Nearly FMLs

By whattheactualfuck - 27/02/2016 07:14 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I discovered that my mum has been saying I made up the stories about my very abusive childhood. All because I came out of the closet two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Faily_tail - 27/02/2016 07:00 - United States

Today, I went mountain climbing with my friends. Little did I know I had a fear of heights. I passed out, fell down, and had to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Fumi - 27/02/2016 06:58 - United States - Missoula

Today, I had to give up hope that my boyfriend was coming back. He went to Vegas last month and the last text he sent me was "I won a lot of money.. What's your ring size? I can't wait to see you tomorrow." His number has changed and I see his car outside his house every day on my way to work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By catlover(annoyed) - 27/02/2016 06:46 - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, my boyfriend peed on my 5 month old kitten. Now I have an arm of scratches because of this little beast I had to bathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 06:18 - United States - Asheville

Today, I confided in my best friend that at nearly 20, I'm ready to start dating. Trying to encourage me, she told me That I give off a natural sense of confidence, and she's sure that's why everyone thinks I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NickACD - 27/02/2016 05:47 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was depressed and hoped to come home to my loving dog. When I got home, however, he sensed I was depressed and this must have made him sad. So, now we're both depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SleepyKittie - 27/02/2016 05:46 - United States - Wildomar

Today, my phone froze so I rebooted it. In the process it deleted all of my texts, phone calls, contacts, photos etc. I'm pissed about loosing all my info. My paranoid boyfriend is pissed bc he thinks I deleted everything on purpose to cover up some sort of lie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Angel9649 - 27/02/2016 05:46 - United States - Apopka

Today, I was just about to clock out from a 10 hour graveyard shift at Ihop then my boss tells me to clean throw up in a bathroom i said no problem...little did I know it was over every wall and sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By chighy - 27/02/2016 05:45 - United States - Irvine

Today, I went to Disneyland. Trying to put my phone in the selfie stick holder, my phone popped out fell and shattered. Two days after I fixed It. Goodbye $120. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ImGettingAnotherBrother - 27/02/2016 05:00 - United States - Longboat Key

Today, I stayed at a hotel with my parents, and we shared the same room. They both got completely wasted (they're "recovering" alcoholics, by the way) and drunkenly fucked while I was within earshot. Otherwise, it was great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By nowartsthough - 27/02/2016 04:59 - Canada

Today, I wore what I thought was a really cute all-black outfit. On my way to work, a little girl pointed at me and said loudly, "look, Mum! A witch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ISureCanPickEm' - 27/02/2016 04:28 - United States - Andrews

Today, my now ex-boyfriend stole my essay that I poured blood, sweat, and tears into from my laptop, and submitted it before me. Now I'm facing getting expelled from my college for plagiarism. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ali - 27/02/2016 04:26 - Australia - Caboolture

Today, i bled unknowingly through the back of my white jeans and didn't realise until i got home. I was wondering why people were staring at my butt... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By breakerone92 - 27/02/2016 04:22 - United States - Union Lake

Today, I had one of my college midterms, very grueling but I felt confident on my answers, until I got to the last question and realized I was an answer short on my scantron and don't know which one I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HughTheManatee - 27/02/2016 04:06 - United States - Picayune

Today, the $200 electric guitar i ordered finally made it after being two weeks late. They mixed my order with someone else and sent me a $70 bass guitar and won't send me the right guitar or give me a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SoLonely - 27/02/2016 03:57 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, after having the absolute worst week ever, I was so looking forward to my family visiting on Saturday. I live two hours away, have lived here for 11 months and they have never visited. They cancelled on me the day before cause they can't get my shithead brother to look after their dog.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anthem - 27/02/2016 03:56 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started humming the American national anthem just as I was about to climax. He didn't stop, and the song climaxed just as I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pixie_cb - 27/02/2016 03:54 - United States - Maumelle

Today, after spending two hours putting together lesson plans for my 5 different classes, my substitute canceled at 8:00 - 30 minutes before school started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tristangaige - 27/02/2016 03:47

Today, was test day at the school I attend. After taking the test I was waiting for everyone else to finish. Two of my classmates got up and walked out and my professor told me to go fetch them. When we had returned he told all three of us that we we're getting zeros for leaving class.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ImMoving - 27/02/2016 03:45

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my little sister holding a flashlight under her face. I couldn't go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SeeMeCry - 27/02/2016 03:42 - United States - Kirkland

Today, after I told my boyfriend he looked beautiful while sleeping, he said "you look like a retard when you're asleep". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 03:34 - United States - Bothell

Today, while being laid off work my wife got a text stating they were terminating my position due to a no call no show while I was laid off. when I called HR they stated I miss to much work for the Army National Guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whatever66 - 27/02/2016 03:25 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I worked up the courage to go out dancing for the first time in ages. I was having a great time until some bitch accused me of giving her dirty looks and commented on "my fat ass" in front of a bunch of people. I have no idea who she was and I'm not even fat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 03:12 - United States - Chilhowie

Today, my boyfriend's mother, a rude, 400 pound woman addicted to pain meds, called me a "fat muppet bitch". This woman hasn't even met me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whatarethisss - 27/02/2016 02:57 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my sister asked me to pick up my nephew from school because he got suspended for throwing a tantrum in class. IT wouldn't be as embarrassing if he wasn't a perfectly healthy sixteen year old teenager, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ERaj1123 - 27/02/2016 02:53 - United States - Mamaroneck

Today, I was in physics class and a girl was asking a question. It sounded like she was having a brain fart because she was repeating a phrase over and over again, and I had then said that phrase as just a joke. After class, my teacher pulled me aside and told me she actually has a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ObviousNovice - 27/02/2016 02:51 - United States - Berkeley

Today, I got into a bike accident. The good news is that no one was hurt. That's because we were both biking so slowly, and played such a long game of "let's move in the same direction to get out of the way", that I lost my balance and tipped over into her, which knocked her off her bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By xxx - 27/02/2016 02:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went into a public toilet to wash my hands. An elderly woman from afar spoke loudly, " The male toilet is on the other side ". When I realized that it was actually directed at me, other women were staring me. I'm a female with a male haircut. I'm so embarrassed and I got death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By secretlygay - 27/02/2016 02:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was to meet one of my new friends husband, turns out we've both sucked eachother off and she has no idea.. awkward much... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By J215B - 27/02/2016 02:16 - United States - Kingston

Today, while reading a Dr. Seuss book to a room full of first graders while on camera, I stumbled over a rhyme and told them to "Kick A Cat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my hubby thought he made me queef during sex. I was too embarrassed ro tell him it was a fart I was holding in, but couldn’t once I orgsmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 182

Today, I had an epic, two-hour conversation with a brilliant, beautiful future leader of our industry. She's an intern. I'm just some loser horndog of a senior manager in another department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 566

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 109

You deserved it 2 517

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 439

You deserved it 5 149

Today, I discovered that my body wash bottle's top came open last night without me realizing it. Space is limited in my bedroom so the only place I could put it (I live with my parents and they can be absentminded) was behind the TV. The good news is it didn't get on the TV; the bad news is it's all over the stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 366

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 624

You deserved it 4 365