:00 ·Brisbane, Australia 🌶️ Spicy

Frustrated

Today, I realised it’s been too long since my partner and I have had sex. How do I know? This is the third night in a row he’s humped me in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404 You deserved it 1 098

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NeedToGetLaid · 1 March 2023, 16:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Congratulations

Today, it’s mine and my fiancée’s two year anniversary. No, not our engagement or dating anniversary, it’s the two year anniversary of when we last had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115 You deserved it 373

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forever alone · 24 February 2023, 16:00

Been there, done that

Today, I came to the unhappy realization that I’m living such a cliche. I’m completely in love with a totally unavailable man. He’s funny, smart, and drop dead gorgeous. There’s no way I could ever tell him how I truly feel. He’s gay and I’m a woman. We’ll never be more than friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833 You deserved it 355

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Anonymous · 28 January 2023, 08:31

Boss man

Today, after I'd spent all summer creating lesson plans for the fall, I'm finally ready for new students. I'd tested all my lessons with summer school students, who loved them because it taught them to think differently about how to use a computer. My boss told me I can't use it because students won't like it, even though they already did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940 You deserved it 227

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Anonymous · 15 January 2023, 02:00 ·Freeland, United States 🌶️ Spicy

DIY

Today, thinking maybe she could spare 5 minutes of her time and requires no work at all, I asked my wife for a handjob. She said no and told me I can “do it yourself.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 495 You deserved it 1 488

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Anonymous · 11 January 2023, 00:00

It's not

Today, a guy I met online cancelled meeting me for the second time. The first time was because of work, and this time because of a game. I don't understand why was i even looking forward to meeting him, and I feel like it's all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886 You deserved it 156

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Fapmaster · 7 January 2023, 03:00 🌶️ Spicy

Just tradwife things

Today, after a year and a half of sticking to my new wife’s “no-sex-before marriage” rule while we dated, she brushed me off while I tried to consummate the marriage. Apparently, she’s not ready to have kids yet and “semen will get the sheets dirty.” Guess I’ll be jerking it on my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 910 You deserved it 822

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