Nearly FMLs

By Ijustwanttobetreatedasanadult - 28/02/2016 08:15 - United States - Auburn

Today, I realized that I have found the perfect guy for me. I'm 19 and still living at home, while in college, and he is home on leave from the army for awhile. Too bad my crazy overprotective parents blow everything out of proportion and I get anxiety just thinking about telling them about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By desireesun - 28/02/2016 08:11 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized that I was lactose intolerant right before a 2 hour long meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 08:04 - United States

Today, my sleep schedule has me so screwed up in the head that everytime I wake up from a slumber, I feel like I have to get up and get ready to leave for school. It's 3:03 a.m. and I don't think I'll be sleeping for a while. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AirEmergency - 28/02/2016 08:04 - United States - Maspeth

Today, I had food poisoning. 600 angry passengers needed to wait for me to finish blowing up the bathroom and be seated before landing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Brightbulb - 28/02/2016 06:54 - United States

Today, after coming home at 2am I managed to dislocate my knee. No I wasn't drunk or high, I went bowling. How did my knee get dislocated? I sat down on the toilet to pee. I had to call my aunt to get my pants back up and take me to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lab rat - 28/02/2016 06:54 - United States - Morgantown

Today, my roommate informed me of the fact that she's been using me as a testing subject for the past 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ewwww - 28/02/2016 06:47 - India - Jaipur

Today, I witnessed my dad show model his newly bought jeans to my mom and utter the words "It fits fine but is a little tight here" before groping his junk and smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By madison104 - 28/02/2016 06:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was the first day in months I had to opportunity to sleep in. I tossed and turned until 2am last night because I'm sick, and was awoken at 6am by screaming, crying and shattering windows. Apparently my sister hadn't woken up on time to make it to a dance class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By emmq - 28/02/2016 06:42 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my dog came into my room, farted, stared at me for about a minute while I plugged my nose in disgust, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 06:35 - United States - Tulare

Today, driving on my way home from work I stopped at a light and noticed a group of kids pointing and laughing at me through my open window. I looked in the mirror to check my face and discovered a cigarette butt lighting my hair on fire. I don't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By dadperv - 28/02/2016 06:12 - United States - King George

Today, it's 1am and I'm lying in bed with loud music on, attempting to drown out the sound of my parents arguing. And my mom wonders why I want to live on-campus when I go to college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Jbgns123 - 28/02/2016 06:01 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my girlfriend who is my bestfriend who ive waited for a year to date gave me chlamydia after 3 weeks of dating. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Thanksdad - 28/02/2016 05:56 - United States - Hyattsville

Today my Father called to wish me happy birthday and tell me that he hates me and wishes I had never been born and to just die already. He was sober this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By user2499 - 28/02/2016 05:49 - United States - Exton

Today, I finally found the ability to trust again after being in a severely abusive relationship. Today was also the day one of my friends decided to sexually assault me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dyingeagle - 28/02/2016 05:03 - United States

Today I live in the United States and Donald Trump might be our next president. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 05:01 - United States

Today, while at the mall, a elderly woman gave me and me only a pamphlet about how "everyone needs Jesus in their lives." Sadly, this has not been the first occurrence, as everyone in this dumb hick town assumes I'm a satanist because of my blue hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sickymickey - 28/02/2016 05:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, I took new medication and obviously had an allergic reaction. When I got to the Emergency room the doctor was very adamant that I had the flu like everyone else and tried to send me home. Even though I had not one symptom of the flu. She finally realized it when the flu meds didn't work FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By people suck - 28/02/2016 04:53 - United States - Windsor

Today, after the excitement of getting my first paycheck, I quickly discovered it would all be gone after walking out to my car to discover someone shattered the windshield with a large rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cathater - 28/02/2016 04:44 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was playing with my cat with a toy dangling from a piece of string, when she got her legs tangled in the string. This frightened her and she bolted, dragging the toy behind her, urinating as she ran. Through every room in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mitch_Venner - 28/02/2016 04:24 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I finally agreed to watch the movie Selma with my sister. She kept snorting with laughter when a church of black kids was bombed. My sister is white and I'm her adopted black brother. I've never felt so awkward in my life FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 28/02/2016 04:22 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my now ex girlfriend decided to break up with me so she could hook up with someone else. Later that day she called me crying because he "used her" for sex and asked for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By raggedyann - 28/02/2016 04:15

Today, I was reading through some old emails to prove to myself that I am a decent writer. Instead, I came across notes to a high school boyfriend that are so full of emojis and teenage angst that, three years later, I still find myself cringing. Hurray for young love! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 28/02/2016 04:14 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I found out my sister in law calls me a whore behind my back CONSTANTLY. Her reasoning is that I don't have kids. I found out when my 1 1/2 year old niece screamed "Aunt Whore!" at the dinner table in front of the ENTIRE family when my father in law asked her what my name is.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 04:13 - United States - Emmaus

Today I finally came up with the courage to ask out the girl I like. She said she had liked me for the past 7 years but never said anything. Turns out she's moving to another state tomorrow.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By smallfry - 28/02/2016 04:04 - Canada - Prince George

Today, after many months of being single and alone, I managed to cockblock myself. In an effort to make conversation, as we headed back to his place, I asked him how midterms were going at the university. He ending up dropping me off at home, so he could have time to study. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cybRuser - 28/02/2016 04:03 - India - Delhi

Today, I was fined $50 for talking on phone mid flight. Apparently 30000 feet in the air, you still get cellular signal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PizzaPants - 28/02/2016 03:58 - United States - Greeley

Today, I dropped a pizza I made. Don't worry though, I caught it between my hands and legs. I no longer have fingerprints on my right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Saratoga - 28/02/2016 03:53 - United States - Marietta

Today, my uncle told me that when my best friend since childhood was over last night, she got drunk and began bragging to my family about how she's been having sex with my boyfriend of four years.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By xxUnknown - 28/02/2016 03:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years, who I am very in love with, told me he doesn't believe in marriage. I've been dreaming of my wedding day since I was 5.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 03:42 - United States - Roxboro

Today, the kid I was babysitting asked me to wipe his butt after he went poop. This child is six years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, it was supposed to be my first date with a girl I've been speaking to for three months. Last night, she revealed that she's still married, that her husband is "not so bad", and then confessed it all to him and blocked me. It was gonna be my first date in six years, after the last one stalked me across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 165

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 922

You deserved it 6 001

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 090

You deserved it 1 207

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 182

You deserved it 4 229

Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed out state. The employer's first question was: "What's your name?" I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 858

You deserved it 9 957

Today, my dog decided to take a poop at the top of an icy hill. Being a good citizen, I went to clean it up. Guess who slipped and wore the poop all the way down the hill… FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 143