Nearly FMLs

By devi_916 - 15/03/2016 14:59 - United States - Evansville

Today, my water was shut off. Not because I didn't pay, but because the previous homeowner didn't pay and had the water on illegally. The water has been on in my name for over a month. Somehow they didn't catch this when I transferred my service. They said it could take 7 days to fix. I have 7 kids.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Capteen - 15/03/2016 14:04 - Australia - Greenslopes

Today, my dog shat everywhere. Under my bed. In the bathroom. All over the carpet. Everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Uberdeathturtle - 15/03/2016 14:04 - United States - Boone

Today, I walked into my room and all of my things were not where I left them. My posters were upside down, my peanut butter was in the microwave. My roommate took acid while I was gone and refuses to tell me what 'surprises' are in store for me, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 14:02 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my ex girlfriend got mad at me for not texting her cause I'm "not putting effort in our friendship". I broke up with her because she didn't put any effort into the relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 13:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I came downstairs to find that my hamster, Dory, escaped from her cage. I had my own day-long version of "Finding Dory." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 13:23 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I found out my abusive ex is meeting old friends for coffee. These people are aware she is in legal trouble for assaulting me but praise her for her honesty. Do I have a friend to get coffee with or even just to talk to? No. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Azusi - 15/03/2016 13:22 - United States - Creedmoor

Today, I was scheduled to perform a pig dissection lab in the morning. The lab started at 8:05 and ended at 8:55. Because I live 45 minutes away from the school, I decided to leave earlier than usual. Too bad traffic was backed up 10 miles. I didn't get there until 8:52. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Amanda - 15/03/2016 12:58 - United States - Wilmington

Today, after three days of having the flu, I puked so hard I dislocated my jaw. I spent 4 hours in the ER waiting before they got to me, all while in immense pain and couldn't swallow or close my mouth the whole time

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By killmenow - 15/03/2016 12:17 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I awoke to find I had drunk-texted several compromising photos of myself to the man who sits across from me at work. It is going to be an interesting day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 11:05 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my lab partner set me on fire in the biology lab by trying to light up two spirit burners at once. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Jeffear - 15/03/2016 10:33 - United States - Pflugerville

Today, I'm typing this whilst locked in a bathroom with no toilet paper, a toilet filled with poop that won't flush, and a broken fan. I'm not sure what's going to kill me first, the inevitable heatstroke or the god awful smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By joygone - 15/03/2016 10:24 - Germany - Neum?nster

Today, one day after I found out I'm finally pregnant after trying for almost a year, my brother told me that he knocked up his ex and she is having an abortion tomorrow. Now I can't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By secretmisery05 - 15/03/2016 10:16 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend refuses to go get tested, insisting I'm the only one who has herpes. He's the only one I've ever had any sort of sexual contact with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By obake_neechan - 15/03/2016 09:44 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I punched in my passcode on my pay-per-minute phone to purchase more time. The minutes did not show up, and I forgot I had ordered any. So I ordered again. Those didn't show up. Being stupid, I tried twice more. ...And eventually, $80 worth of minutes came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 15/03/2016 09:10 - United States - Xenia

Today, I started working out on my new weight bench. My arms and chest were sore so I put on some icy hot. Later while talking to my girlfriend, my junk started to feel weird. Turns out, I still had the icy hot on my hands when I scratched my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By KittenPeets - 15/03/2016 09:03 - United States - Olathe

Today, I found out the man I've been dating for three years has been fucking girls from Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tygerarmy - 15/03/2016 08:47 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was early for work. Before going in I took out my house keys, coins and etc, to make going through security easier. While getting out of my car I locked my doors. Then I saw my car keys in my car. Now I'm waiting for roadside assistance. There goes being early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CaptMacLeod - 15/03/2016 08:12

Today I learned that tinsel can be conductive. I also learned that I need a new toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 08:10 - United States - Dearborn

Today, is my 24th birthday. None of my friends or family remembered except for an automated email I got from the emotional support group I joined a year ago.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By leeleelovesu - 15/03/2016 07:59 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, as I was babysitting my 2year old nephew I walked in on his dad being rough sexually to his new girl friend, in the same room as his son. I didn't know he was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 15/03/2016 07:41 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, the roads were slippery from snow so I took a longer way home from work to avoid roads that are normally more slippery. I was going well below the speed limit and being extremely careful but I still lost control of my car and totalled it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By imdonewithhim - 15/03/2016 07:32 - United States - Austin

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could get us some pizza for date night at my parents' house. He showed up at the door with a dick-in-box instead, thinking it'd be funny and that I'd be home alone. My dad opened the door. Wasn't funny then. He didn't even have an actual pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By DarthKobu - 15/03/2016 07:03 - United States

Today, my depression was so bad that I couldn't bring myself to to go to my counseling appointment. Today, my anxiety was also so bad, that I was too anxious to call and cancel. There's a $20.00 no show fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 06:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I was going to buy a ticket for the metro when a crowd of four or five guys started singing to and complimenting me. I was sheepishly enjoying it until a much older man told them to stop because I was "probably 15". I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By HitlersNeice - 15/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Brattleboro

Today, I accidentally fell asleep in the bathtub. My psycho mom decided the best way to wake me would be dropping my cat in the water. Thanks mom, I've always wanted to look like I'm crying blood

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By harmtouch16 - 15/03/2016 05:55 - United States - Englewood

Today, I can't stop thinking about getting it on with an instructor at my husband's martial arts business. All because I had a stupid sex dream about him and woke up mid orgasm. I would never be unfaithful but can't get the dream out of my head every time I see him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By awkward - 15/03/2016 05:53 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I was watching TV with my family when they showed a certain girl who I recognized from work. I said "I work with her!", they then said a second later she is a pornstar. I guess she has two jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By The_pancake - 15/03/2016 05:39 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up to find out that my bearded dragon was sick with a massive lung infection. I called the vet but they told me nearest available appointment was two days away, sadly it didn't matter how quickly I could get her in. Its 11 pm right now, she passed away in my arms an hour ago, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ramen_noodles101 - 15/03/2016 05:30 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, while at work I needed to use the bathroom. As I was about to leave this God awful smell hit me. Turns out a lady shit her panties throwing them in the trash can and leaving a smeared mess all over the bathroom stall.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By singlelady - 15/03/2016 05:17 - United States - Marion

Today, I got a phone call. Upon answering it, a guy said "hey babe" to me. It was a wrong number. It was also the only time a guy has ever called me "babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 270

You deserved it 20 844

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 365

You deserved it 3 806

Today, and over the years, my wife has methodically destroyed our house, insisting she is good at DIY. Our house is either in bits, half-finished or falling apart. I had it confirmed by a realtor, who assessed the house as worth 100 grand less than we paid for it. It’s a building site with a roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 222

Everybody needs some time alone to sing it out... Just hope no one is recording it!

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 72

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 5 497

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 277

You deserved it 4 083