Nearly FMLs

By vegantreegirl - 16/03/2016 00:14 - United States - Tustin

Today, I'm home sick with the flu. I barely made it to the toilet before throwing up and made a huge mess. After cleaning it up, I took a shower to clean myself off. The second I finished my shower and turned off the water I vomited again. Now the drain is clogged. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 00:13 - United States - New York

Today, when I buy condoms I buy a large and a small so people in the pharmacy don't know my penis size. I usually put the small ones in the big box and throw the big ones out back. When I was doing this "routine" The pharmacist there saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By DANYAYLA - 16/03/2016 00:13 - Mexico - Juarez

Today, while on my Facebook I realized that my (now ex) boyfriend had changed his relationship status and deleted me, along with other social media sites, after a day of not hearing from him. I guess this is his way of breaking up with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By kaitjane - 16/03/2016 00:04 - Canada - Brampton

I was watching my nephew, who was not playing well with my daughter. After finally getting him to stop hitting her, he whipped a toy hockey stick at my toe, breaking it.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Samantha - 15/03/2016 23:55 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, i was at work I didn't feel very well so my boss let me go home, I was very aggravated due to the fact i was already having a terrible day only to get home to find my boyfriend of 3 years in bed with my bestfriend, he then told me he'd been sleeping with my sister to fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By CROCKIN5150 - 15/03/2016 23:54 - United States

Today, a old man asked me where the canned food was. I replied, "Sorry sir, no idea". His response? "How did your stupid ass get a job here?" and storming off. I don't even work at that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 23:54 - United States - Lansdale

Today is the day after my gallbladder surgery. I went about a month on a almost all liquid diet, absolutely miserable and sick, before they decided to test my gallbladder. Turns out they should have taken it weeks ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Chelsea - 15/03/2016 23:41 - United States - Allendale

Today, I finally opened up and cried while telling my boyfriend that I was forcibly gang raped in college. He then broke up with me because "that's disgusting" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By marinkhali - 15/03/2016 23:17 - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend met my twin brother, Colin. He thought my brother was my old boyfriend from elementary school and that our sister (triplets) is just my best friend. When I say that I am going to hang out with Colin, he thinks I'm having a quickie. It's grosser than you think to think about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By std? - 15/03/2016 23:11 - Australia - Rose Bay

Today, I finally got my first kiss. I also got tonsillitis. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 22:39 - Canada - Toronto

My gf of two years came to my workplace to surpise me. I told her that I'm a line cook but I'm really a dishwasher. I stood there in my rubber gloves, rain boots and plastic apron as she yelled in my face. She dumped me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 22:35 - Australia - Geelong

Today, while I was on the toilet, my 4 year old ran up and said "Mummy! Are you doing wee?? Daddy stands at the toilet and squeezes!!" There's an image I want of my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By NOTpregnant - 15/03/2016 22:05 - United States - Durham

Today I was asked by my friend's aunt whether or not I was pregnant. Being comfortable with my (normal weight) body, I told her no. What was surprising however, was when she asked, "are you sure?" afterwords, followed by a serious of reasons why I'm wrong. My 15 year old boyfriend just stared. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 22:03

Today, I was crying my eyes out in the break room. Over a dozen co-workers walked by and nobody even said so much as hello. The best part? I was crying because someone had thrown my coffee creamer away. So yeah, thanks for that Aunt Flow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 22:00 - United States - Cary

Today, I was teaching and turned my back to the students to write on the board. I heard a zipper, and ignored it thinking it was a pencil case. It wasn't. I was peed on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By hannah_cheers - 15/03/2016 21:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in attempt to be healthy, I bought a pre-made salad from the store. As I was opening it, it spilled everywhere. I ended up having pizza for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By liz_funkster - 15/03/2016 21:59 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out that the guys at work all keep schedule of my monthly cycles and are scheduled to take turns of "that bitch and her tantrums". When confronted, they said they were talking about another female employee. There's only one other, a 76 year old woman, who hit menopause 20 years ago.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By scoliosister - 15/03/2016 21:57 - United States - Durham

