Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 26/09/2018 22:13 - United Kingdom - Bodmin

Today, I mark 10 years that I've been on the pill. I'm still a virgin. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

By CommuterLR1 - 26/09/2018 21:26 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, whilst on the underground, the train jolted unexpectedly. I instinctively blindly grabbed the nearest thing to me: a man's boob. #himtoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 10

By Doze - 26/09/2018 15:03 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I discovered that, the romantic parents' trip was upgraded to the family trip to celebrate my brother's birthday. Everybody in my family and their spouses were invited, but only me with my girlfriend were left out. Reason, I have to keep an eye on the family house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 3

By GoWithTheFlo - 26/09/2018 13:01

Today I tried a new route on my commute, cutting through a college campus. I spent half an hour wandering around in circles because Google Maps directed me to go down a road that hasn't been built yet & go through a locked 10ft gate... When I finally got to my bus stop, I had no money on my card FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 17

By Monogamous what? - 26/09/2018 00:55 - United States - Des Moines

Today, My boyfriend of five years isn’t sure what he wants more. To be a happy loving relationship with me or to sleep around with as many other people as possible.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

By kira123 - 26/09/2018 06:29

Today, I had enough cold showers and tried to replace the water heater drain valve while hubby was at work. All was fine until I saw a small leak. I tapped it; pressurized water pinched my soul & sprayed onto the ceiling & walls flooding the house. My eyes burn. I got bitch-slapped by water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 12

By sadsar - 26/09/2018 00:20

Today, I met this great sounding guy on a dating website. Been communicating via text and really been getting along, have some common interests, laughed a lot. He seemed genuine. Fed me some story about a secret cache of gold in the Middle East. I’m almost positive I’m being catfished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 12

By Tom Irvine - 25/09/2018 04:39

Today, I just realized I work way more hours than I actually spend sleeping. People complain about 5 days on and only 2 days off. My shortest stretch has been 9 days and I still only get a couple days off. On top of that, I work 12-hour shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 7

By WhatsYoursisMine - 24/09/2018 18:57 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I went to grab my toothbrush and saw that it was replaced with a new one. Flashback to last night when my husband said he bought one to replace him. Flash back to present me frozen in horror at the possibility that we have been sharing the same toothbrush for months. We were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 24/09/2018 16:02 - United States

Today they are doing construction on our building. Workers shut off the main water supply. They said it would be on before they left for the day. They lied. I have a medical condition that requires me to keep fully hydrated all day. There is no way for me to get water. It’s 98° in Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 6

By millalucy - 24/09/2018 20:14

Today, at work in a hotel, these guests had a room with two single beds and she seemed quite a bit older than him. I asked the man if his mother was enjoying their stay... apparently she was his wife. I found out later when my manager told me the guy complained about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 53

By DeerWombat - 24/09/2018 20:13

Today, I found out my ex was getting gonorrhea from some guy after she broke up with me cause we were "going too fast." She asked me to drive her to get her shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 7

By Sad Man - 24/09/2018 19:08

Today I found the girl I have been in love with since high school on Facebook. Unfortunately, she married the guy who bullied me since 9th grade and is expecting another child with him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 15

By Unluckyhusband - 24/09/2018 16:49

Today... It has been months since my wife and I have had sex. Today is also my birthday. I have been telling her for weeks that all I want for my birthday is to have sex. When it comes time to try she gets up says I'm not in the mood and goes to the couch. Better luck next year... FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 18:28

Today, I went to the doctor for severe chest pain that worsens when I cough. She informed me that I have two broken ribs and diagnosed me with bronchitis. This is going to be a long healing process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 3

By John M Reid - 23/09/2018 17:35

Today, I cleaned the girlfriend's house for three hours to be nice. She came home and bitched because the dishes aren't done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By silver - 22/09/2018 20:46

Today, I asked my dad for help regarding a computer issue. He then refused and yelled at me because I’m a millennial and I have “no excuse” to be less technologically competent than someone from Generation X. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 7

By GoGirlfriend - 22/09/2018 12:35

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go out with him so he could play Pokemon Go. We ended up walking around a park for 5 hours without a break so he could catch his Mewtwo. My legs feel like jelly, and my feet are killing me, but at least he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 54

By Talit - 22/09/2018 10:17

Today the guy I started to fall in love with told me he is married. To a woman in Thailand (we live in Europe). I've known him for over a year and he never thought to tell me... FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 22/09/2018 09:22

Today, marks our ten year wedding anniversary. It also marks five sexless years. So glad I moved internationally to be together, and somehow completely stop having sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 21/09/2018 21:31

Today I was sitting in class and I heard people laughing. I'm just sitting there wondering what they are laughing at and then the teacher calls them out, one says he needs to take a walk. When he passes, he says, people got to wear better clothes. Then I realized they saw my "Yes Daddy" undies... FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 21/09/2018 20:32

Today, I left the window open on my patrol car and had to leave the car for a few minutes. This would have been fine if it hadn’t started raining. There are still puddles in my floor board FML.

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 48

By Anonymous - 21/09/2018 07:52 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, the day before I move house, I did two loads of washing. Shortly after hanging it out, the washing line snapped in two. When I went to buy an airer, I discovered my only bank card is with someone who's away for four days. And my period started in the middle of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 21/09/2018 12:48

Today my wife is divorcing me, my son is going with her, the boiler burst and needs replacing, my cat had a seizure and died, someone hit my car and scraped the paint, someone stole my credit card out of the mall and I strained my back lifting the shopping and all before 11:30 in the morning FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 10

By Joshua Titus - 21/09/2018 16:06 - India - Chennai

Today, my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me because she doesn't like to kiss and I tried to kiss her too many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 15

By Traumatized flyer - 21/09/2018 12:11

Today, I was flying to Utah for vacation. I was very nervous about it because I’m afraid of heights. Guess who had a crying baby on one side, sick lady on the other, and a kid kicking my seat behind.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 21/09/2018 04:31

Today, I got my period. For the 3rd week in a row. I thought it was finally done so I'd put my clean expensive freshly bleached white panties on. The couch is crimson red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 19:30

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 months has another girlfriend he’s been with for a year and that she’s pregnant with his child. Turns out I was the side piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 4

By selene - 20/09/2018 14:37

Today psychology really is a wonderful thing, the instant I told my husband I was thinking it was time we had a baby he went as limp as a deepened fish and hasn’t had a boner in nearly 3 weeks. One time we even loaded him up on his granddad's viagra and he barely managed to raise a semi FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 16

By firedfornothing - 20/09/2018 02:39

Today, I got fired for something I didn't do. My coworker who was in charge of closing the store for the night, left the back door wide open. I got fired and he did not get a word said to him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, my professor called me out for drinking whiskey in class. I was actually drinking iced tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 332

You deserved it 947

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 3 598

Today, I flew across country to college. My luggage did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 720

You deserved it 3 366

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 015

You deserved it 6 027

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 439

You deserved it 352

Today, according to my doctor, I have the most stubborn case of chlamydia he’s ever encountered. It’s somehow survived three full courses of treatment, and I only caught it because my ex-fiancé is a cheating whoremonger. I may never have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 178