Nearly FMLs

By priorities - 21/02/2016 23:38 - Australia - Southbank

Today, my friend said she can't spend $70 on her sick cat but can happily spend $200 on a toy she wanted on impulse. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By derpy - 21/02/2016 23:38 - United States - Hoffman Forest

Today, my mother is so paranoid I'm pregnant since I've been throwing up nonstop for two days she took me to the Dr for a test. As I'm still a virgin the test was negative. She then told the dr he must have done the test wrong since there's nothing else that could cause the vomiting. Really mom? Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By wtf - 21/02/2016 23:21 - United States - Washington

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because my "lack of self-worth disgusts him". I don't even know what he's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By silverstream20 - 21/02/2016 23:16 - Australia - Seven Hills

Today, I tried to romantic by purchasing a bunch of roses for my fiance. Little did I know, that the moment I walked through the door and presented them to her, she started sneezing furiously, threw them in my face and then stormed off. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 23:15 - United States - Methuen

Today, I came out to see an old friend for my birthday and got ditched. I flew across the country to see her and for the 5th year in a row I'm drinking alone on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kara_araK - 21/02/2016 23:06

Today, I was feeling self-conscious about the stretch marks on my stomach and complained to my fiancé. He said "It's okay baby, they almost make a full circle so it's not that bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Vkfan - 21/02/2016 23:04 - Italy

Today, I woke up after up after having sex with this girl I've been seeing for a while, despite our age gap making it barely legal. That's when I stumbled upon her SSN and found out that a "little lie about her birthdate" has just made me a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dipsy607 - 21/02/2016 23:03 - Ireland

Today, my cat threw up in front of me and then pestered me for food until I fed her. She threw that up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Camry_Girl420 - 21/02/2016 22:52

Today, I was told my depression is all in my head. Where else did they expect it to be? in my toenails? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anthony - 21/02/2016 22:50 - United States - Ozark

Today, I promposed to my crush of 3 years. When she opened her locker and saw the sign that I left her, some asshat next to her claimed that it was him who left the sign her. She jumped into his arms exclaiming "yes!" Now no matter how many times I tell her, she won't believe it was actually me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 22:42 - Australia - Sydney

Today I went on a date, an hour and a half in he tells me he went on a date with a girl yesterday and wants to start seeing her. Out of respect for her he doesn't want to see anyone else. This was a first date. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By UnknownBannana - 21/02/2016 22:01 - United States - South Lake Tahoe

Today,I awoke to a bloody nose. A very bloody nose, so bad I had to stay in the bathroom for 20 minutes. My mom walked in and accused me of masturbaiting and gave me a 30 minute lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By randommanwill - 21/02/2016 22:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I got in trouble for not texting while I was driving. Yes, you read that correctly. My mom spent an hour screaming at me because I didn't reply to her. When I asked her why she didn't text me earlier, she said it was because she was driving. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By akeide - 21/02/2016 21:50 - United States - Brainerd

Today, during sex my boyfriend fell asleep, it just so happens that I was on bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ggg - 21/02/2016 21:39 - Anonymous Proxy

Today I fell in love with an escort I have been seeing. I am the only client she can orgasm with and I am her only client who cannot orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By har - 21/02/2016 21:35 - United States - Seattle

Today, my parents found matches, toothpaste and eyedrops and are now convinced that I am a pothead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Sigma777 - 21/02/2016 21:32 - United States - Houston

Today, I felt like eating fish, so I headed to a fast food fish joint and then home. As I ate the fish, the fish started to taste odd and a bit slimy. I looked at the food and the batter and fish wasn't cooked all the way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SingleMayBeBest - 21/02/2016 21:27 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not replying her and taking work too serious. I'm running my own business and forgot my phone at home. She kept spamming even when she heard my phone next to her and still blames me. I'm as confused as you may be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fedorablecats - 21/02/2016 21:27 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got food poisoning. It turns out I read the pork instructions wrong. I baked it 100 degrees lower than it should be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 21:23 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I witnessed my boss eating seeds of our freshly baked breads and not changing her plastic gloves when serving a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By llamaparty - 21/02/2016 21:16 - Netherlands

Today, I was talking to my dad on Facebook. He asked me to come by sometime, to come look at his new pool. I asked him about it until he said 'oh, yeah, I've got a new girlfriend. Don't tell your stepmom.' They were still together. My stepmom and sister didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 20:57

Today, a random person came to me and said that I was very brave. She then hugged me, sobbed and said that everything was going to be alright. No, I don't have cancer. I am just skinny and bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MacTheQuack - 21/02/2016 20:56 - United States - New Bethlehem

Today, I helped my best friend throw a suprise wedding for her and her boyfriend. He said no, and broke up with her in front of everyone. She blamed it all on me.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By haku4u - 21/02/2016 20:52 - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, after several days of suffering from a severe headache and coughing fits, I decided to gocto a walk-in clinic. The attractive nurse took a swab to test for strep. Turns out that I have a really bad gag-reflex and I threw up all over her which cause her vomit everywhere. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HerrPoopyPants - 21/02/2016 20:44 - United States - Irvine

Today, I told one of my good friends that I have been having suicidal thoughts. His only response is "That's stupid". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Phoenix - 21/02/2016 20:40 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today my boyfriend decided to tie me up and blindfold me, pleasuring me with a vibrator. We're about halfway through when I hear him suddenly say 'it's stuck up there.' The whole kinky moment was totally killed by him literally poking around inside me to get it out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By That_one_girl - 21/02/2016 20:19 - United States - Shreveport

Today, my boyfriend took way too much convincing, when I asked him to confront a guy who won't leave me alone. His excuse? "He's only human babe. I can't blame him, you're gorgeous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mathfail - 21/02/2016 20:16 - United States - Benton Harbor

Today, I started a precalculus course in order to bolster my math skills. I was in tears after three questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ClubGoingUp - 21/02/2016 20:06 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I gave a rendez-vous to someone who wanted to buy my Gold Watch. When we met he seemed familiar but i didnt think much of it. He was actually the guy known for robbing people on the site. I'm now broke and clueless of what time it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sicko - 21/02/2016 19:49 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I've been pretending all week that I haven't been sick. I'm to the point where I can no longer breathe without coughing and the coughing either makes puke or gasp for air so bad I nearly blackout. I have a 12 hour shift tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend finally moved in with me, after being long distance for months. Our apartment just became infested with mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 105

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 422

You deserved it 656

Today, I had a lovely day, right up until the moment I got home, went to change my pad, and realised that sometime in the last two hours, somewhere between the library and this moment, my pad had somehow… fallen out. So somewhere out there my bloody pad is… just there. What if someone saw? FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 122

Today, a new coworker asked me how to pronounce my name and made a dismissive remark that, "all Asian names are so hard to pronounce and they all sound the same." My name is Christopher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 879

You deserved it 267

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 641

You deserved it 3 623

Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 812

You deserved it 5 276