Nearly FMLs

By vitjoey4 - 27/02/2016 19:41 - United States - Mesa

Today, I learned the saying, "never trust a fart" is extremely true after having the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dbear26 - 27/02/2016 19:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 2 year old learned why we do not touch poop in the potty. I learned how many times I will puke cleaning diariah poo smeers off of all the furniture and apolstry in both the bathroom and the living room, 3 times FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By friendlessfred - 27/02/2016 19:04 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, some of my classmates came over to my house. This surprised me, as they were much more popular than me and I don't have many friends. After about an hour in, one of them confessed the only reason they agreed to this is because they wanted to hook up with my sister in the grade below. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 19:01 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend would rather masturbate with sex toys and moan outloud than have sex with me in his room.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EarlieBurd - 27/02/2016 19:00 - Uzbekistan

Today, my girlfriend made a mother of quarrels over me hiding and not giving her the tv remote so that she even called police over this. The fact is I don't even know where the fucking remote is. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kara_araK - 27/02/2016 18:57

Today, I was feeling self-conscious about my stretch marks on my stomach and complained to my fiancé. He said "It's okay baby, they almost make a full circle so it's not that bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ow. - 27/02/2016 18:52 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I went downstairs to check on my new puppy, who normally shits and pisses everywhere, I walked in to my living room to see nothing, took a step, into a pile of shit, cleaned it up, bagged the poop and just as I was walking to the front door to throw it away, slipped on a puddle of piss, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kamian - 27/02/2016 18:51 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time, she responded by breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NurseGabby - 27/02/2016 18:51 - United States - Ashville

Today, I walked in on my 14 yo daughter and step-son in bed together naked. When confronted they both tried to play stupid and say nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 18:43 - India - Nagarbhavi

Today my wife of a year and a half decided to finally tell me that the only reason she said yes to my proposal was because her ex was sitting the table next to us in the restaurant that night.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Detergentqueen - 27/02/2016 18:32 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I smelt lemon. Wondering what it was, I followed the smell. Turns out, the detergent container fell, spilling liquid detergent all over the laundry room. It took me and my sister an hour to clean up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By twitchtail - 27/02/2016 18:24 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with my brother, both of whom I previously thought were straight. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ColdGas - 27/02/2016 18:24 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I saw my friend open my fridge, fart in it, and then close the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhatDoIDo - 27/02/2016 18:22 - United States - Londonderry

Today, my brother had 3 seizures. He has never had a seizure before, and doesn't have epilepsy or anything like that, so we don't know what is causing it. He refuses to go to the doctor because his license would get taken away for a year, which is the law in our state. He doesn't even own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By twitchtail - 27/02/2016 18:19 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with my brother. Both of whom I thought were straight.

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 10

By Ive got drugs; u interested? - 27/02/2016 17:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother told me that she is getting my medicine from a different country because "it's way cheaper". I'm literally taking drugs illegally. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bye bye music - 27/02/2016 17:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my twin brother was mad at me. So he sharpied dicks all over my $2,300 guitar that i worked over a year for. My parents believe i did it myself so my brother would get in trouble and i would get a new guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ThePotatoPancake - 27/02/2016 17:28 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I was volunteering with some friends at an event, I was walking over to one of my jobs and was a bit late when I heard my friends talking about how much of a lazy cunt I was because I was late. I was late because I was doing their job that they never showed up for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kittonz - 27/02/2016 17:14 - United States - Aptos

Today, I was hanging out with my sister when her boyfriend showed up and greeted her with a "how's it going beautiful". Before she could respond I absentmindedly blurted out "great thanks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mm12344 - 27/02/2016 17:05 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, my girlfriend went ballistic after a female friend from high school liked a picture of my car on Facebook and left a comment asking how I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rhieee - 27/02/2016 16:59 - Australia - Brighton-le-sands

Today, I stepped on a pen, the point broke off 4.44mm into my heel. I spent 5hrs in hospital, 6 needles into my heel, three stitches and not allowed to put pressure onto my foot. I'm supposed to have work in three hours. It's 4am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By OrinCrimson - 27/02/2016 16:54 - United States - Longview

Today, I was talking to my mother about my wedding plans, and that lead to her getting excited about potential grandkids. I'm infertile and have no plans to adopt. She was with me when the doctors told me years ago. This is not the first time she has forgotten and cried when I reminded her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Damn - 27/02/2016 16:54 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, my brother asked me where Pluto went after it was demoted from planetary status. When I asked him what he was talking about, he replied: "It's not a planet, it doesn't belong on Earth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thischick - 27/02/2016 16:50 - United States - Henderson

Today, I went to my boyfriends house to spend the night and everytime I do, I bring my dog because he has seperation aneixty. This was fine until my boyfriend and I went out for about 10 minutes to talk to the neighbor. In spite, the dog had peed on our bed. We slept on his tiny couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Gracia - 27/02/2016 16:25 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I beat my instructors son in a karate match. My instructor then kicked me out of the club. He actually said the only way a girl could beat his son was if I somehow cheated. It couldn't possibly be that I practiced for 3 years while his son is overweight and bone idle FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By carriegirl098 - 27/02/2016 16:07 - United States - Portland

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up very early for an early job I accepted because of how badly I need the money. So I woke up at the crack of dawn, drove to work for them to tell me they cancelled and "forgot to tell me". Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 27/02/2016 16:07 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and I was saddened. I didn't know what to do but when I got on skype, I see tons of hate comments from my friends. She made it seem like I was the bad guy and now, I'm pretty sure I lost a number of friends now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Hypnotoad2 - 27/02/2016 15:59 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was having some pretty intense sex with my wife of 3 years while drunk. in the heat of the moment, I screamed out a random name. She refuses to talk to me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By isleepinwhitesheets - 27/02/2016 15:40 - Australia - Turner

Today, I was woken in the wee hours of the morning by the sound and smell of me having terrifyingly violent diarrhea in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By itchin bitchin - 27/02/2016 15:33 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be a little spontaneous and decided to have sex in our backyard. I've got mosquito bites all over my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "God told him to." What God didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 342

You deserved it 6 219

Today, armed with enthusiasm and a trowel, I ventured into my yard to plant some flowers. Not even five minutes later, I managed to dig up the cable line, cutting off not only my TV but the entire building's internet. The only thing that's blooming now is my reputation as the least popular neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 656

Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 688

You deserved it 1 999

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 163

You deserved it 4 153

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 668

You deserved it 5 293

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 256

You deserved it 10 443