Nearly FML

By nykkymcallister - 14/03/2016 06:51 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 6 months has 3 cellphones. One for talking to me, one for talking to his wife of 7 years and one for talking to his boyfriend of 2 years, FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By UnlovedBrother - 14/03/2016 06:38 - United States - Katy

Today, while stationed overseas in Germany, I decided to go through some old family photos from before I left, one of them being a cake my sister made me with some German written on it before I could fluently speak it. She told me it said "Good Luck!". It actually said "Go Fuck Yourself". FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By fall - 14/03/2016 06:37 - United States - Eugene

Today, I finally arrived at the hospital for my broken pelvis and fractured vertebrae.. If only I wasn't stuck waiting 30 hours, face down in the rain, for search and rescue to find where I landed after sliding 400 ft down a cliffy mountainside. FML

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vote type 1 1

By ceecee4u - 14/03/2016 06:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. it felt amazing and as I was climaxing, I accidentally farted. right in his face. he lost his boner. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By sarahturtle - 14/03/2016 05:59 - United States - Snohomish

Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he watered our house plant with mellow yellow soda. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Bishop2563 - 14/03/2016 05:54 - United States - Brownsville

Today, after months of a stagnant phase in my long-term relationship, i arranged for pizza/movies at home with my gf. I decided to engage in a final attempt for deep conversation to rekindle our love. I poured my heart out. I felt wonder n had butterflies again. I turned n found her snoring. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Leia_julia - 14/03/2016 05:51 - Australia - Perth

Today, the train I was on broke down. We were told there was a bus waiting to take us to the city. It's 40 degrees Celsius and I've been waiting for this bus for 2 hours. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By CallMeEJ - 14/03/2016 05:47 - United States - Oak Forest

Today, after months of struggling with my weight, I started to feel better thinking I was losing weight, only for my mom and everyone around me to comment on how I need to eat less so I don't expand anymore. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By sadblufly - 14/03/2016 05:46 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out I am pregnant. I was raped two months ago and my boyfriend doesn't know because it was before we started dating. We haven't even had sex yet and I don't know how to tell him. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By saltycynic69 - 14/03/2016 05:33 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was playing ice hockey and a guy from the other team hacked my legs out from under me. I looked to the ref, expecting a call, but none came. Later he skated by the bench and admitted "well I didn't call it, because I thought it was funny." FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 05:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, for my birthday my husband took me to a fancy restaurant we had a great time and asked for the check. As we are leaving the waitress says, "And by the way your sister is lovely, don't forget to tell the wife I say hello" he looked at me and said, "Now you know, leave me then..." FML

agreeclassic 1

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By Not their fault my ass - 14/03/2016 05:28 - United States - Columbus

Today, my car came back from the repair shop with a broken engine. I sent it in for cosmetic damage. FML

agreeclassic 1

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By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 05:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I caught my wife cheating. The bitch said "as far as she knows they did not have sex". FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 05:20 - Australia

Today, i was hanging out with the girl Ive been seeing when i innocently made a joke about marrying her, divorcing her and taking half. Turns out thats what her deadbeat ex did, and she lost $40,000 to him. She left the room in tears and doesn't want to see me again. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By animallover13 - 14/03/2016 05:11 - United States - Clintwood

Today, I woke up sore as hell. Why? Well last night I was in the 4th car wreck I have ever been in this time I had to crawl out of the back glass now every one knows why I tend to freak out in cars. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 05:08 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I thought I had lost a 100 dollar bill I had earned less than an hour ago. Turns out my best friend had taken it from my wallet, and then she tried to trick me into thinking she had found it on the sidewalk. FML.

agreeclassic 1

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By what the hell dad - 14/03/2016 05:07 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I learned that my dad shot one of my cats and buried it in the backyard. He seemed genuinely stunned that I was upset about this and told me to "suck it up" when I started crying. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 04:58 - United States - Eagle Pass

Today, I was taking a nice relaxing bubble bath in my bathroom. Then my shithead sister unlocked the door, burst in, and demanded I watch her alien-themed percussion show. She wouldn't leave if I didn't. FML

agreeclassic 1

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By eanelyeliab - 14/03/2016 04:50 - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, I was in NYC for my last day of vacation. After a perfect nine days in the city, I doubted anything could go wrong... Until my wallet miraculously disappeared from my backpack. I'm now stranded with no money and no ID to get on the plane back home tomorrow. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 04:46 - United States - Carlsbad

Today I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years (which whom I currently live with him and his parents) had hooked up with his sisters best friend. When they found out, they admitted to me that they view her as a daughter. They don't view me the same. Fml.

agreeclassic 1

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By eanelyeliab - 14/03/2016 04:44 - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, I was in NYC for the last day of my vacation. After nine perfect days in the city I doubted anything would go wrong... Boy was I mistaken. Somehow while I was wandering around my wallet was stolen. The wallet with the ID to get on my plane home tomorrow. FML.

agreeclassic 1

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By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 04:37 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I had to use my acne scrub on my breasts. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 04:23 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I went on the best first date I've been on in a long time. At the end of the night I went to kiss her on the cheek only for her to ask what on earth I was doing. Apparently it wasn't a date, despite me calling it that when I asked her out.

agreeclassic 1

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By oksuree - 14/03/2016 04:05 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me because his best friend said that he could do better. His best friend is my brother.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By ZambleJuice - 14/03/2016 04:05 - United States - Batavia

Today, I tried out my new deep fryer. Let's leave it at I no longer have a kitchen or more importantly my fries. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By ThatDamnStench - 14/03/2016 04:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I am feeling very nauseous and have diarrhea. While in the bathroom, my dick of a brother kept asking to use the toilet. When he couldn't, he knelt down against the door and farted in the space between the door and the floor. Cue the nauseous vomiting. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By jussygirl13 - 14/03/2016 04:02 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I got in a really big fight so I was going to cheat on him with my bestfriend, but when I called to ask I heard my boyfriend in the background asking him to come back to bed FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By BromanceOrNomance - 14/03/2016 03:57 - Canada

Today, I realized my "mutual break up" one month ago, was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. How? My ex is sleeping around, living life, having fun. I'm sitting alone, getting drunk to kill my feelings for her. FML.

agreeclassic 1

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By AllyK_shawol - 14/03/2016 03:49 - United States - Midland

Today, I came to dinner to find a large plate with only green vegetables on it, while the rest of my family had a normal dinner. Apparently, my mom thinks that me being a vegetarian means I only eat green leafy vegetables and nothing else. FML

agreeclassic 1

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By NHxWolf - 14/03/2016 03:44 - United States - New Baltimore

Over the past couple months I've been training the "new guy" at my work. Turns out the "new guy" is my replacement. I spent months training my replacement.

agreeclassic 1

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

agreeclassic 23 676

vote type 1 6 749

Today, I’ve been dying my hair an auburn color for years. It looks so natural and get complimented often. Before I can even say thank you, my daughter or partner blurts out, “It's not real” or “It’s fake”. Everyone laughs and it’s a little less awkward, I guess… FML

agreeclassic 820

vote type 1 238

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

agreeclassic 13 844

vote type 1 54 846

Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML

agreeclassic 345

vote type 1 115

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

agreeclassic 47 151

vote type 1 3 076

Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML

agreeclassic 32 532

vote type 1 19 574