Nearly FMLs

By mags89 - 28/02/2016 20:19 - United States - Loves Park

Today, while sleeping, I dreamt my house was robbed overnight. I woke up to discover my house really was robbed overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By emlizcat - 28/02/2016 20:05 - United States - Atlanta

Today, trying to spice things up with my boyfriend, we had sex in one of my dorm's showers. I guess we were taking too long because someone came up behind the shower curtain and dumped freezing cold ice water on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By spankthatcow - 28/02/2016 19:55 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I found out that my mom was married to this guy Jeff before me dad, she told me because I had just introduced her to my boyfriend, Jeff's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CoolNoodle - 28/02/2016 19:52 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I showed my mom a cool video of a dog cleaning a house. She immediately started yelling at me about how I never clean the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Matskulliton - 28/02/2016 19:47 - United States - Waltham

Today, my mom admitted she wished we aborted me. She wasn't drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 28/02/2016 19:40 - United States - Birmingham

Today, while hanging out with my girlfriend i made a really bad pun. She replied with "now i don't even feel bad for cheating on you." I didn't know she cheated in the first place

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WolfsScar - 28/02/2016 19:36 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while playfully teasing my crush and telling her she needs to stop getting hurt, I managed to dislocate and sprain my thumb. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NotStoned - 28/02/2016 19:31 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was fired from my job for being stoned. Today was also the only day I've ever went to work without being stoned. They thought I was acting weird sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NotWhatImeant - 28/02/2016 19:20 - United States - Dallas

Today, everyone at work was complaining about the cheap pens they give us, so I bought us newer, nicer ones. I sent an email to my entire office, asking how they liked my pens. It was only after many weird looks and a call from HR that I realized it corrected "my pens" to "my penis". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By cheaters gonna cheat - 28/02/2016 19:19 - United States - Norcross

Today, I found out my girlfriend is pregnant. I would be ecstatic, if we weren't both woman. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By silencedfire - 28/02/2016 19:05 - United States - Amissville

Today, I was partying with some friends. I was designated sober and was taking care of two girls that had gotten quite belligerent when the cops were called. I tried talking to the cops and they accused me of being the fucked up one and took me to jail for the night, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jschneid98 - 28/02/2016 19:04 - United States - Waukesha

Today, I realized that the one thing that goes down on me is my wifi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 18:49 - United States - Elbridge

I had a miscarriage at Applebees while out to dinner with my Grandma, I broke the news to my boyfriend, he was more concerned that I went to Applebees without him.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IamHM - 28/02/2016 18:49 - United States - Albuquerque

Today my boyfriend proposed to me. Less than 2 hours later, I caught him making out with another girl. I threw the ring in his face and he gave it to her. She accepted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By me - 28/02/2016 18:45 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my now ex boyfriend broke up with me because I called my celebrity crush attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HarryBro1 - 28/02/2016 18:31 - United States - Henryville

Today, I found out that the only reason a girl I've liked for years is dating me, is because she gets money from a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 28/02/2016 18:30 - Canada

Today, a group of people beside me in the library were making fun of me because of my frequent flinching at noise and movement. I have PTSD from an abusive relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By rileyfleury - 28/02/2016 18:28 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I thought it would be funny to rob my friend, he thought it would be funny to hit me with a baseball bat, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By TooMuchTV - 28/02/2016 18:28 - United States - Columbia

Today, I had a dream that my wife and I had guests over. It would be a nice dream, except that our guests were the Kardashians. I really need to stop watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Hannah - 28/02/2016 18:25 - Spain

Today, after 3 intense months, I broke up with my girlfriend. An hour later she'd managed to convince herself and our friends that I never loved her - I only dated her to get over my ex. I don't even speak to my ex. Now I have no girlfriend and no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sam - 28/02/2016 17:44 - United States

Today, I was presenting my science fair project to a man carrying a baby. The baby puke all over me and my teachers wouldn't let me go home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Thegoofygoober - 28/02/2016 17:40 - United States - Laurel

Today, I found out that the baby girl stuff in storage at my parent's attic was for my supposed twin sister who died two minutes after I was born.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Nobodyptown - 28/02/2016 17:20 - United States

Today, at school I realized that after I broke up with my ex a month ago she's been following me around. I put this to the test by going to a place where nobody ever hangs out, sure enough she followed me. Then she proceeded to date both of my best friends so she had and excuse to be around me FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 16:51 - United States - East Liberty

Today, I found out why a certain pair of skinny jeans makes my butt look so good. They've got butt pads. I only found out because they came out in the washer, and I thought they were the padding to a C cup bra. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By blank6636 - 28/02/2016 16:39 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, i felt the need to pee at school but my teacher didn't allow me to go. I figured, since i was at the corner of the classroom i could pee in my empty water bottle. The same time the teacher decided to call me out and the same time my male genitalia got stuck in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Senseless_487 - 28/02/2016 16:35 - United States - Pine Grove

Today, I was judged and told I'm going to hell for getting my wife pregnant a few weeks before our wedding. I was told this by the same girl who cheated on her husband with me a few years ago, before she "found God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NoDaddyNo - 28/02/2016 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, someone asked my dad if he would ever have another kid. He immediately scoffed and said "Hell no! I finally learned my lesson after the last one and stopped drinking tequila." I'm his youngest child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuckthis - 28/02/2016 16:24 - Switzerland - Binningen

Today, I was set up on a blind date with someone who was mutual friends with my best friend. Everything was going fine until they asked me what my zodiac sign was. Apparently Leo's are conceited and selfish and he couldn't bare to sit with me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dog chaser - 28/02/2016 16:17 - United States - Radcliff

Today, while letting my grandfather in my house my dog ran outside. Me and my dad had to stop 5 cars just to keep him from getting hit by a car. I'm pretty sure the only reason I caught him was because he squatted down to poop. He wasn't finished when I picked him up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ASadGuy - 28/02/2016 16:02 - Argentina - Del Viso

Today, I hit the "I agree, your life sucks" button on an FML and the counter reached exactly 30000. That's the best thing that has happened to me in the entire week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I told my boss that my grandma died to get a day off work, but then my grandma showed up at the office looking for me because she wanted to go shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 1 985

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 029

You deserved it 3 220

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 682

You deserved it 22 121

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201 009

You deserved it 16 708

Today, I wanted to call my mom to ask for advice but called my boss instead. I panicked and ended up talking about weekend plans like nothing was wrong. She now knows way too much about my personal life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 454

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 809

You deserved it 2 446