Today, I paid movers $125 to move a couch into my house that's much too large for the space. FML
Today, like most days, I awoke from a dream where my hair was long again. This time, it was in the way while I was trying to drink water from a fountain. I lost my hair from chemo; it's slowly growing back. FML
Today, after spending money on all the furniture and decor in our apartment, paying rent every month from my bank account, paying for all the groceries, and paying for all the dog supplies, my fiance asked why I don't keep saving thousands of dollars every month, while he pays for none of it. FML
Today, my daughter decided she wants to be a Pokémon for Halloween. To practice the look, she used fabric dye because she thought it would look cool on her skin. Only she decided to dress as Jynx and instead of looking cool, she looks like a racist idiot in blackface. She posted pics. FML
Today, a tattoo artist angrily threw me out of his store because an "88" tattoo is apparently a Nazi thing, representing “Heil Hitler.” I just wanted my birth year. FML
Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML
Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML
Today, as a waitress I served someone who was hoping their food would come back faster than expected. I replied, “Fingers crossed!” just for the person to show me they had no hands. FML
Today, I decided to redye my hair. And the sink, and the wall, and the toilet seat, and the tub. FML
Today, I realised that whenever I make eye contact with a stranger, I yawn. I work at a McDonald's FML
Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML
Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML
Today, my parents told me, after 30 years of marriage, that they are getting a divorce. I went to my boyfriend's apartment because I needed some comfort. While sobbing to him, he decided to dump me on the spot because my reaction to the news was "immature" and he wants an "adult" relationship. FML
Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML
Today, I noticed that the longer I work from home, the more inclined my mother is to interrupting it every five or ten minutes. She says I can stay online late to make it a full 8 hours, but then gets mad when I actually do so. FML
Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant when a man came up to me and said, "You're pathetic for having lunch with someone that much older than you." My dad immediately got up and punched the man in the face. My fiancé's parents had to walk in the door right as it happened. FML
Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML
Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML
Today, my mother tried guilt-tripping me about coming home for the holidays by explaining that, “according to average life expectancy,” she and my father could be dead in the next 10-25 years. I’m already coming home for the holidays. She knows this. FML
Today, I saw yet another dear friend from uni get married, living the good life in their new home. Here am I in my 30s, with no love life, and feeling like that's never going to be for me. FML
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to send a message to the girl I've been crushing on for years. I'm now blocked. FML
Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML
Today, my dad found his old harmonica. It’s been five hours and he shows no signs of stopping. FML
Today, I was riding the subway home after a long shift at hospital. I accidentally made eye contact with a sketchy dude for a split second. He launched a wide spray of spit at me. At least I was wearing scrubs. FML
Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML
Today, after I found out my husband cheated on me and then yesterday had to stop him from trying to kill himself, he's now moved out and has decided that this is all my fault. FML
Today, I found out the girl I like is in love with someone else. Five weeks ago, she told me she's never been in love. FML
Today, I was having an emotional breakdown. I'm unhappy a lot and don't know why. It's very confusing. My dad yelled at me, telling me, "You have no right to be sad!" I'm even more confused now. Help. FML
Today, I couldn't enter my workplace because I haven't gotten the new keycard yet. I ended up having to wait outside for close to an hour. FML
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