Nearly FMLs

By Damit - 15/03/2016 19:12 - United States - North Salem

Today, I got my first car which I have been waiting for since I was a little kid. I let a valet park when I went to my birthday dinner and he totaled it.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 15/03/2016 19:09 - United States

Today, I got held at knife point for sleeping with someone's girlfriend, I'm in 9th grade, I'm also still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Lotion - 15/03/2016 19:08 - United States - Middletown

Today, I realized that I've masturbated so much with this one brand of lotion that whenever I smell it I get a Raging Erection. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AyyLmaoAlien - 15/03/2016 18:55 - United States - Bronx

Today, I got my results from an earth science test. I got a 58 but not because I'm an idiot, but because the week the teacher taught the whole unit, I had to go to Mexico because my grandpa was ill. Now my parents have to schedule a retake for the test, and I'm not sure if he'll let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 18:55 - United States - Massapequa

Today, I told my parents that my brother (who is four years younger than me) tells me to "kill myself" whenever he's in a mood which is often. They're response? That's just what he does when he's upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PendingProdigy - 15/03/2016 18:46 - United States

Today, I was late for work for the second time in the first week of training due to a miscommunication, I had to reassure my wife several times that I wouldn't be fired... I was wrong and now have to wait here for her to pick me up, just 5 hours of reflecting on my failure as a husband & father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By LeEpicMemerDoge - 15/03/2016 18:33 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I got dropped off for tennis practice 50 minutes early. It was going to be an indoor practice because of the rain, so I had to wait outside for those 50 minutes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Shamrock - 15/03/2016 18:30 - Ireland - Swords

Today, my roommate who is a doctor gave me anaesthesia and his girlfriend who is a hairdresser dyed my hair green for St. Patrick's Day. I have an important job interview in a few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By buleballz - 15/03/2016 18:23 - United States - Evergreen Park

Today, after going down on my girlfriend for the fourth time in a row she didn't return the favor and said "I let you go down on me, why isn't that enough for you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By now I feel bad, bad llama - 15/03/2016 18:22 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I came out of my room around 11:00 to leave for school. My dad was home, so I joked "don't you have work or something?" He was laid off yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Steph - 15/03/2016 18:13 - Germany - Frankfurt Am Main

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for my own twin sister, even though we are exactly alike and like all the same things, except she is more of a slut and willingly does all the disgusting things I've refused to do. Sorry, but no way am I doing anal while dressed as a pig to keep him satisfied FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bigwell - 15/03/2016 18:11 - United States - Mesa

Today, at work, while walking through a lot covered in what I thought was mud,I realized I was actually walking through human shit when my nose was ambushed by the smell... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sad - 15/03/2016 18:10 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had my first free day in a long time and decided I should hangout with friends. I called a friend and asked; he told me he was busy. I realized that I had no other friends that I could ask to hangout with. I went out alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By seanixjayde - 15/03/2016 18:10 - United States - Cottage Grove

Today, Not only did my aunt die last week, but my boyfriend also broke up with me. I asked him why he would do such a thing at a time when I need him most, he replied with "that's life" walked into my room and took everything he had ever gotten me. Including concert tickets to my favorite band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cschl12 - 15/03/2016 17:55 - United States - Junction City

Today, while at a busy dog park with my dad, I heard a fart-like noise only to turn around and see and elderly woman with her pants down naturally fertilizing the ground. When I tried to get my dads attention she waved and kicked dirt over her own poop. She could've at least used a doggie bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 15/03/2016 17:50 - United States - North Vernon

Today, three guys at work decided to smoke pot in the parking lot on break. They were all fired, but now we have to go the break room on our breaks. There are 30 of us and only 20 chairs with no A/C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 17:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, like everyday, I have anxiety about all the responsibilities that I have being a full time student, employee, and student org officer. I would go to a psychiatrist, but everytime I think about making an appointment, I get an anxiety attack because it's another thing I have to schedule in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dancingdisaster - 15/03/2016 17:27 - United States - Naples

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I said I loved him back and then he said "Thanks, that's going on YouTube" I asked him what the title was and he said, how to trick a girl into thinking you actually love her. In one day it got 100000 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 17:15 - United States - Richmond

Today, not only am I functioning on less than three hours of sleep thanks to my newborn daughter, I also have hemmeroids from hell and an active two year old to take care of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ri_Fox9 - 15/03/2016 17:03 - United States - Perry

Today, my boyfriend's older brother can not stop flirting with me. He has made it obvious to both me and my bpyfriend how obsessed he is, and now my boyfriend wants to fight him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stodgy - 15/03/2016 16:44

Today at work I spoke to a lady on the phone and could hear 'moo moo' in the back round. I was taking payment for something. At the end of the call I asked if she lived on a farm as I kept hearing a cow moo. The lady replied 'that's my disabled brother' FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By SpicPepper - 15/03/2016 15:54 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I found out the Navy might not approve my fiance's leave for our wedding. If they don't approve, he'll have to go UA and fly across country or skip our wedding. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By not a cheater - 15/03/2016 15:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he saw me kissing my dad on the cheek and said I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cierra_jo - 15/03/2016 15:41 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my boyfriend thinks I'm cheating on him. Why? Because I was setting an alarm on my phone so I would wake up for work the next day. He said I looked "suspicious." Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 15:39 - United States - Mission

Today, I watched my parents enter a Trump rally from across the street where I was protesting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By ChuckyDoesntPlay - 15/03/2016 15:39 - United States - Delaware

Today, I learned I'm being sued. The man suing me wants financial compensation for medical bills and emotional distress caused by my dog biting him. My dog only bit this man because he's a fully trained guard dog and this man had broken a window and climbed through it into my baby's nursery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By whydoigohere - 15/03/2016 15:23 - United States

Today, I heard a noise in my speech class, and turned to find my classmate playing a transformers cartoon. When the teacher asked him to stop he claimed it was "research" for his speech on "The Bonding of Organic and Mechanical Materials." He continued to watch his cartoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Xynie - 15/03/2016 15:18

Today, while driving back home from a Jobcorps meeting a spider crawled out from god knows where on my roof. While trying to remain calm it started crawling towards me causing me to panic and trying to kill it only to drive off the road. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fryday - 15/03/2016 15:03 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, after spending over 2 hours to deep clean the fryers that haven't been cleaned in 18 months, my coworker poured the wrong oil in thus reversing my cleaning progress. He found the whole thing funny. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By gogo44444 - 15/03/2016 15:01 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I realized that I might need to take a break from social media. I wanted to show a picture of myself to my mom and I tried to look for the comment section to tag her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 285

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 562

You deserved it 252

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 817

You deserved it 40 702

Today, I rang up a very rude customer. He was covered in cat hair and so were his reusable shopping bags. I’m very allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 122

Today, I flew to America for my dad's funeral. I broke my vials of insulin and went to a pharmacy for a refill. No one told me they charge for insulin in America. One vial cost 270 dollars, the funeral is three days away and after booking a hotel, I have 6 dollars to feed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 239

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 628

You deserved it 4 711