Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 11:40 - Australia - Macgregor

Today, I found out the reason I haven't been able to reach my girlfriend of 1 year for more than a week is because we're broken up. Apparently she decided the adult thing to do would be to flat out ignore me until I got the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ironico - 02/03/2016 11:33 - United States - Hancock

Today, I was going to he bathroom at work. I went to toss the toilet paper after wiping, but saw something move on the paper in my hand. It was a small ant, the kind that has infested the building. My scream brought in the male manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By austin - 02/03/2016 11:32 - United States - Tampa

Today, at school my friend and i were hanging out in tge back of class when my ex walked up to me, grabbed my hand and placed on her tit. She then yelled that i touched her wrong and now im suspended for 10 days and cant exempt exams like every other senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 11:30 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night because his 9 year old daughter had a dream I died, and she insisted he call and check on me. When he confirmed I was perfectly fine, she shouted "but you said if I wanted something enough, God would it would happen!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By itsphoebe_ - 02/03/2016 11:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got an iPhone 6+, not for very long because I dropped it into my toilet. It doesn't work anymore. $980 down the toilet, literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Abidawe - 02/03/2016 11:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today at work, I decided I really needed a bathroom break. I'm sitting in the stall when the guy in the next stall over asks for a bit of paper. I reach under to hand him some and he reaches out and grabs my hand as well. My hand feels sopping wet and when I pull it back it's covered in shit, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kyu_Q - 02/03/2016 10:54 - Germany - Frankfurt

Today, I have the flu after taking the flu shot a few days ago before a deployment. There is 22 hours of travelling, I have diarrhoea and aim dehydrated. And every time I ask for water the waitress gives me some in a tiny airplane cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dvlightful - 02/03/2016 10:46 - United States - Tucson

Today, after I spent the whole day finishing up a project on the computer, my computer suddenly shut off and won't turn back on. It happened a few minutes after I finished so I didn't have time to back it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sleepyinSA - 02/03/2016 10:31 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I blacked out and fainted, as a negative reaction to a new sleeping medication. This is the third new medication in two months I've had severe reactions too. I have such sever insomnia that I can't sleep without aid, but I have such sever reaction to the pills that I can't take them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ambed - 02/03/2016 10:23 - United States - Channahon

Today, I was sexting a guy I'm really into. I decided to be gutsy and send him a picture. I got worried when I didn't get a response.. until I finally got one from my boss. Who has the same name as my sexting partner and apparently received the picture instead.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By TheLostCauseFML - 02/03/2016 10:12 - United States - Garrison

Today, I was feeling a little hot so to cool off I stood in front of my fan which is located next to my bathroom. The door was slightly open. I lifted my shirt and then started massaging my breasts. When I opened the door, my Mom was sitting on the toilet in the dark. I almost died of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheLostCauseFML - 02/03/2016 10:05 - United States - Garrison

Today, I'm battling severe depression and my Mom just confessed to me that she actually contemplated on killing me and my two older sisters when we were younger, stating "I'd rather you die than to suffer..."- Why? To save us from depression and the cruelty of the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Overlord247 - 02/03/2016 10:04 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my puppy died. My best friends came over to comfort me, and ended up getting in a huge fight over nothing. Now they aren't talking to each other, and I'm caught in the middle, and I can't even find comfort in my puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RecklessAndYoung - 02/03/2016 09:25 - Pakistan - Faisalabad

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, I rang the bell no one opened so opened myself with the keys, No one was there, Soon his mom and dad came in and started screaming like I was a burglar. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By herewegoagain - 02/03/2016 09:16 - United States - Kenai

Today I discover that my spouse fathered a child outside our relationship, she wants him to raise the child, its special needs (born drug addicted), but she still wants child support too... and im expected to raise the baby alongside ours while hes out working and she's out doing dope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jessamaryann - 02/03/2016 09:02 - Canada - Wetaskiwin

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to put our cat in the shower with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhyHormones - 02/03/2016 08:37 - United States - El Segundo

