Today, I was summoned to the bathroom by my three-year-old, who still needs help cleaning up sometimes. When I walked in, he looked so happy and proud as he pointed to the trash can saying, "Look at my big poop!". Buying a new trash can tomorrow. FML
Today, after recently celebrating our third wedding anniversary, my husband and I watched my mom and his dad say, "I do." I'm now married to my step-brother. FML
Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML
Today, my mom asked me to take my dad's mail to him. The "mail" was divorce papers. FML
Today, after two months of being teased by my friends for getting wasted and passing out from only one shot, I learned that I wasn't actually too weak to handle the alcohol. My "friends" had secretly laced my drink with sleeping pills. They're now teasing me for believing them. FML
Today, at the age of 21, I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. There goes my volleyball career. FML
Today, as a waitress at Denny's, I had a 25 top table. Only 3 of them spoke English. FML
Today, after extensively researching how to properly use in text citations out of fear of my professor reporting me for citing my quotes incorrectly. She reported me instead for forgetting quotation marks on three of my proudly and properly cited quotes. FML
Today, I was helping a women that was looking for skin care products. She kept commenting on the look and "texture" of my skin in a very creepy and almost hungry fashion. I'm afraid that she wants to skin me. FML
Today, I went out to get some medication and left my dog in the house because it was raining. When I returned, I found the tattered remains of video game cases scattered all over my living room floor. Most of them were limited editions that I'd been borrowing from my brother. FML
girlsncomics tells us more.
Today, like every day, I made myself some coffee with my Keurig, but today I discovered a lot of mold growing inside it. I guess that explains why I've been so sick and feel like my lungs have been on fire the last few weeks. FML
ruttles tells us more.
ruttles 16
Op here I actually don't buy the kcups I buy regular coffee and a pod with a washable filter...both cheaper and environmentally friendly. And the keurig was given to me so never actually bought the machine and I never read up on the maintenance instructions like I should've, which I acknowledge is my fault. But I put milk and sugar in my coffee so it never actually tasted bad to me. And the whole machine is black so I couldn't see the mold growing in it. But we've since took the keurig apart (literally) and thoroughly washed and sanitized it and we installed a water filter on it.
Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML
Today, I was so nervous about a medical exam I was about to take, that I misspelled my own first name. It only has three letters. FML
Today, I went to the hairdressers for a quick cut and wash. I didn't expect my ear to be included in it. FML
Pixiewolfe tells us more.
Pixiewolfe 46
Wow my life really sucks with two FMLs published in a month. Luckily she did not actually cut any part of the ear off. It was painful and bleeding a lot but I'm no van Gogh look a like.
Today, I was feeling ill when I woke up. While on the bus to work, I threw up into a plastic cup. I had to sit for half an hour holding an open, very full, warm cup of vomit. FML
siggy_mcsigx tells us more.
siggy_mcsigx 22
It was a coach bus and I was sitting at the back, meaning I would have had to walk up an aisle of eyes and stand up there waiting for the driver to find a suitable place (not easy on irish country roads). Thanks tho :)
Today, I went on a coffee date. My date blew his nose on a discarded napkin, smoked half of my cigarettes despite "giving up", chewed tobacco at the table and casually invited a friend to join us. His friend spat out his tobacco and poured cough syrup into his coffee. I'll pass on a second date. FML
Vee94 tells us more.
OP here! (I didn't have an account when I submitted this..) Yeah this was a weird, uncomfortable experience for me. I've had dates which were boring or which I wasn't into (and vice versa) but there's nothing quite like watching someone fish out chewing tobacco from their gums and plonk it in a coffee cup while telling you that your eyes are pretty... This was a really nice, upmarket coffee shop and I cringed horribly when one of the servers came to take away the cup, wad of chewed up tobacco and snot-covered napkin and all. Shortly after the friend arrived and poured cough syrup into his espresso, I excused myself... and I declined the request for another meeting. But I still haven't gone back in that coffee shop. Nor have I been brave enough to go on any more dates.
Today, I went into my boss's office to confront her about not consulting me before switching my shifts with someone else. I left in tears. FML
Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML
Today, after searching frantically for my economics notes for a week, I asked my friend to send me pictures of hers. I recognised my handwriting on the pictures she sent me and she admitted she'd "borrowed" them. The exam is in three days and she refuses to meet me and give my notes back. FML
Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML
Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML
Today, my new job e-mailed to tell me the role was no longer available, leaving me to start my job search all over again. My notice at my current job ends this week. But it's OK, because as compensation for my 'distress', the company sent £100 worth of vouchers... to the wrong address. FML
Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML
Today, I went to work with a splitting headache, after being ridiculed for calling out with a migraine previously. It was only after I started vomiting blood at my work station that management decided I could go home. FML
Kitkat7291 tells us more.
OP here - I've tried to leave an update a few times but it never sends -_-' I did go to the hospital that day and the over all verdict was in fact an ulcer. I'm on really strong antacids now. I also quit that job 2 weeks after this post, but only after securing another one. I'm much happier now, thank you everyone!
Today, my recent ex-boyfriend stopped by my house with a well-dressed man. He reached into his pocket and handed me records that "prove" he never cheated on me. Oh, and the man next to him? His lawyer, who gave me a summons to court over payment for the items I smashed when I dumped him. FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
Today, on a train to the airport, the ticket inspector pointed out that my girlfriend and I hadn't activated our tickets. He suggested one of us get off and activate them at the next station. Now I'm on the moving train with all our luggage, and she's waving from the platform with our tickets. FML
Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My friends don't believe me since they "didn't get a Facebook notification." FML
Today, my husband insists he'll be able to make a career out of playing League of Legends. He says this with only $4 in our bank account because of his last brilliant career move. FML
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