Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML
Today, I found out that I've been pronouncing "quinoa" wrong for years. FML
Today, my son decided to run around a supermarket in his underwear, leaving me to chase after him. FML
Today, my brother called me a clueless idiot after I told him that odometers measure distance traveled, not a person's body odor. FML
Today, I had a big presentation at work and I was feeling really confident. I'd practiced it over and over and I knew it inside out. But when I got up to speak, I realized I had left my notes at home. I ended up winging it and it was a disaster. FML
Today, two of my coworkers broke the dishwasher. They ran a fully cooked rotisserie chicken through it multiple times until the meat disintegrated off its bones, just to 'see what would happen'. FML
Today, my cat decided to use my keyboard as a scratching post, and now my computer won't work. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, I got a parking ticket because I was too busy singing along to my music to notice that I'd overstayed the time limit on the quick stop parking space. FML
Today, after I'd spent all summer creating lesson plans for the fall, I'm finally ready for new students. I'd tested all my lessons with summer school students, who loved them because it taught them to think differently about how to use a computer. My boss told me I can't use it because students won't like it, even though they already did. FML
Billsonhamsen tells us more.
OP here. OP here. My coworker and I quit. I have gone back a few times since and it is always somber there now. The people in charge have a way of killing everyone's spirits even the students. They were always/usually happy when I was there That section of the school lost half the employees in less than 18 months. I was the most recent one to quit. I don't know about the other areas because I don't go there. Anyway we started our own buisness so hopefully in a few years things will be going well. I will probably post again then.
Today, I discovered that my mother has been stealing from me to cover her mountain of debt. I’m barely making ends meet as it is. When I confronted her, she had the gall to suggest I get a second job to support her. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML
Today, I found out my dog can open the fridge. Now I have no food left. FML
Today, I accidentally swallowed a piece of gum. My doctor says it'll pass in 7-10 years. FML
Today, my boss told me to "act more professionally." So… I sat in the corner and cried for an hour. FML
Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML
Today, my wife faked being kidnapped. She composed a ransom letter and made calls from her phone screaming for help frantically and hanging up. I got the cops involved. Turns out it was all a scam, because she “wanted to see what I’d do” because apparently she “hasn’t been feeling loved” lately. FML
Today, I realized my mom was right. I should have listened to her and not gotten a pet alligator. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 7 years left me for the woman I had previously expressed concerns about. I wouldn't feel so bad if he hadn't dumped me and then got with her not even two hours later. FML
Today, I found my daughter punching her brother repeatedly. Apparently, he'd put the wrong fuel in her van so after 20 years of him being a moron, she decided to beat the stupid out of him. Thing is it’s worked; he’s too bruised and scared of her to do anything, period, just in case. FML
Today, I tripped on a rock, fell in a pond, and lost my phone. All while dressed as a banana for a charity run. FML
Today, I almost died in the shower when I slipped and my dumbass self tried to grab the water. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend went to a “Lovers New Year's Eve” party. I didn’t go. He told me he had to “work” that night and couldn’t spend time with me. When I confronted him about it, he told me he “forgot” to tell me and it was “a last minute thing.” We’ve been dating for 3 years. FML
Today, I've become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they're not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath - even in public - completely confident that no one will listen. FML
Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML
Today, I embarrassed myself not once, not twice, but three times in front of a coworker. I dropped something, they came to help; I got distracted and fell forward onto my knees, to only then nearly knock over an entire skid of boxes on to the both of us. I kinda want to quit my job. FML
Today, I was looking for flower seeds on the internet, wanting the same pretty flowers that my mom has. My mom, who lives next door, and whose pretty flowers grow seeds that I could just have picked and planted. It seems a high IQ does not prevent you from simply being stupid. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents have been having issues with her older brother and her mom called to say she was flying over to stay with my girlfriend. I'm twice my girlfriend's age and she hasn't told her parents about me. She also sublet out her apartment and we have been living together for over a year. FML
Today, I had a blind date with someone a friend said would be a "perfect match" with me. Instead, that "perfect match" tried to get me to sign up to their scammy food supplement MLM. FML
Today, unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend got a tattoo of the Joker on his neck. The worst part? It's Jared Leto's godawful Joker. FML
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