Today, I've discovered the worst place to get a pimple. I've discovered it because I got one there. In between your inner thigh and the ballsack isn't a good place for anything, actually. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thevirginforeve - 02/03/2016 08:28 - South Africa - Stellenbosch

Today, I am still a virgin. Last night I decided was the night. I set up the room with candles, vanilla spray and stripped down to my red, lacy undies. Clearly, I was just too sexy to handle because my boyfriend couldn't get hard. For a solid (not) 4 hours. In the end, I was dry and lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AwkClutz - 02/03/2016 08:27 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was about to make a sandwich when I realized the packing had a rip, and parts of the bread were eaten. It was left in the garage and mice had gotten to it. This would have been fine if my mom hadn't given me a slice of bread from that same loaf the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FemskyD - 02/03/2016 08:23 - Netherlands

Today, my Brother decided to propose to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony, if this on itself wasn't bad enough, my bridesmate was his ex the one he cheated on with his future wife. bye romance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By thevacuum - 02/03/2016 08:18 - South Africa - Ottery

Today, I had a casual 2am visit to the emergency rooms. Anyone know of a sneaky contraption I can purchase that finds and removes lost condoms from your vagina? Would make my nights so much easier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 08:13 - United States - Aurora

Today I'm in the ER because I haven't peed in two days. My bladder is full and my medicine gives me cotton mouth but I can't drink anything because of my bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CrazyAboutCars - 02/03/2016 08:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a used car from a dealership. Not thirty minutes after buying the car, the orange engine light came on and had to call roadside assistance because smoke was coming from the engine. FML

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You deserved it 0

By mrunlucky - 02/03/2016 07:36 - Canada - Etobicoke

Tonight we got hit with a huge snowstorm and me being an idiot I go out driving. It snowed so much my car bottomed out at the bottom of my street. I spend an hour and a half digging for half a km and literally 2 minutes after I pull into my driveway the snow plow comes down my street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MissMayLaw001 - 02/03/2016 07:29 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, first day that I've moved to the USA from Scotland. I started a conversation with someone at a Starbucks and we talk about where we're from. I said I was from Scotland and the other person said "but your English is really good!" FML

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You deserved it 0

By wantedtoshower - 02/03/2016 07:05 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home to the lovely surprise of seeing all of my belongings from the bathroom thrown into the trash, including some new bottles. It's not the first time my landlord has thrown away my things. I'm not even sure what she was doing in the tenants bathroom in the first place. FML

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You deserved it 0

By fmjob - 02/03/2016 06:36 - United States - Westlake

Today, I was fired because I "go to the bathroom too often". I worked a 12 hour shift and I'm on my period. I went twice.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 06:04 - United States - Irving

I took my cat to her usual groomer to get a shave and her nails trimmed. Her groomer thought it no big deal to slice her whiskers off almost at her cheeks. Now my cat can barely do anything she normally did and is sulking under my bedsheets. FML

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You deserved it 0

By lana - 02/03/2016 05:59 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, after finding out that our son will be born with minor disabilities, I was given an ultimatum by my husband: "abort that shit" or he's filing for a divorce. Guess who's going to be a single mother. FML

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You deserved it 0

By holly_fly - 02/03/2016 05:56 - United States

Today, I realized every college credit I've taken this year won't transfer. My advisor promised me they all would, at least to the specific school I'm going to. Goodbye 1000s of dollars cash I could have used to get a vehicle. FML

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You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 977

You deserved it 2 335

Today, at a fancy date, my boyfriend said he forgot his wallet. I was instantly furious, threw a drink in his face, and yelled that he was a no-good, tiny-dicked broke loser. Dripping wine, he then said, "…but I can still pay with my phone. You didn't let me finish." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 1 409

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 247

You deserved it 5 566

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 746

You deserved it 6 148

Today, I took my nephew to the roller rink and I broke not one arm but both. Now I can't even wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 587

You deserved it 1 791

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 794

You deserved it 3 993