Nearly FMLs

By Shawnie Gallant - 16/09/2018 05:53

Today, my fiancé and I went to pick my sister up from the city. She hasn’t seen our family in ages. We had a visit with my mother, who likes to drink. My sister took this as a great opportunity to get drunk, and has painted our rental in vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 16/09/2018 03:48

Today, I learned that the girl I had been dating for 5 months had been hooking up with her ex several times a week. She told me over the phone, followed by her saying that she wasn't interested in me, she and her ex were officially back together, and that she no longer wanted to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 4

By Mona_Girl - 16/09/2018 02:19

Today I have accidentally seen how disgustingly large my father's package is. When I shared what I saw with my aunt (mom's sister) she simply said, "Yeah. Why do you think we call him Big Ed?" It was at that point I realized why my dad gets so mad when I call him Big Daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 17

By oh-when-the-gangbanged-goes-marching-on - 15/09/2018 19:56

Today, I called in sick. Later I rang a live radio show to talk about the theme of the day: sex. They rang me back so I shared about my swinger's life. I used both my landline and my cell but got a little mixed up. Somehow the line called my boss too. He heard all about my loving fun in groups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 64

By WhatDid I Do???? - 15/09/2018 13:14 - United States - Estero

Today, I won the trifecta. No, not at the races, but the trifecta of having months of work destroyed in a computer crash, finding I'll have to take custody of my brother's child, and finding the nice ring I bought to console myself with vanish from the mail. Well played, universe. Well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

By "Cano_johana" - 15/09/2018 10:10

Today, was smiling at a cute guy sitting in a working truck, he caught me and his response gave me a frown and put up his tinted window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 6

By Safarigirl15 - 15/09/2018 00:31

Today, while having sex my boyfriend wanted to try erotic asphyxiation on me, so I said yes, I passed out for about 4 minutes and remember waking up to my boyfriend on top of me, let's just say his broken nose and my bruised forehead call for never doing that again, FML...

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 25

By Linda Mau - 14/09/2018 20:10

Today, I decided it would be a good day to sleep in. My 8 month old that has been sleeping through the night and until 9 am decided to get up at 2 a.m., 4 a.m., and again at 6 a.m. and not go back to sleep. His 3 year old brother just decided to cannonball into clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By bad at math - 14/09/2018 13:51 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my math teacher had to call me because my grade is so bad. It's only the second week of school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 725

You deserved it 920

Alaina Heuerman tells us more.

Alaina Heuerman 20

Friday 14 September 2018 6:50

Soooo uh this was mine, but! I DID IT! I went from an F to a B! I’m not failing!

By anon - 14/09/2018 05:39

Today, I got fired for working after hours.... for free, to make sure the business had enough baked goods to sell! Owner says this makes me “untrustworthy”?!? WTF!! FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 7

By Corisaur - 14/09/2018 04:58

Today, while on campus, the driver of a pretty white Prius took it upon themselves to park next to me on the outskirts of the parking lot and give my car its first dent. I’ve only had it for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2

By Arachnophobia - 13/09/2018 22:49 - Canada - L'assomption

Today, I was driving home when a spider crawled on my windshield right in front of my face. I am extremely afraid of spiders, so I tried to get it off with my wipers. It didn't work, because it was in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

By N7 SOILDER - 14/09/2018 02:18

Today, at work a person admitted to the ER, nothing out of the norm right? nope, said person was drunk & high, who decided to get violent with the staff keeping him alive. it was my job to grab him and get him back to his bed & restrain him, only to be told after that he has scabies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1

By "hcditfi5foygy" - 13/09/2018 23:18

Today, I was at an outdoor concert. I had the shits, so I ran to the nearest port-toilet. I apparently took so long that the teens outside thought nobody was in it, and tipped it over to make sure. When they saw me, they ran off. They didn't even put it back upright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

By Glass couldn't handle dat ass - 13/09/2018 23:00

Today, my cat was sitting on the living room table (which has a glass top or should I say had) because as soon as I sat on the table to pet my cat the glass broke into multiple pieces underneath my ass. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 13/09/2018 13:57 - United States - Pell City

