Nearly FML

By thanks Obama - 15/03/2016 05:07 - United States - Walla Walla

Today, as I was walking to work, a few guys started catcalling me and saying thing like "Shake that ass girl!" There's just one problem. I'm a boy. FML.

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By bluestripedsockm - 15/03/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today I dyed my hair. When I towel dried my hair I noticed the back and front half of my head were two different shades of brown. I have class in the morning. FML

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By grooveypotato - 15/03/2016 04:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today,I found out why my sister uses my iPad when my friends found a whole lot of gay porn in my history. They still won't believe it wasn't me. FML

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By BreachGaming - 15/03/2016 04:49 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I realized I have gone this entire school year without a girl having a crush on me. When I asked a friend who is a girl, she questioned me saying, " wait you aren't gay?" All because my voice hasn't matured yet from puberty, yet I've been in it for 2 years. FML

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By crownedcrazy - 15/03/2016 04:48 - United States - Newark

Today, my second pair of pants in 3 days ripped, while I was at work in a crowded store. FML

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By dickclickmedaddy - 15/03/2016 04:47 - United States - Palmdale

today i was eating spaghetti in olive garden. The kid behind me dumped a warm blue bag on my wife's purse. The bag promptly bust open. Inside was dog shit. FML

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By mint eyes - 15/03/2016 04:42 - United States - Ogden

Today, I had an assignment due in less than two hours, so I applied peppermint oil to help myself focus. About thirty minutes later, my eye started itching--and long story short, I now know why we have more than one finger. FML

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By 313USMC1775 - 15/03/2016 04:20 - United States - Hurst

Today, I got to be called abusive, obsessed and unstable when I got mad at my (now ex) girlfriend when she boasted about being groped at a club Saturday night. I've been nothing but loyal, loving and supportive for the entire 5+ months we were together, and somehow I'm the bad guy...FML

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By mliajkfml - 15/03/2016 04:20 - United States

Today, I celebrated my 2-year anniversary of my retirement from the Marine Corps by visiting an elementary school and talking about the bravery of soldiers. I was laughed at the whole time because of the scars on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 04:17 - United States

Today, while getting ready for bed my boyfriend, sent me a text message saying that we were through, because he's tired of my "fake problems". I suffer from panic attacks and nightmares so vivid I wake up flailing and screaming, due to years of physical abuse from my parents. He knows this. FML

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By Tycollie - 15/03/2016 04:13 - Australia

Today, I was talking to my crush of three years and just as we were about to kiss I sneezed all over his face. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 04:13 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my wife died giving birth to my daughter. 4 hours later, my daughter died. When I went outside the hospital to meet her parents, an ambulance hit me and broke my hip and femur. My wife was the one with the job. Now I am an unemployed widower with no family and tons of hospital bills. FML

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By DumbfoundedGirlFriend - 15/03/2016 04:08 - United States - Gaylord

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and I wanted to Skype later so his response was "I have better things to do" and he left. FML

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By actuallypaidforparking - 15/03/2016 04:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went to the local courthouse to pay an overdue speeding ticket. My car got a parking violation while I was inside. FML.

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By nota30dollarhoe - 15/03/2016 04:02 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, my boyfriend accused me of selling my body. I occasionally babysit for a nice family and he thinks that I'm cheating on him for some cash. He's the only guy I've ever even been remotely comfortable to do anything with. FML.

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By ScaryTravel - 15/03/2016 03:53 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I booked 3 plane tickets to Europe for a trip with family. The seats are on row 35. Later, when I looked up this plane, it only had 34 rows of seats. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 03:51 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sharted my pants during a voice lesson because I was nervous to belt the high note. I didn't have extra clothes. FML

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By Wrong Timing - 15/03/2016 03:46 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I asked my girlfriend politely if she would get off her phone, she yelled at me, and we had an argument about her phone. This all ended with her telling me that she was on her phone because her mom was telling her she has cancer. FML

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By jake - 15/03/2016 03:42 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I lost my job. I then totaled my car to avoid hitting a deer on the road to my house. My fiancé then ended things because she "can't marry a jobless, car-less loser". This all took place in a seven and a half hour time frame. FML

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By xufio - 15/03/2016 03:40 - United States - Allendale

Today, I received a break up letter in the mail. From my girlfriend who died in a car accident yesterday. FML

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By moms... - 15/03/2016 03:39 - United States - Skokie

Today, I gave my mom my Amazon account info to share with the family. We had a fight, and she got so mad that she changed the name, email, password of the account. I've had this account for over 5 years, and now it's all gone.

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By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 03:29 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I hopped out of the shower and tried to grab my towel off the towel rack. My cat had pulled it down to the floor and was playfully rolling around with it. I grabbed it from her and dried off my face. It wasn't until then that I noticed she had peed all over it. FML.

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By cantbelieveit97 - 15/03/2016 03:26 - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up with the urge to pee. Too bad by the time my eyes opened my bladder decided to emptied its self on my boyfriends brand new bed. I'm 19.

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By james - 15/03/2016 03:06 - United States - Lexington

Today, while cleaning my apartment, I decided to open all my windows. As the mailman was making his usual rounds to my building, my dog decided to jump out the window and viciously attack him. I live on the second floor. FML

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By Sember - 15/03/2016 03:02 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, I was driving at night at 950pm and didn't see a bicycle on my side of the road, the guy was wearing dark clothing, Hit him with my mirror, so I called 911 The officer at first said that it was his fault cause he's a local drunk. Then he hands me a summons to appear in court as reckless FML

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By :/ - 15/03/2016 03:00

Today, after declining going out on a Sunday night with my roommates, I was woken by one of them bursting through my door and vomiting on my carpet. I then had to bath her vomit covered body and carry her to bed. And I have work at 6am FML

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By crazycountry - 15/03/2016 02:54 - United States - Franklin

Today, I was cleaning out my rabbits cage. She decided to thank me by biting my finger while I fed her. FML

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By Jacob - 15/03/2016 02:54 - United States - Beverly

Today, my best friend fucked my girlfriend the day I got fired from my job. FML

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By Nightmare - 15/03/2016 02:36 - United States

Today,I discovered a couple of very friendly raccoons living under my house. They did not share my interest in being neighborly FML

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By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother called me and asked me to come fix her sink. I agreed and said I'd be there in about an hour. Sometime within that hour she had a massive heart attack, and I arrived to find her lying dead on the floor. FML

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Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

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Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

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Today, I had bad diarrhea. I went to the toilet seven times while my cousins came to spend time with me. I spent more time in the toilet than I did with them. Once they'd left, I went to the toilet for what would be the eighth time in a couple of hours. I now can no longer feel my ass. FML

agreeclassic 853

vote type 1 119

Today, I, an extreme social introvert, who can’t stand being around people for more than 10 minutes, has just been diagnosed with an incurable brain disorder that will increasingly require other people to be around me to monitor me and run my life. All of which, to me, feels worse than having the disorder. FML

agreeclassic 605

vote type 1 162

Today, during a storm-related power failure, I jerry-rigged an inverter from my car to supply the essentials. In doing so, I managed to blow up the fridge, smoke and all. The power came back on 5 minutes later. FML

agreeclassic 132

vote type 1 945

Today, my two idiot boys beat the hell out of each other over a girl they both like. The poor girl isn’t even remotely interested in them, she’s had the same boyfriend for 6 years, and is marrying him next year. What idiots I raised, one has a broken finger and the other is missing teeth. FML

agreeclassic 467

vote type 1 154