Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 03:59 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my doctor asked me if breastfeeding was draining me too much and if I was taking a Vitamin supplement. In other words, I look unhealthy skinny. I cut down on cake and chocolate after I was asked last week if I was pregnant again (when I wasn't). Can't get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By boredGirl69 - 16/03/2016 03:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my bf (whom i believe is now my ex) came to pick up some clothes and his dog. now my dog wont stop whining and staring at the door waiting for them to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Benfiggy - 16/03/2016 03:47 - United States - Vicksburg

Today, I had to teach my brother not to put his bread on a paper plate before putting it in the toaster oven. It started burning, and the house almost caught on fire. He's 15.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Zebediabolical - 16/03/2016 03:45 - United States - Tucson

Today, while on vacation in Arizona to visit my parents, I decided to have a grapefruit breakfast fresh from the tree. I forgot my rental car was parked on the other side of the wall, under the same tree. My four 'free' grapefruit cost me about $125 each and a raise in my insurance rates. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By embarassedsister - 16/03/2016 03:36 - United States - Normal

Today, while at the grocery store, a little person walked by. My little sister pointed at her and loudly yelled "Oh look! An elf!!" She definitely heard...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By pandaexpress1 - 16/03/2016 03:35

Today, my parents got a call from school that said my license had become null and void because I skipped school too much and there was nothing I could do about it until I was 18... I switched to home schooling 3 months ago because I have chronic migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By kevrs25 - 16/03/2016 03:29 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I was on the phone with a guest and said, "I'm sorry sir, but we are fully reserved for this evening." Then the guest replies angrily, "Excuse me but I am a woman, I just have a very bad cold." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 03:26 - United States - Sterling

Today I wanted to quit my job in style. My boss' last name is jackson, and she is unmarried. I went up to her and said "are you nasty" turns out she is a panic at the disco fan as well because she replied with "but I love her anyways. You my friend have just been promoted." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By what - 16/03/2016 03:26 - United States - Little Elm

Today, I took a pregnancy test. It came out positive. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By TyrantOverSeer - 16/03/2016 03:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the girl who I slept with last night took pictures of me while I slept and posted them on social media stating "New BF!!!!! He has the biggest dick ever!!!!!" I now have to go around campus explaining to people that only half of that is true, I don't even remember her name, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By alerra - 16/03/2016 03:20 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I overheard mom talking on the phone about how she's so proud of her daughter. I thought she meant me since I am graduating at the top of my class. Turns out she was referring to the dog and how she doesn't pee in the house anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By hatedbyhim - 16/03/2016 03:17 - United States - Harlem

Today, Donald Trump won the NC primaries. I live in NC. I'm ashamed of my state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Uaghhhh - 16/03/2016 03:11 - United States - Madison

Today, I was informed my dad has incurable cancer and has roughly 2 years to live. I'm 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By crippled - 16/03/2016 02:57 - United States - Baldwin

Today, I was stranded in the upper floor of my school because my leg injury. I missed both my busses and had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Akdcgio - 16/03/2016 02:47 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I woke up to a searing pain in my man parts. I looked down to see my 4 month old teething German Shepard gnawing on it. I had to look twice because there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thenetflox - 16/03/2016 02:44 - Canada - Head Of Chezzetcook

Today, my boyfriend discovered that I have little hairs on my forearms. After refusing to shave the tiny blonde hairs on my arms and explaining to him that all girls have forearm hair he promptly dumped me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Akdcgio - 16/03/2016 02:42 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, a woman in a 7/11 started screaming and threatening to call the cops on me for "stealing her car keys." Two guys grabbed me and ripped the keys from my hand. The woman took my car and left. Afterwards, I showed the men my license and pictures of me with my car. Haven't seen my car since.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Why.Me - 16/03/2016 02:39 - United States - Kathleen

Today, I visited my boyfriend at work, he's a high school teacher. He kissed me and later got in trouble with his boss, till he explained that I wasn't a student ... I'm that small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 02:28 - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, my younger brother found my pocket pussy thinking it was a stress reliever device showing off to my whole family FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Cap'n - 16/03/2016 02:20 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was brushing my teeth. I always stand with one leg up on the toilet, Captain Morgan style. My cat brushed against my leg and surprised me but not nearly as much as when he ripped out my tampon by the dangling string a few seconds later.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By screwtrump22 - 16/03/2016 02:19 - United States

Today, Donlad Trump won Florida, North Carolina, Illinois, and possibly Missouri. America has officially gone to hell. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I have a cunt-in-law - 16/03/2016 01:31 - United States - Dayton

Today, I had a miscarriage. My husband and I are devastated. His mom, however, couldn't be happier. She even opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate. She told me her son couldn't possibly want to start a family with low-life trash like me and that I was just trying to trap him with a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By w0nderwh4t - 16/03/2016 01:13 - United States - Milford

Today, I showed my mother my progress report. I am failing a class by one point. She got so mad and I tried to explain that its a midterm review to show how you're doing. She took away my computer, but I have to do an online project that is due tomorrow. Goodbye, Spanish grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 01:05 - United States

Today, I popped a half green half copper penny into my mouth confusing it for mint chocolate candy. This was in the middle of a meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rat carcass - 16/03/2016 01:04 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had to crawl through a rat carcass infested crawlspace because I was the only person thin enough to get through and get the job done. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Konnichiwashingston - 16/03/2016 00:43 - United States - Mclean

Today, my dog's friendliness reached a new level when he opened the front door to let a burglar in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By _harleyquinn_69 - 16/03/2016 00:42 - United States - Latonia

Today, I walked into my dorm room to find my boyfriend fucking my little sister. Whats worse is he was putting more effort into it for her then ever tried with me. Even worse then that, my sister tried to say he was putting a tampon in her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ThanksOldTimer - 16/03/2016 00:36 - United Kingdom - Woodford Green

Today is my 19th birthday. Everyone forgets because its so early in the year compared to my other siblings and the only person who always correctly remembered was my Grandfather and he even sends me sweets from Asia where he lives to arrive on the exact day. He died in the summer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 00:33 - United States - Camas

Today there was this girl that was following me around, so I assumed she was interested in me. It turns out that I just had some toilet paper sticking out of my pants and she intended to tell me that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By homework marking makes no sense - 16/03/2016 00:30 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I offered to help a friend with her seriously late homework. She got a higher mark than me despite me spending two hours on mine and handing it in early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 547

You deserved it 3 853

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 747

You deserved it 7 460

Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 787

You deserved it 91 842

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 687

You deserved it 1 802

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 796

You deserved it 2 786

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 734

You deserved it 3 217