Nearly FML

By mememway - 13/03/2016 23:20 - United States - Fairport

Today, I had a normal routine vocal practice on my old band's stage. While practicing my manager had grabbed my leg that was hanging off the end of the stage causing me to slam into the back of the drums. I am no longer allowed near the drums. I am a drummer. I own the drums that I slammed into. FML

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By HylianBadger - 13/03/2016 23:19 - United States

Today my dad, who is the smartest person I know, said that Donald Trump is the only presidential candidate worth voting for. My entire life's view of him has been a lie. Fml

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By :( - 13/03/2016 23:10 - United States - Houston

Today, I gave people invitations made of paper for my birthday party. When I got to my party and no one was there I thought no one had shown up yet. Turns out they all ditched me and I was there alone for 2 hours. Someone even used an excuse of it wasn't a real invitation card so she didn't go. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 23:01 - United States

Today, I woke up, feeling well rested for once. I thought it would be a good day. I was wrong. I burned my hand, got into three arguments with my bf about taking me to the hospital, and have an outrageous medical bill that will take forever to pay off. My bf now won't talk to me because of it. FML

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By hairy :( - 13/03/2016 22:58 - United States - Conway

Today, I shaved my vagina for the first time. I think I did something wrong because I feel like I'm on fire, but I can't tell my mom because she doesn't believe in shaving and would be extremely angry with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 22:47 - United States - Smithfield

Today, my husband convinced me to let my MiL watch our son for a few minutes while we went to the store. When we got back, she was feeding him a banana. He's incredibly allergic to bananas. She knows this. FML

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By Ser - 13/03/2016 22:46 - United States - Johnstown

I'm 17 and I babysit this little 7 year old girl on weekends when her parents are away. Last night we watched the movie Ponyo. Her parents arrived home at the end of the movie, and she goes running to them shouting "Ser and I watched porno!"

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By Fucked - 13/03/2016 22:29 - United States

Today, I came back from a long vacation. When I finally got back I realized that I left my binder filled with all of my papers for my work. I don't have the slightest clue onto where it is. FML

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By Anon - 13/03/2016 22:26 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was jumped. They took my iPhone, wallet and my train ticket. The police found the guys who did it. They then told the cops that it was their stuff, and would prove it by unlocking my phone. They got my combo right. FML

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By ethanc12 - 13/03/2016 22:12 - United States - San Jose

Today, I found out my dad is sterile, and I'm adopted. FML

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By uhmidkusername - 13/03/2016 21:59 - United States - Clearfield

Today, while driving down the road my tire flew off of my car, while getting out to assess the damage I dropped my iPhone and shattered it. FML

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By youdontsay123456 - 13/03/2016 21:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party while it was outside and pretty dark. I felt my feet get bitten but didn't think twice about it. Later went home and saw they were swollen. I automatically recognized it as fire ants, and reached for my epi-pen. It was expired. FML

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By quarterweek - 13/03/2016 21:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, I am so hairy that I had to have my nose waxed. I'm a girl. FML.

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By Missa_Sissa - 13/03/2016 21:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to my phone alarm. Seeing I was right on schedule for work, I took my time. I get to work to realize I'm an hour late. My phone deactivated in the middle of the night and the time never changed. Waiting to see if I lose my job now. FML.

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By oops - 13/03/2016 21:30 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, not wanting to disappoint my girlfriend for our first time, I bought some numbing condoms. I put it on inside out by accident and she kept asking if I was in yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 21:25

Today I wanted to share some free VIP & Backstage Tickets for a Festival with my friends but no one wants to go with me. I have to go alone now. FML

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By LockerDocker - 13/03/2016 21:17 - United States - Des Plaines

My family recently just bought a new house. Today I locked myself into a room in the house. I had to wait over 4 hours before my mom came back home from work and unlocked the door. Later, I found out that the room had a drawer with keys to all the doors including the one I was stuck in. FML

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By theodds - 13/03/2016 21:10

Today, I went hiking with a buddy of mine, his girlfriend and the girl I have a crush on. Everything was going great until I heard I sound of something ripping, turns out it was my shorts. My crush now won't talk to me. FML

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By Googolman - 13/03/2016 21:08 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, my dad completely freaked out at me, saying that I'm ruining my life and that people are secretly judging me. Why? Because I didn't brush my hair before going to the gym. FML

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By Anon - 13/03/2016 21:04 - Canada - Langley

Today, Before my boyfriend was about to finish, he said "Ready or not, here i come!" I wasn't ready and now I think i'm going blind in my right eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 20:45 - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, I had a horrible nightmare about a real situation in my childhood where I was abused. My soon to be boyfriend tried to wake me up, I punched him in the nose. Now we are at the hospital and he is getting treated for a broken nose, FML

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By dscuhiu - 13/03/2016 20:45 - United Kingdom - Poulton Le Fylde

Today, I gave my girlfriend her birthday presents. She asked for a certain pair of expensive socks, which I gave her, along with a surprise bracelet. She hasn't talked to me since because I bought her something she didn't ask for. FML

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By newbestfriendneeded - 13/03/2016 20:32 - United States - Tampa

Today, my best friend announced she was pregnant at a party. Everyone started drinking champagne, unfortunately, my best friend thought it was okay to drink some. I had to hold her hair back while she threw up, saying "oh no, I'm throwing my baby up." FML

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By corky1992 - 13/03/2016 20:28 - United States

Today, I finally got my five month old to go to sleep after trying for hours. The damn dog started barking not even two minutes later and woke him up. FML.

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By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 20:05 - United States - Dallas

Today while I was having the best sex ever with my girlfriend of two years she finally told me that she had an STD. FML

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By breakerone92 - 13/03/2016 19:54 - United States - Lansing

Today, I went and asked a place I applied about my application, they somehow lost my application which I learned less than 10 minutes later someone who works there destroyed my app because his girlfriend doesn't like me. FML

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By hmm - 13/03/2016 19:52 - Italy - Trieste

Today, I realized that some guys have had more sex with my wife then I have. FML.

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By RainCl0ud - 13/03/2016 19:33 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I was in the bathroom about to wash out my menstrual cup. When I pulled it out, the blood exploded everywhere. It ran down my leg to my feet, got on my clothes, splattered all over my bathroom floor, the rug and the shower curtain. My washing machine broke yesterday. FML

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By CreepypastaGirl - 13/03/2016 19:32 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I was reading in a library, and some woman who I have no idea who she is, walked up to me, slapped me, and claimed that I was sleeping with her husband. I'm a married woman, to another woman. FML

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By scaredthehell - 13/03/2016 19:30 - France - Cergy

Today, my mom called be bawling her eyes out, crying "he's dead, he's dead", it took me 5 minutes to calm her down long enough for her to explain that "he" was a character from Downton Abbey. FML

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Top

Today, my mum got engaged to her American pen-pal, who is in prison over there for murder. FML

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Today, after I was gentrified out of my rent-controlled San Francisco apartment on June 1st by speculators, which I could only afford because of the rent control, I haven’t been able to find a new place yet. I've been living in hotels off a small settlement, but money ran out last week so now I’m on the streets. FML

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Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

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Today, my insane mother refused to pick me up from school. Her reason was my “little brother” didn’t feel like going in the car. I got upset and snapped that her dog is not my brother when she tried to ground me. She won’t cook, clean, or take care of her family, all for that damn dog. I can’t wait to move. FML

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Today, my husband served me divorce papers and an order to grant him temporary custody of our kids. Tomorrow is my birthday. FML

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Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

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