Nearly FMLs

By create42 - 16/03/2016 16:36 - United States

Today, I went to go buy alcohol for a party, and as I was checking out the clerk looks at me weird and asks where my parents were. He wouldn't believe I was 22 until he checked my ID. He thought I was 12.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By miss_me08 - 16/03/2016 16:25 - United States

Today, after insisting to everyone, especially my mom, that cutting my hair very short wasn't a mistake, I finally broke down and cried at how bad my haircut was. I will never hear the end of it from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By jinique87 - 16/03/2016 16:11 - United States - Clairton

Today, my fiance talked and hung out with my ex who hate each other. Neither will tell me the conversation and I'm about to have an anxiety attack over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By EnderHorse - 16/03/2016 16:10 - United States - Hamilton

Today, while babysitting a few young kids, I decided to take them to the park. One of the kids found a balloon he was trying to blow up. He then spat on the ground saying there was something yucky in it. The "balloon" was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ginnieminnie - 16/03/2016 16:08 - United States - Lexington

Today, after months of being told I couldn't have one, my mom got me a car. While she was driving it the gear shift stopped working. I haven't even been inside the car yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By disintegration - 16/03/2016 15:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after hours of trying to tan, I succeeded. That is, if you want a nice red tan over your whole body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Leeono - 16/03/2016 15:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss held a meeting explaining how now she has taken over, she expects me to do all the work, all my failures are my own but my successes belong to the team and that's how the higher ups will hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By InnocenceBlue - 16/03/2016 14:57 - Australia - Oxley

Today, I was feeling positive after accepting a full time position (my very first) at my current job a few days ago. That came to an abrupt halt as I discovered the company just announced its bankruptcy. All stores will close and all positions will be terminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Saschaaaaxxx - 16/03/2016 14:52 - Germany - Abenberg

Today, I got informed that my stolen passport and creditcards were found and sent to me from the German Embassy in Rome. As I got the Package, I discovered that somebody opened it and stole my passport and my creditcards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got pantsed at school. Normally it wouldn't be a problem except my "friend" pulled my boxers down as well. Everyone in the hall saw and won't stop giggling about how I'm circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 3

By Wow Really - 16/03/2016 14:33 - United States - Iron River

Today, while on a date my "boyfriend" pulled out his phone to take a pic. I playfully said," No, don't take my picture." He said, "I wasn't, I wanted you to take a picture of me." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By overachiever - 16/03/2016 14:32 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was playing football in gym class. I am a soccer player so I got competitive and pushed a girl down. I got suspended five days and I might have charges pressed on me. I'm only 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By not fair - 16/03/2016 14:05 - United States

Today, after being woken up early, by my mom, I spent hours cleaning up cat urine and hair balls. While I was still working on cleaning up the cat urine, my mom tells my younger sister how proud of her she is. My sister had done nothing all morning while I cleaned up cat piss and got not reward FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By GrossedOutSon - 16/03/2016 13:59 - United States - Dallas

Today, my dad keeps telling me I'm not good enough at anything, so I went all out on a project for school and showed it to him. He seemed disappointed so I asked him 'Is there any pleasing you?' His reply? 'Yeah, your mother does it in your bed every night when you're not home.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By taffydavis - 16/03/2016 13:40 - United Kingdom - Stone

Today, While wearing my brand new expensive trousers for work I bent down and heard a rip, not only had they of burst open I then had to carry on the day with staples in my bum as it was the only thing holding them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By srhearrell - 16/03/2016 13:35 - United States - Dayton

Today, my computer, with years of pictures videos and important tax information completely crashed. The data is unrecoverable. Good thing I have a back up drive, right? Wrong. It crashed as soon as I tried to copy its data off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chris - 16/03/2016 13:29 - United States - Memphis

Today I was helping my friend to class (wheelchair), another student decided to pick on her because she is paralyzed waist down (suicide attempt). Saying that she might as well kill herself, and made her cry. I might be facing charges for assault, and I'm too afraid to leave my friend by herself FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By headintheclouds - 16/03/2016 13:13 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I drove two hours of my three hour trip to work before stopping for petrol. It was only after filling up that I realised I'd left my wallet at home. Had to call in sick for work and drive 4 hours to pay for the petrol. And then fill my tank up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By The_ghetto_mango - 16/03/2016 13:06 - United States - Peculiar

Today, I saw my sister's 16-year-old boyfriend. She's 13, has already gotten laid, and has already had a first kiss. AND is as ugly as hell. I'm 21 and have yet to hold hands with a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Tycollie - 16/03/2016 12:40 - Australia - Oxenford

Today, I found out that all my friends have a bet on how long I will be single for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Idontlikethekkkatall - 16/03/2016 12:36 - United States

Today, I have to do a group project on why people should join the Ku Klux Klan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 16/03/2016 12:28 - Saudi Arabia - Dhahran

Today, my brother got laid. He's 13. I'm 20 and I still haven't gotten my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By redram - 16/03/2016 11:49 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I started my new job. Thinking I was going to be a cashier, like I applied for, I came dressed in the company uniform. I soon found out that I am not a cashier, but I am the man in the chicken suit that stands by the road. The temperature averages around 90° where I'm from.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By seanixjayde - 16/03/2016 11:14 - United States - Albany

Today, Not only did my aunt die last week, but my boyfriend also broke up with me. I asked him why he would do such a thing at a time when I need him most, he replied with "that's life" walked into my room and took everything he had ever gotten me. Including concert tickets to my favorite band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By APoorGuy - 16/03/2016 11:03 - United States - Washington

Today, Things were looking up, I had just found 20$ on the ground so I went and bought myself a nice lunch. Everything was going great, until I looked at the dollar bill to see it was fake. Someone used it for Donald Trump advertisement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By dafuq1 - 16/03/2016 10:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my mom a hug, told her I love her, and to have a great day as she was walking out the door to work. She mumbled, "shut up, you fat bitch" and left.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By sigh - 16/03/2016 10:22 - United States - Worcester

Today, I signed up for multiple text subscription clubs, just so I wouldn't feel so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By hanslicktenstein - 16/03/2016 10:14 - Australia - Hobart

Today, I was taking the most important test for this semester the girl sitting next to me let out the worst fart, it was so bad that my inflame nasal passage started to bleed all over my test.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By mets300 - 16/03/2016 09:56 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I discovered that it's entirely possible to get a migraine so bad that you vomit repeatedly, can't form sentences, and pass out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By tabbycacti - 16/03/2016 09:54 - Australia - Matraville

Today, me and my friend were gushing on about this cute couple, who we fake-named 'Matt and Hailey'. We did it in very close proximity to them, and there was no way they didn't hear. It turns out their names actually were Matt and Hailey. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, the last 8 spiders found in the house have all been in my bedroom. Not the kitchen, or my sister's room, or our parents' room, or front room, laundry, or garage. Always in my room. I’m the only one in the house scared of spiders. The bastards are haunting me, trying to scare me to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 148

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 143

Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 602

You deserved it 517

It's always spookier in your mind...

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 181

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 562

You deserved it 6 881

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 356

You deserved it 3 087