Cute

Tay-Tay rules

By Not a swiftie - 21/04/2024 06:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised my girlfriend likes to play Taylor Swift whenever she wants me to leave her alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 175

First time… or not?

By Anonymous - 26/09/2025 15:00

Today, I caught my 5 month-old baby stood up using the sofa to support herself. She can barely turn herself over and hasn’t crawled yet, but she was standing. Then she fell over before I could get a picture, and my husband thinks it’s impossible and that I’m just sleep deprived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 102

The more you know

By Anonymous - 12/03/2023 06:00

Today, I learned that I've been saying a word wrong my whole life and all my friends have been too polite to correct me, when I found out that "Segue" and "Segway" are pronounced the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 192

Home sweet home

By Hungry dad - 27/05/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 129

Private talent show

By Juan - 24/04/2024 03:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, we live in a terraced house with very thin walls. For no reason, I sang "Una paloma blanca, I have a huge hairy cock" loudly in the bathroom. I walked down the garden path and encountered my neighbour, who laughed and sang "Una paloma blanca" whilst nodding knowingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 515

Paws for thought

By Anonymous - 27/08/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, I was trying to exercise while having to keep my cat inside. Turns out it’s impossible to do pull-ups when a cute kitty is sitting on top of the ledge you’re holding on to, thinking you’re playing peekaboo and trying to slap your silly face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 231

Menace to society

By Uri - 20/12/2024 09:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I sneezed so hard during a meeting that my glasses flew off and hit my boss in the face. Now everyone keeps jokingly ducking every time I look their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 119

Suffer little humans

By Go away dude - 11/06/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 204

Just take the W

By sexy…i guess - 02/08/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my sister’s friends think I’m “hot” and “sexy.” They’re nine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 99

Nice day for a walk

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, I waved at a baby in a stroller whilst walking past a pub's beer garden. The baby didn't wave back. Instead, the 'mum' turned around and said, 'Why are you waving at my bag?' I then realised that it wasn't a baby stroller, just a big purse with a blanket over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 402

Awkward phrasing

By Anonymous - 09/01/2023 12:00

Today, a blind guy asked me out, but since I'm already in a relationship I politely declined, saying, "Sorry, I'm already seeing someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 258

Nostalgia

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my husband that I missed how exciting it was when we were dating, so he pretended to sneak into my room through the window, we had sex, then fell asleep. All very exciting. Then the bastard actually snuck out while I was still asleep, and didn’t call me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 691

Alexa, play "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac

By MadMax - 16/07/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 543

You deserved it 5 364

Small talk

By Marina - 21/06/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, I was in bar and got talking to a guy next to me, who turned out to be American, which is quite exotic in my part of the UK. During the conversation, he mentioned being a vet, so I went on a long tangent about my cat's diarrhoea and asked him for advice. He let me babble on for ages before smiling and saying, "Not that kind of vet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 521

By Laila - 20/02/2013 12:01 - United States

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said they were for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 575

You deserved it 5 250

By geewhy - 26/12/2012 21:20 - United States - South Park

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 743

You deserved it 5 451

Adulting

By Laurenb - 06/07/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, I was teaching a class when a kid asked me why grown-ups needed to drink coffee. Before I could answer, another kid chimed in, "Because adults are boring and tired all the time." I laughed and said that sometimes adults need a little extra energy. One kid raised his hand to ask, "Is that why you're so grumpy every morning?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 220

It's a sign

By Anonymous - 19/01/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while talking with my sister about why she and her husband never want kids, my own kids kicked a football into the kitchen cabinet, breaking the very bottom shelf, and tipping every plate, dish, and bowl to smash on the floor. My sister just gave me that look, the look that says, “Duh!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 698

Stop staring!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my 5-year-old told me that she'd learnt about gravity, then asked, “So when you fall down, is it because the Earth punched you?” I said yes, along with a giggle. Later at the supermarket, she tripped and screamed, “THE EARTH HIT ME AGAIN!” I was then reminded of high school when it felt like everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 404

Thanks, I guess

By Anonymous - 02/05/2026 11:00 - United Kingdom - Fulham

Today, my kids and husband brought me a bunch of ornamental cabbages for my birthday, rather than flowers. Why? Because, "you're more of a cabbage sort of person." Ah well, guess it's an improvement on last year when they forgot entirely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 68

Truth bomb

By Hoo boy - 09/04/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 93

Enjoy what you enjoy

By Anonymous - 03/07/2025 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 604

The blame game

By Anonymous - 09/11/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is mad because she forgot our anniversary. Not me, her. She thought it was today and got mad at me for having nothing planned. It’s tomorrow, and I do have stuff planned for us. So she’s mad at me because she got it wrong and felt like an idiot, which is somehow my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 92

You can't hurry love

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 680

You deserved it 4 135

By ihatekids - 14/07/2016 20:43

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 936

You deserved it 1 212

Sharing space

By Fingerfqmycupcake - 30/10/2024 08:00 - United States - West Chicago

Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 374

In the doghouse

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 16:00

Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 101

Good one, thanks

By Skidaddle123 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to switch my glass of Coke with a glass of pure vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 534

You deserved it 9 894

Hello there

By My eyes were on the prize - 12/03/2017 00:00

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 190

You deserved it 1 136

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 167

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Friends Love Awkward Miscellaneous Parents Cute Kids Money Geek Ironic Work Books Coworkers Family Roommate Healthy Lifestyle Painful Relatable Health Poopoo peepee Homophobia Weird Scams Transportation Grandparents Proposal Pregnancy Annoying Sexism Teenagers

The Top

Today, I saw a text message on my husband's phone from a "Candice", asking him if he and his wife are still separated, followed by an invitation to spend the night. I never knew we were separated in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 463

You deserved it 2 616

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 468

You deserved it 3 316

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 110

You deserved it 2 904

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 900

You deserved it 6 071

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 552

You deserved it 1 500

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 375

You deserved it 297