Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 09:42 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, after I and 2 colleagues saved a life last week (1 did CPR, 1 the AED, I called it in, coordinated & controlled the scene & delegated tasks), there was a big ceremony at work to honor the "two heroes". When someone said I was also instrumental the director said, "Yeah, she was there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By hellobobismyname - 16/03/2016 09:40 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to explain to my coworkers - three women over thirty years old - that no, we do not pee out of our vaginas, and yes, we do have two holes down there. They still won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By cekay59 - 16/03/2016 08:55 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, at my job in a call centre a transsexual customer asked me if "in my true and honest opinion" whether their voice sounded more masculine or feminine. I was so shocked by the question I gave the only reply I could think of - "It's a bit in between". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By cheese_pleas18 - 16/03/2016 08:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, I woke up to a message from my GF breaking up with me and not even an hour later my dad and my little sister get into an argument and he kicks her out and then kicks me out so right now in being forced to sleep in my 1991 Chevy s10 in a parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By LadyNightowl - 16/03/2016 08:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that the reason my teeth and jaw hurt so much and so constantly is because I tweaked a nerve in my neck. How did I do that? The position I sleep in. Now I'm in too much pain to sleep at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By TalleyZorah - 16/03/2016 07:39 - United States

Today, I was fired. I'd been with the company for years, promoted, moved states, and even awarded scholarships so I could go to college. Fired in less than two sentences, because a customer stole products on my shift. I now have to pay for the next 3.5 years of college, instead of attending for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By rarara814 - 16/03/2016 07:38 - United States - Morganfield

Today, I took my son to the doctor due to vomiting & being dehydrated. The doctor said he was fine & I was just being paranoid as a first time parent. He said to give my son some Pedialyte. I'm hugging the toilet & have an upset baby to deal with while I vomit because the doctor didn't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By SingleForevernow - 16/03/2016 07:35 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 7 years had been cheating on me for the past 3 of those years. He married her......on my birthday. I found out when she posted on his Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By madeye95 - 16/03/2016 07:16 - United States - San Ramon

Today, I ended up in the ER from picking at my hangnail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By itsasecret - 16/03/2016 07:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I texted my boyfriend "hi". His response was, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By friendlyfailure - 16/03/2016 06:28 - United States

Today, I was talking to the guy I like and he happened to mention a school I considered going to. I proceeded to talk about how I heard the school was total crap and not worth it. His uncle runs the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By buddy0712 - 16/03/2016 06:26 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I had the most amazing sleep I have had in weeks and slept in until almost noon. To bad I missed my surgery that I have been waiting to get for almost 2 months now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By notgettingausername - 16/03/2016 06:16 - United States

Today, the girl I am in love with turned me down because she is a lesbian. She told this to me, a lesbian. I don't get it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By inlovewithajerk - 16/03/2016 06:10 - Singapore

Today, I learnt that my best friend, also the guy I have been crushing on for over a year, thinks that I am lesbian. Me telling him otherwise doesn't convince him, because apparently, he is 'never wrong'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By dimwittedshit - 16/03/2016 05:57 - United States - Cypress

Today, I heard a vicious rumor going around that I am pregnant with my ex boyfriend's baby. We are 15, and never even done more than a quick kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 05:30 - United States - Ruther Glen

Today I went to pick up my two year old daughter from her daycare. Upon arriving I found her In a makeshift tent kissing "her boyfriend." Too soon, too soon. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 05:29 - United States - Silverdale

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend he turned me over to do me from behind. Right when I turned over he tells me I have a wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt and pulled it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 05:25 - United States - Columbia

Today, post-sex, my boyfriend grabbed a cloth to clean us up with when suddenly I told him it was burning me. When we turned on the lamp, there was a wasp hiding in the rag. It got me six times and my boyfriend twice on his privates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 05:23 - United States - Snellville

Today, my period started. But today is also the fifth day I have had a kidney stone that will not pass, as well as extreme, burning diarrhea. I wish I were dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Dynamite73 - 16/03/2016 05:17 - United States - Bulverde

Today, I inspected my shower since the water had been smelling funny for a few days. I took off the shower head and a partially decomposed mouse fell out into the tub. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I don't know how it got there or that I used the shower while it was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By MrsHumanFrog - 16/03/2016 05:11 - United States - Lexington

Today, on the way home our car died. no idea what's wrong with it or how much it's going to cost since we had it towed to a mechanic. I do, however, know that I now have no way to get to the charity I have an appt with for help with our electric bill tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Stepherna - 16/03/2016 04:53 - United States - Riverside

Today I woke up 20 mins late for my math final. My roomate turned off my alarm because she thought it was on by accident. I walked in with drool, shaking, and messy hair as my professor said he was glad I was awake for everybody to hear. Embarrassed I sat and stared at the floor, totally failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 04:52 - United States

Today, I was taking a return from a customer and was checking the bag to see if it could be reused. Inside was a spider the size of a half dollar. Being terrified of spiders I spewed a string of cusswords toward the customers while freaking out. The manager was laughing too hard to repremand me.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By mylifesucks - 16/03/2016 04:50 - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my supposedly dead sister is actually the woman that I have been traveling with for the past year. She apparently fell and hit her head and couldn't remember anything until my fiancé accidentally tripped her down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By teacher sucks - 16/03/2016 04:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got my test I studied really hard for. I got 100% with a note that says see me after class. She accused me of cheating and using my phone. I sit right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By wilhelmthegreat - 16/03/2016 04:48 - United States - San Rafael

Today, I had to advise my son not to put 'good at sexy stuff' on his résumé. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 04:37 - United States - Benton

Today, I realized that my very sexual boyfriend of 2 years has all-together stopped having sex with me for the past month, despite my constant attempts at intimacy. Not sure if him being gone all the time with his new friend is him cheating on me or avoiding me. Or both. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 04:20 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, my live-in girlfriend reminded me that, unlike my ex, she didn't have access to my bank accounts. I don't have access to hers, either. Somehow, I'm the bad guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By selfishstudent - 16/03/2016 04:12 - United States - Duluth

Today, I asked my teacher to print out my missing assignments, which followed by her calling me selfish and lazy in front of the whole class. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 04:07 - Canada

Today while shopping I realized I'm too big for clothes at regular stores and too small for plus size stores. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 543

You deserved it 13 516

Today, I saw an e-mail notification for my husband regarding a flight to New York this Wednesday. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and we have no relatives in New York. When I asked him about it, he confessed that he’s gonna see a lady he met online and that he wants a divorce. I’m due to give birth next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 121

Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 768

Today, at a Christmas party, I chatted up a hot girl. She acted indifferent and uninterested so I took the hint and stopped. Moments later, another guy chats her up and they seemingly hit it off. At the end of the party, I heard her brag to her friends how they exchanged numbers. I guess I’m not good enough for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 490

Today, after I spent the last year working overtime to prove myself at my tech job, I got an email saying I was laid off due to “strategic restructuring.” My boss posted a vacation picture right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 81

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 330