Today, I was informed that I’m not allowed to lock my bedroom door to keep my ex out. He has a history of stealing/hiding personal belongings, touching me inappropriately while I sleep, and going through my phone/journal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 8

By etr - 13/09/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I got home from school and my mom grabbed me by the shirt, completely unprovoked, and threatened to make my life a living hell if she finds out I'm not changing my pad at school. I have no idea where that came from. I change it regularly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 537

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 13/09/2018 20:30

Today, my boss yelled at everybody, saying everyone would be fired and a whole new staff would be hired because of a computer error we had no control over. But, you know, we're all dumb and it's our fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 370

You deserved it 139

By bantaray - 13/09/2018 11:20 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I woke up late and was rushing to get ready for work. When it came to brushing my teeth, I used diaper rash cream instead of toothpaste... FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 15

By NarcissisticFolks - 13/09/2018 19:01 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today my mother insisted I apologize to my father. I haven't spoken to either of them for 2 weeks because my father shouted at me, blaming me for the government raising taxes while my mother demanded I stop defending myself against his tirade. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 2

By Fins&Fluff - 13/09/2018 05:55

Today, I got drunk after work and told my manager about how I had a 3-way on my 20th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 58

By Whatswrongwithme - 12/09/2018 22:17 - United States - Birmingham

Today, despite using prescription creams and talking to more than one doctor, my legs will not stop itching. I can't get in to see the dermatologist until next month, and am currently lying in bed with both legs so raw I had to wrap them up in gauze and surgical tape. They still itch. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 2

By In Mourning - 13/09/2018 02:24

Today, I discovered my husband is a sensitive man. He burst into tears when he learned his sister’s eight year old dog died. I guess he was more choked up about a pet than a person. My Nonna’s funeral was Today; I went alone and have been crying for days. He barely acknowledged it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 4

By Coffee - 13/09/2018 02:03

Today, I learned to never drink coffee on an empty stomach. Why? Because the combination of an empty stomach and strong coffee, makes a horrendous sound that made half the class to turn their head towards me. The look of disgust from the classmates haunt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 23:34

Today, I received a call to let me know I was not selected for the position I've had interviews for more than a month, and also that my girlfriend who I referred to the job got the position and is now flying to Budapest for her training with some dude. I still have no job offers not even close. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 18:45 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today I had it confirmed by DNA testing that 2 out of my 4 kids are not mine. Damn divorce attorneys are so expensive FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 1

By Zee - 12/09/2018 16:29

Today, I decided to cook a meal for the first time in 5 weeks as I've been too busy to cook, I made my favourite meal to treat myself. I've since not been able to stop vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 5

By Hazel Eyes - 12/09/2018 14:55

Today, I walked into work with a bit of a stomach cramp. I came over to my boss who hugged me a little too tight and I let out a huge wet fart that was hot as hell. As she backed away slowly I was standing there mortified. Let’s just say hugs are done now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 2

By LovelyLady831 - 12/09/2018 08:25

Today, I had an interview for a job that seemed very promising. After staying up all night; worried about the interview, I overslept. I called to reschedule or set up a phone interview on that day. If the manager ever called me, I wouldn’t know it BC my cell phone service was cut for non payment, FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 07:18

Today, after dropping almost $300 on new tires, I came out to find someone busted my window. There goes my savings. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 2

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The Top

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 896

You deserved it 10 268

Today, I thought it would be fun to post a throwback photo of myself in high school on Facebook. I didn't realize I was still logged into my work account. Now all my colleagues and clients have seen my awkward teenage years, complete with braces, pimples, and an unfortunate haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 650

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 484

You deserved it 5 367

Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 1 263

Today, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tired, we said yes. She slowly kicked me out of my side of the bed and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 293

You deserved it 15 554

Today, I took a picture of a carrot that closely resembled a penis and sent it to one of my friends. My parents saw the photo and grounded me, thinking it was an actual dick pic. They refuse to believe otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 328

You deserved it 931