Nearly FMLs

By catherinecas - 15/03/2016 02:17 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I had an OBGYN appointment with a doctor referred to me by my primary care doctor. It seemed odd since I have one already but I went to it. My doctor sent me for a sterilization consult. I've never even brought up the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ImMoving - 15/03/2016 02:16 - United States - Columbia

Today, Donald Trump is running for president and my state has been declared a "Trump Support State". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Short Log - 15/03/2016 02:07 - United States - Miami

Today, the girl I like asked if I had ever taken a dump and experienced the misfortune of my dick hitting the cold water at the bottom of the toilet. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it wasn't long enough for that to happen . FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By miss-fortune - 15/03/2016 02:03 - United States

Today, I found out that the day off I was expecting was not there, that I have fractured rather than sprained my dominant hand, and I also got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HarleenQuinzel19 - 15/03/2016 02:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was in a cab on my way back from a play. Right when I get in, the driver goes on about how beautiful I am. After saying thank you, he continued to ask me personal questions. I started getting uncomfortable. He then decided to harass me for my number and wouldn't take no for an answer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KingRex - 15/03/2016 01:51 - United States

Today, someone thought it would be funny to throw a cigarette into a dip in the hat I was wearing on my head. If that wasn't enough, I have lymphoma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By potato1738 - 15/03/2016 01:26 - United States - Charleston

Today, I was warming up by running and broke my foot right before my soccer tryouts. They only last one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Cligg - 15/03/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, my parents threatened to send me to a mental ward because I have minor PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rich443 - 15/03/2016 01:05 - United States

Today, My love life has reach all time low. my wife now requires five day notice before we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mangecur - 15/03/2016 01:00 - United States

Today, I coughed so hard due to my cold, that a blood clot slipped past my tampon and halfway down my leg while at work. In a call center, while on the phone, unable to do shit about it.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 00:53 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, some middle-aged jackass swung his cane at the back of my head while we were taking the subway. It was for mocking the way he walked. In retrospect, I guess it is pretty offensive to still recover from knee surgery, my apologies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 00:39 - United States - Pico Rivera

Today, my dad let my sister go to a concert 2 hours away on a school night but won't let me go to my friends house that's 3 mins away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 00:32 - United States - Boston

Today, my son called from college to tell me a classmate jumped from a third story window onto a concrete patio (he survived, thank God), and he was the one that found him and held him till help arrived. He is traumatized and coming home, and I have absolutely no idea what to say to help him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By notwhatexpected - 15/03/2016 00:24 - United States - Williamson

Today, I was so horny I finally decided to try a dating app. After hours of sifting through countless amounts of 12 year olds trolling people I finally thought I found an amazing woman. Turns out I was messaging a really dedicated troll...he saw my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By No Bed Boi - 15/03/2016 00:16 - United States - Gaylord

Today, even though she's still in a relationship with her boyfriend, my sister is moving back in. Now, this wouldn't be a problem, if she wasn't taking my room, and if I didn't have to sleep on the couch. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ihatespicystuff - 15/03/2016 00:10 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I had an exam for my science class. Before lunch, my friends "pranked" me by putting carolina reaper sauce in my food. The sauce then later caused me to throw up in the middle of lunchtime. I also missed the exam and I have no chance of being able to take it later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By skinny minnie - 14/03/2016 23:57 - United States - Lake Grove

Today, I started mandatory therapy for anorexia nervosa, as it is required for my outpatient treatment. The first thing the therapist said when I walked in was, "Wow, they told be you were skinny but I was not expecting this skinny". Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By eanelyeliab - 14/03/2016 23:48 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was accepted to my dream school with almost a full ride. I excitedly told my boyfriend of two years who congratulated me and then proceeded to ask how the hell we will be able to stay together while living four states away for four years. I had to make a decision. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 23:34

Today, I was pooping when suddenly I heard a loud noise. I hurried into my living room only to see my son throwing down all the silverware, glass cups, and plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By why is that lady looking at us like that - 14/03/2016 23:21 - United States - York

Today, my mom and I went to the store to buy a gift for a bridal shower and we went to the gift wrapping station to have it wrapped. We were watching the lady there wrap another gift for like 10 minutes before we realized she didn't work there and it was a self serve staton. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Not CRL - 14/03/2016 23:05 - United States - Harwich

Today, I was talking to my grandmother about how bad I am with women, intimacy etc. She sat down beside me and put a hand on my leg to comfort me, and I promptly jizzed in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By gabe24 - 14/03/2016 22:58 - United States

Today, my car's engine exploded. Two days ago my grandpa died, and yesterday an old friend of mine committed suicide. My dad told me to grow up from crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By too tight - 14/03/2016 22:50 - United States - Eugene

Today, it took longer to fit myself into my girlfriend than it did for me to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pillowt4lk - 14/03/2016 22:41 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I accidently left a full pack of gum in my jacket pocket. Said jacket went into the laundry machine. Guess who spent the last three hours trying to get gum and its wrappers off my entire wardrobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By stonerhouse - 14/03/2016 22:32 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, i accidentally walked in on my 16 year old son pooping in a tupperware container full of eggs. He claims to have no memory of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By therosalina - 14/03/2016 22:32 - United States - Duluth

Today, I learned that my boyfriend of nearly six years has been cheating on me for four months. He started cheating on me two months after I forgave him for kissing another girl while he was on vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Gubbi - 14/03/2016 22:29 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I was going bowling with friends, a friend who had said no when invited, called me saying she change her mind, so I told her to come. Upon arrival I had to pee, when I returned my name wasn't on the board, my friends had forgotten me, and there was no more room because of the extra person.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By NOPE - 14/03/2016 22:20 - United States - Point Pleasant

Today, I heard my mom call for me from downstairs. I went down after a few minutes only to not be able to find her. I noticed her car was gone and sent her a message, asking where she went. Turns out, she's an hour away coming back from her doctors appointment. I'm writing this from outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By thelatebird - 14/03/2016 22:04 - United Kingdom - Camborne

Today, I got fired from a job I haven't even started yet, despite having been put through all the training and signing a contract...so much for getting out of debt FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By broken heart, empty wallet - 14/03/2016 21:54 - United States - Sulphur

Today, like many other days the last five months, I had sex with a prostitute. I thought she was my girlfriend, but the $5000 she's taken from my bank account makes me think hooker is a better description then girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 112

You deserved it 6 141

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 303

You deserved it 2 544

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 1 296

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 503

You deserved it 2 327

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 2 811

Today, I was out drinking with some friends in a Safeway parking lot, when I saw a familiar-looking vehicle pull up beside us. It was my dad, who angrily got out and demanded that I come home. I'm twenty-four, and now the laughing stock of my social circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 554

You deserved it 24 981