Nearly FMLs

By You don't need to know this - 02/03/2016 20:27 - United States - Chino

Today, I was calling customers and was watching porn at the same time. The headphones for the monitor got pulled out and the customer heard sex noises FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By tana95 - 02/03/2016 20:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dropped me off at the nail shop. As I leaned in to kiss him, he spit out the back window& some of got on my face. He has a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Guest - 02/03/2016 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a cough attack while on a breathing treatment, it got so bad that I eventually threw up all over the mask that was covering my face... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By medicalcoder - 02/03/2016 20:13 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was in the middle of a really important test. It had 100 questions and after an hour I was only on the 23rd question. Suddenly the internet stopped working, and I lost my progress. It turns out my brother reset the modem because his video games were lagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By aislingelise - 02/03/2016 20:06 - Australia - Perth

Today, my cat decided that the $400 scratching post I bought him wasn't good enough, but apparently my bare leg was. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By justaweirdgirl - 02/03/2016 20:05 - Mexico

Today, I had nausea, a friend of mine suggested I might be pregnant. I had to explain him, that the last time I was involved in sexual intercourse I was the baby being made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By indoril - 02/03/2016 19:45 - United States - Columbia

Today, I spent five years writing and directing a movie which cost me my whole marriage. And then a student said it was pretentious, dull and a poor example of film making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 19:44 - United States

Today, my friend smacked my phone out of my hand, stepped on it, and slid it around on the ground leaving it with multiple deep scratches. She doesn't understand why I'm so upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Deweyboy - 02/03/2016 19:41 - United States - Joliet

Today, at work, a man was trying to buy cigarettes. His card declined twice. On the second time, he grabbed the bag off of the counter and sprinted out of the store. He made it out with 2 $70 cartons of cigarettes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By um - 02/03/2016 19:30 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to have dinner this weekend at an expensive restaurant, my treat. She yelled at me for asking her questions and told me to leave her alone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By just a normal day - 02/03/2016 19:27 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I was driving home after a normal day at work when a drunk homeless man punched me in the balls yelling that's what you get Chad... My name is Keith FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 19:19 - United States - Rehoboth

Today, I was having a good day so I didn't take my anti anxiety meds. I am now having a panic attack because I don't know what to make for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By smoker - 02/03/2016 19:12 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. I've only ever smoked a couple of packs of cigarettes in my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 19:05 - Germany

Today, the door to my workplace was fixed. It was a bit stuck before. Now I can't open it at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Hoontar - 02/03/2016 19:03 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me and said she wants to make sure we are both what each other wants. It's not even noon and she's already posted pictures of her kissing a different guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 02/03/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I want to surprise my fiance on ourp anniversary with a nice lunch. found him in his truck getting a blow job from his assistant

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By StrangeCatt - 02/03/2016 18:57 - United States - Charlotte

Today at work, an elderly customer complained that my voice was too high pitch for him to hear. Management told me to change it or lose hours.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rosezombie27 - 02/03/2016 18:57 - United States

Today, I was performing my fitness exam for the military. I know females fart, but never heard it before. My partner was a female and on the sit ups, on the second one she ripped one so bad while I was holding her ankles and I couldn't move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By poorhipster - 02/03/2016 18:56 - France - Strasbourg

Today, I was waiting to buy a coffee when some dirty looking guy approached the queue with a cup, so I was about to put change in his cup, thinking he was homeless. Once I realised my mistake, I had to pretend that I needed to get change from my coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Ciaobellarasta - 02/03/2016 18:53 - United States - Somerville

Today, I went to a friend's house, and I happened to mention that I'd stopped seeing the guy I was casually hooking up with. He then proceeds to play song after song about wanting to have sex and about being lonely sleeping alone. That wasn't a 'For Sale' sign! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By myheartwillgo,on - 02/03/2016 18:44 - United States - Kent

Today, was the first day in a long time that me and my boyfriend decided to have sex which would have ended on a high note except the wall of our house are thin and it's hard to suck dick listening to the clarinet solo played out tune of my heart will go on from titanic and trying not to laugh FML..

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonomous - 02/03/2016 18:43 - United States - Columbus

Today, my friend told me that her mom said that we can't be friends because when I meet her mom I was so nice that she said she didn't trust me and I was really suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By emiquick_01 - 02/03/2016 18:41 - United States - Boardman

Today, I walked in on my best friend and my boyfriend having sex. To their S uprise I was super chill out of shock, as I walked down stairs to think, I then hear them going at it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gingergal16 - 02/03/2016 18:40 - United States - Southfield

Today, my psycho ex confused "I don't want to ever see you again" and "leave me alone" with "I want you back". He's getting out of jail in a couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Fumi - 02/03/2016 18:33 - United States - Missoula

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend saying we can't see each other anymore. Apparently, being with me is taking away from time with his spouse that I didn't know existed. And he's "only going to block me until he breaks up with her". Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DoorKnob - 02/03/2016 18:29 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I saw a "homeless man" on the side of the road on my way home. I pulled over and went to give him some money, but upon closer inspection it was my dad. He was completely wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gatorclay97 - 02/03/2016 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my car was keyed for having a Ben Carson bumper sticker. The person who did it left a note, claiming "supporting a black liberal is far worse than keying cars" Ben Carson is a republican. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By coolhihi11 - 02/03/2016 17:58 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was called fat during class ( this is not a common occurrence) when the teacher heard he laughed and continued the lesson FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By trigender-pyrofox - 02/03/2016 17:28 - United States - Missouri City

Today, I was having great sex with my boyfriend. It was really amazing, until, and for reasons I will never understand, as I climaxed, I moaned out, "I'm ready." Yeah, like SpongeBob. No, I don't know why, but now my boyfriend isn't speaking to me, as he's laughing too hard to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuckingcars - 02/03/2016 17:24 - United States

Today, I got run over by a car. It was the only car for a few good blocks, as I live in a rather secluded neighborhood. I had a green, and it had a red. Currently typing this in a hospital, with my only working finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, despite been married for less than two days, my husband has managed to lose his wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 137

Today, the first guy I have dated, and have had a serious relationship with after my divorce, is spending the night with his ex-girlfriend. And I'm supposed to be ok with it, “nothing's going to happen.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 111

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 317

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 695

You deserved it 8 980

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 067

You deserved it 37 192

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 292

You deserved it 5 082