Nearly FML

By slang22 - 26/02/2016 03:54 - United States - Andover

Today, I asked my mother if I could go to a party and she asked to speak with the parents of the person who was throwing the party. By the end of the conversation my mother had the party shut down. Goodbye social life. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Dylan - 26/02/2016 03:48 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, We were working on a project in my Bio class so the teacher was playing music. She all of the sudden screams "DYLAN DO YOU NEED TO GO TO THE NURSE?" We all look at her confused including me. She sighs and says "Oh I'm sorry, you were dancing. I thought you were having a medical problem." FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By TheProSorcerer - 26/02/2016 03:36 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was showering when I heard someone come in my house. Due to my neighbors getting robbed recently, I immediately assumed it was a robber and jumped out of the shower and ran into the living room preparing to fight, only to find my mother coming home from work, very startled to see me. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Carpossessedbysatan - 26/02/2016 03:27 - United States - Vandalia

Today, my car got stuck in the mud, and I had to get it towed out. About 30 minutes after it was out, I lost control of the steering and crashed it. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Sombody - 26/02/2016 03:26 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I Showed my 4 yr old sister a video about house safety, I asked what would Happen If a stranger came. she replied "Kick him" when I came back from school...I was welcomed with a screaming little girl kicking my shins...FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Seenrun - 26/02/2016 03:25 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was arguing with my mom to drive me to school instead of just walk there by myself because a couple of days ago I saw a pack of stray dogs wandering the streets. Because of that, I no longer wanted to walk to school. Anyway my mom made me to walk to school and I got bit by a rabid dog. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 03:23 - United States - Valdosta

Today, I went into the student health center thinking I severely pulled my back out. I come out with a kidney infection and a yeast infection that might be sending me to the hospital if it doesn't show improvement by tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By one shade is enough - 26/02/2016 03:20 - United States - Greenville

Today, my parents finally stopped with the annoying and old joke about how my sister Isabella is engaged to a man named Edward. Now, the new joke is how my name is Anastasia and I'm currently dating a man named Christian. I'd rather go back to the Twilight jokes instead of the 50 Shades jokes. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By mylifestorie - 26/02/2016 03:18 - United States - Kailua

Today, I was babysitting my moms friends 1 year old who has a 13 year old brother, I walked into his room, intending to ask him where her food is instead I walk in on a full blown jerk off session where he then throws my jacket over himself as if nothing happened... How'd he get my jacket? FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By iamdorkette - 26/02/2016 03:13 - United States - Marina

Today, I woke up at 3am to use the bathroom. Normally this isn't an issue, but today my sister had food poisoning. guess who needed to puke as I was in the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Tyrez - 26/02/2016 03:07 - United States - Broomfield

Today, someone left the company I work for so several people including myself got a promotion. My coworker was upset that she didn't so she talked to her brother aka my boss. Now, I'm getting demoted and she is becoming the manager of both our departments. She was already making more than me. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By i-am-procrastinating - 26/02/2016 02:57 - United States - Norristown

Today, I realized that the calculator I am required to have for school cost more than my phone. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Tyrez - 26/02/2016 02:54 - United States - Broomfield

Today, out of curiosity I decided to shave my pubes for the first time. My ballsack feels like cactus. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Ms_ValS - 26/02/2016 02:46 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I learned that the soul crushingly tedious project I'd been working on for the past few days would need to be redone through no fault of my own. There was only 1 remedy, the ice cream I loved as a kid. A quick search told me that the company that made it closed down last year. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By taylor9140 - 26/02/2016 02:45 - United States - Wilmington

Today, after using Acutane for months I've had really bad diarrhea and my eyesight has gotten worse because of the medicine. On the bright side I don't have acne. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 02:37 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my students had their spring pictures made. Since I'm the teacher, I had my picture made as well. When I informed my fiancé of this his response was, "Did you have something else to change into first?" FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By marinara sauce - 26/02/2016 02:35 - United States - King George

Today, the general group of people I know found out that one of my friends likes to call me "a noodle". Now everyone, including my stats teacher, my Academic Team coach, and the captain of my sports team, won't stop referring to me as "noodle". FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Collegeeeesucks - 26/02/2016 02:31 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I realized that after 4 years of college, my degree is completely worthless and I'm probably going to be living woth my parents for the rest of my life. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Dynamite73 - 26/02/2016 02:29 - United States - Bulverde

Today, my baby brother pooped on the bathroom right in front of the toilet. My mom didn't want to clean it up so she made me do it. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By anony - 26/02/2016 02:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to enroll in the gym. My friend was next to me so I listed my age as 30. Boy, does my body regret it. I was given work outs for a 30 year old. Im 50. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By Helped - 26/02/2016 02:19 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out my step dad's new favorite obsession: Puppy Monkey Baby. Everytime he's with my mom he brings it up and even has a rattle to go with it. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By PikaDementia - 26/02/2016 02:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized my father's arachnophopia may be genetic when I saw a spider, sat down, cried and screeched at it until it walked away. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 02:09 - United States - Birds Landing

Today, I realized that my cat is much more likely to respond to me when I talk than my mom is. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Grapesnake5523 - 26/02/2016 01:48 - United States - Franklin

Today, I decided to tell my girlfriend I loved her for the first time, but right before I did, she broke up with me because she was cheating on me with my best friend. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By anonymous - 26/02/2016 01:43 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I watched my beautiful plus-sized friend yet again get way more attention than me when we were out. This would be fine if I didn't just work my ass off to lose over 150 pounds because I was being looked over for my skinny friends. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Bad Dad? - 26/02/2016 01:36 - United States - Leesburg

Today, my daughter, who's learning to crawl, crawled into the dog kennel and shut the door behind her. I posted it with the caption "Look what she's into now!" Two days later CPS showed up to investigate abuse. The door was obviously not even latched. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By RinoaHeartilly - 26/02/2016 01:32 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my roommate woke me up because there was a mouse caught in the mousetrap but was still alive. Guess who had to stomp on it to put it out of its misery. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 01:21 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I am being sued by my neighbor for loss of business. All because I asked if she could tell her clients not to park blocking my driveway so I can get to work in the morning. Apparently two of her clients object to parking 15 feet further away in a residential area. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Heartbroken - 26/02/2016 01:18 - United States - Alexander City

Today, after two years of being with my girl, she took 2,000 dollars from me then proceeded to break up with me. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Toothprick - 26/02/2016 01:14 - United States

Today, I put a toothpick in my pocket, only to put my hand in the same pocket ten minutes later. Jammed that bitch right into the nail fold. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

agreeclassic 24 716

vote type 1 3 490

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

agreeclassic 650

vote type 1 173

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to help rip my radio out of my dashboard. FML

agreeclassic 23 641

vote type 1 5 318

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

agreeclassic 45 870

vote type 1 168 681

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn't catch the customer. FML

agreeclassic 3 021

vote type 1 363

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

agreeclassic 37 681

vote type 1 6 179