Today, my wife faked being kidnapped. She composed a ransom letter and made calls from her phone screaming for help frantically and hanging up. I got the cops involved. Turns out it was all a scam, because she “wanted to see what I’d do” because apparently she “hasn’t been feeling loved” lately. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, my daughter and her best friend made an elaborate plan that she was kidnapped, causing me to cough up $7000 in ransom money, which I later found out was a hoax. All this because she’s still upset I left her terminally ill mother for my current girlfriend. FML
Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to someone else.” FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
I think this calls for a re-evaluation on your part if this marriage is salvageable and/or if wife needs psychological counseling.
Vesi 30
You got the police involved.. I'm really wondering what they decided about that.. pissed off.. or thought it was funny..?
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Comments (5)
Chazzster 32
I think this calls for a re-evaluation on your part if this marriage is salvageable and/or if wife needs psychological counseling.
Vesi 30
You got the police involved.. I'm really wondering what they decided about that.. pissed off.. or thought it was funny..?
core01 30
I think this should require an immediate psych eval on her.
JasonThorn 23
Yeah, getting a strong narcissist vibe off of this one. Either that or she's bone-stupid.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Because this is a much better way of dealing with her problems/feelings than, I don't know, TALKING to you about them. I hope the cops fine her for making you file a police report that was technically a false one.