Anonymous
Happy Frustrating 4th of July!
Today, my wife won't let me light one my fireworks off early. I'm a grown man, darn it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United States
Helicopter
Today, my mother scolded me for having a lighter in my room. My reason I had it? The candle that she bought me for my 25th birthday. I don't even live with her anymore, she showed up uninvited, and started going through my stuff. FML
Anonymous
Gardena, United States
Forget me not
Today, my wife is upset at me for having to remind her of her responsibilities. She dropped the ball several times in the past, and she hates that I remind her to prepare for upcoming deadlines. FML
claubea11
Ponce, Puerto Rico
Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML
Anonymous
The lawnmower man
Today, as proof that my wife does not belong around me when I’m working, she decided to lean over my shoulder to ask me something, whilst smoking, while I was putting petrol in my lawnmower. She almost blew my face off, then claimed it was my fault for spilling it. STOP SMOKING, WENCH. FML
jimma
United States
NO HITTING
Today, my wife and I had a huge fight that ended with her taking my son and going to her mother's. What happened? I caught him playing with the knobs on the GAS STOVE for the third time and spanked him for it. He's been told not to play with those many times already, and I'm scared he's gonna start a fire. FML
yrfavweapon
United States
Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML
Anonymous
Madison, United States
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
I followed her orders!
United States
Technically…
Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML
Anonymous
Close but no cigar
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Singed
United States
Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
Top comments
Anderling 33
Your neighbors are gonna be grateful to her, you know.
cuz803 46
There's better, more safer and productive things to do in life other than being a nuisance that risks their fingers like an idiot.
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Comments (6)
Anderling 33
Your neighbors are gonna be grateful to her, you know.
cuz803 46
There's better, more safer and productive things to do in life other than being a nuisance that risks their fingers like an idiot.
D J's MOM 17
what is it about fireworks that turns every grown man into a child? just kidding lol
RichardPencil 32
Are you?
Vesi 30
OK you are not a grown man. You are a selfish, entitled inconsiderate jerk. I have had terrified cats the last week thanks to people like you. Keep your damn noise to yourself and WITHIN legal parameters and have a thought for everyone else that has to put up with the racket people like you insist on making.
Jall8089 9
Go see a fireworks show put on by professionals. Don’t burning down your neighborhood. It happens. You or someone else could lose a finger, hand, eye, or be killed. It happens. Fireworks drive pets crazy. I have a dog who is so scared of them that I can’t get him outside to pee/poop once fireworks have started, so if someone does them when I’m not expecting it, and I haven’t taken him out early, guess what happens. Thanks a LOT. Fireworks are also difficult for some people with PTSD and with other sensitivities. So just stop.