Nearly FMLs

By marriedtoaprimadona - 28/02/2016 03:41 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, my wife yelled at me for taking a 40 min nap when it was time to clean. I woke up 2 hours before her, cooked breakfast, coached two kids baseball games and took a short nap when I got home at 4. Wednesday she stayed home with the kids for a snow day, slept until 930 AND took a 4 hour nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MDoremis - 28/02/2016 03:32 - United States - Pomona

Today, at the height of pleasuring myself my cat laid down on my chest and started purring loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By iwantmydaughter - 28/02/2016 03:02 - United States - Grant

Today, I got blasted with a group text gleefully announcing that my cousin is pregnant. Meanwhile my unborn baby has been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that is 100% fatal within a few hours of birth. My iPhone 4 is so old I can't escape the congratulatory onslaught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 28/02/2016 02:46 - United Kingdom - Dorney

Today, I went out to celebrate my 20th birthday. I wasted £100 to listen to my friends complain about how much of a shit time they were having. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By myaahni - 28/02/2016 02:39

Today, I heard a bed shaking in one of the rooms while I was studying late at night. I then realized that it was my parents having sex. I heard everything that was going on in that room. I'm permanently horrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By rockydify - 28/02/2016 02:36 - Australia

Today, I managed to make a sort of stew scraping together what little food I had left in my pantry and fridge, because pay day is still two days away. Then I dropped the whole thing on my kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tina - 28/02/2016 02:35 - United States - San Antonio

Today my boyfriend and I broke up. Turns out he was also dating his cousin.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bxilee - 28/02/2016 02:34 - United States - Corona

Today, I realized how much I've caught feelings for my best friend. Thinking he felt the same way I told him, but he doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By memesanonymous134 - 28/02/2016 02:31 - United States - Woodbury

Today, I had a wet dream in science class. This wouldn't have been noticeable if I didn't hump the chair and make groaning noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By horriblefriend - 28/02/2016 02:26 - United States - Madisonville

Today, i was told by my ex's new girlfriend that i was like a sister to her. This was right after i had sex with her boyfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ughmemes - 28/02/2016 02:25 - United States - Princeton

At school today I fell asleep in my boring science class. This wouldn't of have been so bad if I didn't have a wet dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Evilash18 - 28/02/2016 02:15 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I was hanging out with a friend for his birthday. Everything was going great until I randomly got sick and puked on him in bed. Happy Birthday Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hshaneberger - 28/02/2016 02:10 - United States

Today, my father caused me yet again to have an anxiety attack after calling me a bitch then apologized, kind of, and said it was my fault he said it, not his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 01:40 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. Told me I'm no fun anymore, and that everything I like is stupid, ate a subway then vomited on the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By well this sucks - 28/02/2016 01:32 - United States - Bradenton

Today, my parents decided to move into the bedroom next to mine. This wouldn't be so bad if the walls weren't paper thin, all I can hear at night is them having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ShawnAlexanderB_ - 28/02/2016 01:31 - United States - West Palm Beach

After about a year of saving up, I finally got a 2016 Dodge Charger SRT 392 Sedan; Consequently, it only took ten minutes off the lot for some 16 year old to t-bone me while they were texting. Image what a SRT looks like after getting hit with a Hummer. It's horrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 01:25 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found out my boyfriends best friend is a stripper. Shes been stripping for him for 8 years, we've been together for 7, but apparently "its ok since he's known her longer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 01:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the guy I've had a crush on for a while decided it was time to get a girlfriend, we've been talking/flirting with each other for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lifes_a_bitchh - 28/02/2016 01:20 - United States

Today, some girl missed the toilet and shat on the floor, somehow got on the wall, and apparently the sink.... I had to clean it up and puked 2x in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ryan Border Collie Lover - 28/02/2016 01:18 - Australia - Perth

Today, I took my young Border Collie pup for a walk, he found a mud pile and rolled around in it and was covered from head to toe. while walking back a lady had left her band new Maserati car door open with white leather inside.. my young pup jumped in sat down and stained the seats.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ab - 28/02/2016 01:14 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, i went to my friends house with her, when we got there her mom, which ive only met once was sitting topless in the living room, it was awkward so my friend told her to put something on, she said: "i don't have anything you don't have hun" and proceeded to give me a long tight hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By amandathecreator - 28/02/2016 00:54 - United States - Palatine

Today, I took a test to get registered in my state for my degree. This was my second time taking this test. The first time I scored 2 points away from passing, today I scored 1 point away from passing. Can't wait for 45 days from today until I can take it again! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 00:50 - United States - Miami

Today, my husband and I moved into our house we just bought. Instead of enjoying our new home, we are getting a divorce instead. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sharkfacehuskies - 28/02/2016 00:47 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my mother yelled at me for forty-five minutes because I asked for 45 dollars for a class. "Where is all of this money coming from, huh? Tell me. Because I don't know." Where did the money for your 2,000 dollar hair extensions come from? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Contactsports - 28/02/2016 00:38 - United States - Dallas

Today I realized that due to high school wrestling, I have lost a year's worth of contacts in four weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Saddy Dumpington - 28/02/2016 00:28 - Australia - Hobart

Today, my months of social isolation due to mental illness have finally caught up with me. I've spent all morning locked in my room, hugging my own leg, pretending it was an imaginary boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 00:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was changing my daughters diaper. I reached into the bag for a wipe, right before she farted, causing her poop to fire onto my face. "YOU'VE BEEN ASSBLASTED" My husband was screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 00:19 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today my wife decided she doesn't want to take her medication anymore. Two blows to the head and a tonne of emotional abuse later, I wish I was dead. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pacman490 - 28/02/2016 00:01 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I woke up from an ambien-induced rest and the last thing I remember is viciously devouring an apple. Now the core is nowhere to be found. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By me - 28/02/2016 00:00 - United States - Woodside

Today, I found out that my soon to be ex husband is still with the girl he cheated on me with. Even though he's been begging me to go back to him. And he wonders why I never believe him. And says it's my fault we aren't together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 156

You deserved it 4 424

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 148

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 474

You deserved it 10 860

Today, a bit buzzed, I finally gave in to my boyfriend's request and gave him a rimjob. I was licking away when I suddenly realized what I was doing, leapt off the bed, and ran to the toilet to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 660

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 010

You deserved it 28 324

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 499

You deserved it 3 428