Nearly FMLs

By sweet kid - 26/02/2016 10:54 - Afghanistan

Today, while I'm deployed in Afghanistan, my girlfriend decided to ignore me all day for no apparent reason. She's on a business trip and let something slip about another man. When I asked she said I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By worksucks! - 26/02/2016 10:43 - United States - Auburn

Today, while working my graveyard shift at a gas station. A regular female customer came in drunk as a bat, took her pants and panties down and walked to the bathroom to pee, when she came out she had pissed all over leg and pants and walked out of the store naked leaving a wet trail behind her.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PotatoesAndCake - 26/02/2016 10:20 - United Kingdom - Blackwood

Today, the man I have been in love with for seven years, told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Too bad he's married and has a kid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By darshini_ii - 26/02/2016 10:10 - India - Chennai

Today, my boyfriend went to a strip club with his ex, it's also my birthday so there's that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HeartBroken - 26/02/2016 10:06 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I played football with another girl while she was out shopping with 3 guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By probablyadopted - 26/02/2016 09:57 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, my parents openly critised my fiancé for being Muslim, warning him that he "better not try and manipulate me into turning away from Jesus." Little did they know, I've been Muslim since I was 17. I told them this at the time, but they were convinced it was a phase, like "being gay" or "being a tranny". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By JudgeDredd - 26/02/2016 09:15 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, as I was rushed into to hospital, I learned that no, you cannot live off wine and chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 08:39 - United States - Little Falls

Today, I went to my boyfriend's FB page to send him a message because he hadn't contacted me since he got a new job & I see his name tagged on pics of his bedroom that were uploaded by a girl that he claimed was only a friend, his new job was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sharkfacehuskies - 26/02/2016 07:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my mom fed my dog human food even though she isn't allowed to. My dog has been farting while in active sleep for two hours. I leave but when I come back, I'm not as noseblind, so it's just a warm room of farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ballsacks33 - 26/02/2016 07:44 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, there was a persistent itch in my pubic region while in class. I have a very thick, lush forest down there so I thought it was just the hair being annoying. After class, I went to take a leak and saw that my forest was inhabited by the friendly neighbourhood spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Druu - 26/02/2016 07:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I realized what the woman whom I adore meant when she said she's opposed to the institution of dating. She actually meant she's opposed to the institution of dating ME. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 07:29 - Italy

Today, after being very sick, I finally returned to school. My bag was incredibly heavy because of my literature textbook, and I could barely carry it due to how weak I have become. Literature class was canceled today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By grumblebum - 26/02/2016 07:17 - Australia

Today after an exhausting stinking hot day I went to bed, my husband was combination horny and tired. Each time I drift off, he'd try mauling at me and be loudly snoring seconds later. Ended up on a 2 seater lounge unable to sleep til 5am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By vjfrost - 26/02/2016 07:10 - United States - Aliquippa

Today, my boyfriend and I get a call from his mom at 6 in the morning saying our dog has been outside for 2 hours. Turns out our roommate put her outside because she needed out and she fell back to sleep. It's snowing outside.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 3_n_Done - 26/02/2016 07:01 - United States - Tracy

Today, I met a friend for lunch who admitted he didn't need to have another start-up because he could retire at 35. I had just come from a debt finance counseling session so I can file bankruptcy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By J215B - 26/02/2016 06:55 - United States - Kingston

Today, I have strep throat, a sinus infection and bronchitis. I'm in all kinds of pain and it hurts to even breathe. I also have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By vananyask1 - 26/02/2016 06:30 - United States - Cypress

Today, I had sex with a guy I really like. After we finished, my vag decided to let out a 10-second long queef while we stood there in complete silence. I don't think he's ever going to talk to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MadeUpUsername - 26/02/2016 06:22 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I found out that my dog had eaten a tube of bright pink lipstick, and got it all over herself. I only found out after I let her sit on my lap and snuggle. My hands are dyed and pants are ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 26/02/2016 05:51 - United States - Upper Sandusky

Today, I get to go to court, for filing a a report against a guy who raped me, guess he said it was consensual, so much for the DNA, bruises and stitches in my head FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sad cop - 26/02/2016 05:51 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, my wife for the 2nd night in a row left the gas to the stove on. (no flame) in the next room is our wood stove. Last year I was called to a house explosion and two people I knew died. I was unable to help them and I had to help find and the bodies. Yet she don't understand why I am mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By javajav - 26/02/2016 05:32 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I learnt that my step-brother is gay I'm happy for him and all but it would have been better if he didn't tell me by trying to grab my dick when I was in a robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 05:19 - United States - Boise

Today, I got my hair cut significantly shorter in hopes it would help me make more money (I am a door to door salesman). It instead got the cops called on me twice because i "Looked Intimidating". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tessisue - 26/02/2016 05:09 - Germany - Kerpen

Today, two weeks after my aunt told us my favourite ox I really fell in love with would be butchered, my mother proudly proclaimed that she would get new meat from my uncles farm this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sigma777 - 26/02/2016 05:06 - United States - Houston

Today, I had the pleasure of getting the crap beat out of me multiple times by the same two car doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By vannahrose15 - 26/02/2016 05:03 - United States - Broomfield

Today, my boyfriend decided I'm sleeping with my boss because I am nice to him, the same boyfriend who sexted another girl while we were together and only stopped when I caught him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By steff14 - 26/02/2016 05:00 - United States

Today, while commenting about a person's odor and how bad it was I realized it was me who stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By blottygal - 26/02/2016 04:40 - United Kingdom - Chard

Today, my boyfriend offered to look after our baby so I could have a break and go out with the girls. when I got home the poor child was covered from head to toe in talc, had a thick layer of gel in his hair (the bf was experimenting with styles) and his nappy was held together with duct tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By militarybrat - 26/02/2016 04:28 - United States - Edmond

Today, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant. My doctors know this and continue to put me on medications that cause known birth defects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By heyheyitshailey - 26/02/2016 03:58 - United States

Today, while at work I waited on a table of regulars. They are always respectful but tonight they began asking me many questions. After answering their questions I began to walk away when I heard the woman say ,"See I told you dad she's the perfect one." I feel like I was chosen for something awful.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gvmstrack - 26/02/2016 03:54 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was dancing when in the mirror I saw blood on my tan tights... My period came and my two hour dance started ten minutes ago. I have no pad or tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 123

You deserved it 62 441

Today, I got up and left for work despite being really sick, because I had a big meeting. Halfway to work, in deadlocked traffic, my boss texts me to let me know he's rescheduling the meeting to tomorrow because of personal conflicts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 962

You deserved it 2 864

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 2 032

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 533

You deserved it 5 393

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 355

You deserved it 6 697

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 408

You deserved it 5 080