Nearly FMLs

By OneOnJuanAction - 27/02/2016 23:55 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, I've been working extra hard all throughout the week to get a better paycheck, and my boss fires me the morning before payday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By flushed - 27/02/2016 23:53 - United States - Macomb

Today, after taking a dump, I was shocked to see how astonishing long my turd was. Proud of myself, I downloaded a ruler app on my phone and got it close to my poop. As I was leaning in, I got the urge to sneeze, landing my phone right into the toilet, along with my pride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By laurenevans - 27/02/2016 23:50 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend told me that I should pee myself because it would be "hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By glittergal123 - 27/02/2016 23:28 - United States - Arlington

Today, while visiting my family I went upstairs to find my little sister crying. After making her feel better and telling her I love her she said "that'll be $15 dollars since I'm such a good actress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Swandive235 - 27/02/2016 23:26 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I found out that my little brother started using the cat's litter box instead of the bathroom. And I have to clean it. How do I know? I'm pretty sure 1 cat can't make 20 pounds of excrement in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By warlikeeyes - 27/02/2016 23:25 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I met with an Advisory Board to talk about me withdrawing from my sorority. I told them why I want to quit, and they decided I didn't have any valid reasons and I should "try harder". They still want me to pay $350 by the end of the semester and attend all events. I fucking hate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By i-am-procrastinating - 27/02/2016 23:18 - United States - Norristown

Today, I went to the doctor because of chest pain and a long-lasting cough. It turns out I have a form of asthma and have to take an inhaler 3 times a day until the cough goes away, and will probably have to use it at least once a day for the spring allergy season. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CantEven - 27/02/2016 23:16 - Italy - Florence

Today the guy that ive been sleeping for months, surprised me with a ring, roses and chocolates... A cockring, Rose and Chocolate Flavour condoms. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mrguy000 - 27/02/2016 22:59 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I got in trouble at work for poor performance. I had my coworker check my work before hand and he said my work was fine. My boss said not to use him as an excuse than gave me a lecture how I should have my coworkers check my work when I'm done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CaptainCrow - 27/02/2016 22:57 - United States - Lowell

Today, my brother has a few mental/health conditions. And even though I too have anxiety and anger issues, every time I ask my parents for help, all I get in response is "Man up, at least you don't have real problems" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sore - 27/02/2016 22:51 - United States - Jamestown

Today, my wife said she wanted to try some cbt in the bedroom. I am always up for anything so I was all for it. I should have looked up cbt before agreeing to try it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 5

By vijay_prime - 27/02/2016 22:34 - India - Pune

Today, I tried to bring peace between two of my friends while they were fighting .. In the end ..both of them blamed me for the fight they caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mr.Longschlong - 27/02/2016 22:32 - United States - Florham Park

Today, a girl I know accused me of stalking her because I walked past her house. I was walking to Walgreens with my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Oops - 27/02/2016 22:30 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was walking my dog when he flipped out and ran after a squirrel, causing me to trip and roll down a gravel hill, head-over-heels. When I finally managed to get back up, I walked into a tree and hit my head with enough force to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Jai - 27/02/2016 22:29 - United States - Meriden

Today, I found out I have a broken thumb after two weeks of dealing with the pain of constantly jamming it and dislocating it twice, by playing volleyball. But I never stopped playing so now my thumb looks like a sausage and will never heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whyshecantlivewithme - 27/02/2016 22:27 - United States - New York

Today, I realized that the only times I, an insomniac, actually get a refreshing and restful sleep is when my best friend is snuggled next to me. Not even my husband or meds can do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Javakittymewmew - 27/02/2016 22:12 - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a birthday party for my cousin I was drawing at a table in the corner... a kid runs over and she asks me about art and she sits and draws with me.i get up to get a drink then I come back and the thing I have been working on for a month was gone. the kid took it home to show her family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By so inadequate - 27/02/2016 21:42 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, as revenge for a prank I decided to pants a guy from my class in the middle of the school dining room, only I didn't know he was hung like a horse on steroids, and he wasn't even erect. At least 5 girls have messaged him in the past 6 hours and he wont stopped gloating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By BigBadWolf - 27/02/2016 21:27 - United States - La Place

Today, my son came out as a furry and swears that he now identifies as a wolf named Westward Star. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Trama1201 - 27/02/2016 21:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, while taking a test I easily breezed through the questions and began to flip to the other side, only to have my teacher look at my answers, smile and whisper "complete sentences". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By A Shitty Boarder - 27/02/2016 21:26 - Canada - Wetaskiwin

Today, I tried snowboarding. I was just sliding around on the bunny hill before lessons and I fell and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By sadmama - 27/02/2016 21:25 - United States - Crestline

Today, my sister went and bought a beautiful and expensive bouquet of orchids for a friend's daughter who had passed away. Somehow my 10mos old reached the plants and tore every flower off one by one. The funeral is today and I have no money to replace the flowers. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LifeSux - 27/02/2016 21:21 - United States

Today, after a long day of work and getting yelled at by my boss, I was looking forward to coming home to my loving boyfriend. I open the door to my apartment and go to my bedroom. Upon doing so I discover my boyfriend trying to suck his own dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Meh - 27/02/2016 21:18 - United States - Kaysville

Today, during the third day at my new job I tripped over some mats, dropped a tray of glass, and sliced the shit out of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ash - 27/02/2016 21:17 - Canada

Today, I was dumped by my friend-with-benefits for wanting to have sex all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By alaen - 27/02/2016 21:08 - United States - Irmo

Today, I've gotten one of many painful headaches from listening to music while studying. The easy route seems like stop listening to music, right? The only problem is I can't study without music, and I have a big test coming up. Failing grade or tear-inducing headaches? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AyeItsMe - 27/02/2016 20:44 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I met my dad for the first time since I was 3. He swatted me because my friend prank called and said I had three people hostage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By poorstudentgotpoorer - 27/02/2016 20:40 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I visited Stockholm and my family for the first time in several months. On the train ride over I got fined the equivalent of 140 dollars because I had the wrong type of ticket. I didn't even know I had the wrong type of ticket. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Clive - 27/02/2016 20:34 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my girlfriend shot me in the penis with a paintball gun, whilst I was naked, from less than 2 feet away. Apparently she had seen me with a pretty blond and was convinced I was cheating. I had to show her my Facebook before she would believe the blond was my daughter she hadn't met yet FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 20:17 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend decided it was a good idea to prank me by putting Ex-lax in my coffee. I have a job interview in 5 minutes and I'm probably gonna clog up this toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was out of town on a work trip. I'd fought with my wife before leaving, and I felt bad, so I called her and poured my heart out, telling her how much I loved her. She sighed and said, "Okay, anyway…" and complained about bills and chores for ten minutes, then wouldn't say she loved me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 194

Today, I got a urinary tract infection. I didn’t realize men could get those. Worse yet, my girlfriend thinks it’s an STI because, “IF I’M NOT FUCKING YOU, SOMEONE MUST BE!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 215

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 826

You deserved it 110 520

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 844

You deserved it 7 503

Today, I sent my abusive girlfriend a text, explaining I was breaking up with her via text because I was afraid for my physical safety if I broke up with her in person. She video chatted me less than five seconds later from our doctor's office, where the doctor confirmed she is in fact pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 343

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 059

You deserved it 9 548