Nearly FMLs

By a small town Dr. - 14/03/2016 21:34 - United States - Port Barre

Today, as the only Doctor of my small town, I diagnosed my patient with syphilis. Fortunately, it's treatable. Unfortunately, the patient was my cheating whore of a mother. She says if I tell my dad, then she will sue me for breach of patient-Doctor confidentiality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Pooper - 14/03/2016 21:32 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I had my first job interview in months. I was well prepared and looked smart, but my stomach felt off. During the interview, my body decided it would be a good time to have diarrhea. Lets just say the interview didn't finish in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Lord Stark - 14/03/2016 21:31 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, My family was watching The Fault in Our Stars.The guy in the movie said that he's a virgin.My 7 y/o sister asked what is virgin. Since the guy didn't have one leg I told him that virgin means the human with only one leg. In the street she saw a guy with one leg and shouted "LOOK , A VIRGIN !" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By BlubberKing - 14/03/2016 21:07 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was looking at police reports from around my area that had happened recently (within the past few years). One had been charged with unlawful sexual contact with a minor. He was a Boy Scout leader of mine for the past two years, and I never knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By meet a racist asshole today - 14/03/2016 20:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, a man came into the travel agency i work at yelling and demanding a refund from a trip to Spain because "why wasn't he told it was filled with those Spanish speaking Mexicans" then looked at my last name Hernandez and scoffed "You're one of the bastards and trump needs to get rid of you" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 20:16 - Canada

Today, while teaching a class of 7-10 year olds how to paint, I asked them to move out of the way for the gentleman coming in the door. She. Was. Not. A. Gentleman. The look of venom made me want to die. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By L0rdAsgore - 14/03/2016 19:50 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, after almost half a year after removing a huge, life threatening tumor out of my dad's head, the doctors found out that the tumor is still to big for gamma ray therapy. They have to operate him again - There goes another dangerous, complicated surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DarkCvengence - 14/03/2016 19:37 - United States - Hialeah

Today, while my girlfriend was over we started getting frisky and after a couple minutes it seemed like I we we're finally gonna lose our virginity then my dog jumped on the bed and started humping her turning her off and causing us to sit in awkward silence while I had a raging boner FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Damn Them Indeed - 14/03/2016 19:36 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I was awoken from my slumber by my girlfriend elbowing me right in the tit, all whilst screaming "DAMNED PELICANS!" Neither of us have ever even seen a real life Pelican, or live in a country where we could see them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Need a new job - 14/03/2016 19:27 - United States - San Marcos

Today at work a man comes to the counter and creepily says "People say the can see god in my eyes". I look into the mans eyes out of curiosity. I could see dozens of worms swimming through his eyes. Now he comes everyday so I could look at his "god like" eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thefaekitten - 14/03/2016 19:26 - United States - Akron

Today, while trying to calm down my friend before doing a presentation in class, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TinyLittleVixen - 14/03/2016 18:57 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I found out that my sex drive is much higher than my boyfriends. He now complains every time I get horny or want sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By effingflorida - 14/03/2016 18:56 - United States - Orlando

Today, I had an employee tell me it was too hard to select a link on a web site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By twinklestar03 - 14/03/2016 18:56 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend and I were walked in on for the first time. It was by a hotel housekeeper, whom giggled whole time while apologizing. She said that we were listed as checked out by the hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 18:55 - United Kingdom - Tunbridge Wells

Today, in my job as an undertaker, a deceased's pus-y, diabetic ulcer burst on my hand. Gloves and sleeves don't cover smell. I had to clean up the vomit as well. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ReiracsNeve - 14/03/2016 18:51 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after having a bloody nose the night before, decided that it would be a great idea to go into class and sit behind the girl I liked. Later, I sneezed uncontrollably and blood went everywhere. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tuck Frump - 14/03/2016 18:17 - United States

Today, Donald Trump won my home state. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MyGFisaturd - 14/03/2016 17:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend said that she wanted me to eat her out. As I started to, the stench and flavor was so bad that I threw up right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By why!? - 14/03/2016 17:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, My grandfather called me an idiot for telling him that Henry Knox wasn't president. I have a PhD in US history.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tulipswouldbenice - 14/03/2016 17:39 - United Kingdom - Waterlooville

Today, I had to sit with my friends and listen to them tell their valentines stories of what their boyfriends did for them. This wouldn't normally be a bad thing except I had to shyly admit that all we did was I took us to see Deadpool and my boyfriend did nothing - he didn't even get me a card FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By over it - 14/03/2016 17:25 - United States - Denver

Today, my alcoholic ex boyfriend stole my car and totaled it. I was out of town and am being charged for reckless driving and leaving an accident......fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thepizzamanimheretofixyourwashingmachine - 14/03/2016 17:14 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for choosing Right Twix over Left Twix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By deb704 - 14/03/2016 17:04 - United States - Hialeah

Today,I got into my first car accident, it wasn't my fault but the police officer told me he was giving me the ticket because I'm a young female and we can't drive and shouldn't be driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 14/03/2016 17:02 - Canada - St. John's

Today I found out that the transmission is faulty in my brand new car, that I bought two weeks ago. I purchased it because I was tired of wasting time repairing my 2004 vw Jetta. Now my new car has been in the garage a full week getting a new transmission... Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By walk is going to be boring with no earphones. - 14/03/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, at work I managed to lose £50, my phone charger, my earphones and someone ate the only food I brought into work. Now finally on my way home to see that my bus ticket is no longer in my jacket and I have to walk 9.7 miles home at half 11 at night. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sugarshugar - 14/03/2016 16:54 - United States

Today, I was at a high school basketball game. Our team's leading scorer was at the freethrow line for what would have been the game-winning points. I remarked to my friend "these are going in." He missed them both. Now my friend claims I jinxed the team and won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By frassie95 - 14/03/2016 16:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom decided to go see a movie and even though I wanted to see Deadpool, I thought it was gonna be awkward because some of the parts in the movie. So instead I thought we should watch The Brothers Grimsby for it seemed it was going to be less awkward. Boy was I wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 14/03/2016 16:14 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I woke up to a women, in scrubby black clothes, standing over me while I slept. The creature then chased me out of my own house. Couple minutes later, my mom springs from the house laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ChiefKoala - 14/03/2016 16:06 - United States - Rockwood

Today, I was able to see color for the time thanks to these glasses that allow you to see. Not even two minutes later, someone ripped them off my head in an attempt to steal them, breaking them in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chris - 14/03/2016 16:04 - United States - Dallas

Today, on my iPad, I fired up a "Recommended" to me movie on Netflix. It's called "Love." I hit play and then fumbled around with my water bottle and towel before realizing that a highly graphic, very real, very naked sex scene was rolling. I was at the gym, on a treadmill, surrounded by people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I drove all the way to another state and dealt with Chicago traffic on the way just to learn to drive stick. I couldn't learn, because the truck was suddenly unavailable, and when it was available again, whoever had it last lost the keys. Guess I gotta make another trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 115

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 956

You deserved it 3 109

Today, I got my pendulum board and I was asking it questions when my mum asked me to ask it if her and 'Jose' will be together. The same person/catfish who scammed 7 thousand dollars from her. She didn't believe me when the board said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 139

Today, while walking to my bus stop, I saw a girl slip on black ice, then catch herself, and I laughed because people catching themselves slip are hilarious. I reach the same patch of black ice and go flying, falling on my hip and spilling my coffee all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 3 684

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 998

You deserved it 2 395

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the N-word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 661

You deserved it 9 218