Today I was getting out of a chair and onto a bed as part of a slow recovery from a major spinal operation. The assistant dropped me. It felt like my spine was coming out of my body, and what's worse is my parents couldn't even support me through the trauma. My dad locked himself in the bathroom.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 21:55 - United States - Chandler

Today, like everyday for the past three weeks, someone asked me if I was mad. No, I'm apparently just developing a terrible case of resting bitch face. I used to pride myself on being approachable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Penguin_monkey - 15/03/2016 21:25 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I found out that my parents wouldn't spend the equivalent to $25.12 to send me to a doctor to find out why I can't breathe properly again (I recently recovered from a lung infection which seems to have come back ten times worse) FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By countryprincess - 15/03/2016 21:06 - United States - Bunker Hill

Today, I woke up and went to use the toilet. When I lifted the lid there was a huge piece of crap floating in the water. No one else was in my house and the last time I used the toilet I went #1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By SolarLunix - 15/03/2016 21:01 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was told to redo my program in a way that would apparently make it faster. I told my boss it would only slow things down but I was told to do it anyway. Not only did it make it more than 1000 times slower, I was then told to put it back the old way... I told him so... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Jayden - 15/03/2016 20:58 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I was pretty horny and I asked my boyfriend if we could have sex. He declined a few times before he finally said yes. Not even two minutes layer he made himself cum, and stated "Okay now that's it's over, video game time." And then started to play on my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By LeviOHsah - 15/03/2016 20:56

Today, a coworker mispronounced my name. I wouldn't mind if her daughter's name wasn't spelled and pronounced the same way as mine. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By TheCurvyGamer - 15/03/2016 20:43 - United States - Washington

Today, I learned why I haven't been accepted to any of the colleges I applied to yet. My mom told me she burned all the acceptance letters, and now it's too late to call any of them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Hiimhaileypotter - 15/03/2016 20:16 - United States - Spotsylvania

Today, I posted about finally ordering a better brace for the frequent aching in my knee. A friend commented about a supplement she takes that helps her. My aunt called my grandpa, telling him that "some boy" was offering me pills, and trying to get me hooked on drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By HairyPunisher - 15/03/2016 20:04 - United States - Absecon

Today, I was terminated from a job I started 2 weeks ago. The reason? I failed a drug test for marijuana. I've never smoked or consumed marijuana in my life. I moved 2 hours from home & left a 5 year job for this opportunity. They refuse to consider the possibility of a mixup or allow a retest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 19:52 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today I found out the love of my life is having a baby with someone else. I found out via Twitter, and the "someone else" is apparently his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By create42 - 15/03/2016 19:34 - United States - Concord

Today, I went shopping with my BF and for some reason when we entered the store the security alarms went off. We discovered my tampon box had somehow triggered the alarm and everything would have been fine until my BF loudly asked what I had in the box. Yes, I had to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By newlysingle - 15/03/2016 19:13 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, My girlfriend told me that out relationship was like a coupon, "worth something until it expires and should be thrown out and never thought about ever again" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my mom sent me home with some delicious-looking BBQ ribs because I'd missed a cookout due to work. I set them on the counter, intent on putting them in the oven, but had to make a quick run to the bathroom. I came back to find my roommate's cat sitting in the plate, covered in sauce, as he helped himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 429

Today, thanks to my ex-husband's misogyny, my son is now convinced girls are inherently weaker and that if he had to, he could beat any woman in a fight, even if she was a trained martial artist or a soldier, because, "Men are the stronger gender." I can kick both their asses, husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 283

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 635

You deserved it 4 893

Today, if anyone wants to know how my day’s going, I have a preteen who recently discovered the idea of death, which led to life after death, which led to "What if there is no life after death?", just non-existence, no self awareness, just oblivion. Preteen plus existential dread. God help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 124

Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 107

Today, my boyfriend was coming home after a month of being away. When I heard him knock on the door, I rushed to open it and jumped into his arms for a hug. It wasn't him; it was the mailman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 815

You deserved it 7 678