Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 05:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to a scheduled info session for my dream job. The posting had been up for a week, but I waited to apply in anticipation that I could better my resume after the meeting. The first thing they announced? Recruitment is closed due to the amt of apps. So much for being proactive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 05:13 - United States - Shippensburg

Today, My hand was pulled into a belt conveyor at work. Two completely severed flexor tendons later, I have surgery next week and my hand is completely useless for at least a few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By XxAnnaXxBellexX - 17/03/2016 05:04 - United States - Rosedale

Today, my brother passed away. My manager saw that my sister still came into work though I called out and made the decision to tell HR I lied. Now I have to prove his death so I don't lose my job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hermione - 17/03/2016 04:41 - United States - Irving

Today I went to a new vet for a second opinion for my sick cat. My old vet kept saying "she's getting better, bring her back in a week" but today I ended up having to put her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By No COD for me - 17/03/2016 04:34 - United States - Shippensburg

Today, My hand was pulled into a belt conveyor at work. Two completely severed flexor tendons later, I have surgery next week and my hand is completely useless for at least a few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sandpaper - 17/03/2016 04:27 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I found out I have strep throat. I also have Tourette's syndrome and one of my ticks is clearing my throat. My throat is on fire and it hurts to even swallow.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kerihessel - 17/03/2016 04:21 - Canada - London

Today, I went to a friend's Bachelorette Party. As we were leaving to go to dinner all twelve of us decided to get in one elevator, despite my hesitation. It got stuck. We had to wait 37 minutes for the Elevator Technician to come and fix it. I'm 24 weeks pregnant and extremely claustrophobic.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Six Paths of Pain - 17/03/2016 04:19 - United States - Stockton

Today, I had to be taken in an ambulance to the local E.R. for extreme chest pain and being more pale than a twilight character. Turns out that the procedure I had done to reduce my constant pain comes with the side affect of pain bad enough to send people into shock and make them pass out.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 04:10 - United States - Tempe

Today, I had construction block my complex off, not letting anybody walk out. I was having an allergic reaction and by the time I snuck out, it was too late to treat it. Just to add insult to injury, my period started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 03:55 - United States - Naperville

Today, at family dinner during my spring break from college, my mother announced that my baby sister is her smartest child. she is five and not even potty trained. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By toot-toot-turtle - 17/03/2016 03:47 - United States - Monroe

Today, some jerk decided to mess with my sister. When I told him to back off, he called us gay and walked away. I wanted to say 'if anyone's gay, it's you' but at the same time I wanted to say 'do you really want to mess with me?' so I ended up yelling across the room: "If anyone's gay it's me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 03:23 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, my mom got mad at me again because my dog bit me for the fifth time. She insisted that I must have provoked him. I was sleeping all the five times that he bit me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By glasseskeeper - 17/03/2016 03:20 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the glasses shop with my new glasses. On the way out, I tripped and scratched them. A nice, long, and big scratch. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By grandhighboob - 17/03/2016 03:17 - United States - Nashville

Today, after repeatedly asking this actress if the dress I put her in was too hot she assured me it was fine. She ended up passing out after over heating, guess who go blamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BugInEar - 17/03/2016 03:17 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, I was at the doctors office, and was told that a beetle was in my ear. I remember 6 months ago when something went into my ear..I thought it had come out right after it went in.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 03:12 - United States - Mobile

Today, I needed to go too the bathroom after a two hour exam really badly. In my haste, I accidentally went into the ladies bathroom where I found my some dude fucking my girlfriend. Best of all, I got a 79.3 on my exam... I needed an 80 to be considered to continue in the program... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 02:29 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend took me on a trip to Disney Land, where he ended up proposing. This would be great if we weren't both 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By uzumakinurto - 17/03/2016 02:23 - United States - Cisco

today as I was about to walk into a gas station i held the door open for a lady behind me. instead of the "thank you" I expected I got to stand there and listen to her call me a sexist pig and say I was oppressing her..and women wonder why chivalry is dead.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sakoman - 17/03/2016 02:22 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face. I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By huh - 17/03/2016 02:21 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, for International Women's Day, our boss called in all the female employees into the office to receive a gift. We received laundry detergent. From our American, female boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ashley - 17/03/2016 02:11 - United States - Smithfield

Today, I woke up in excruciating pain in my hips and back. I went to a local walk in and waiting 2 hours just to find out its period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Burned and Confused - 17/03/2016 02:04 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while trying to book a blow dry, I found out that my (usually) fab hairdresser was dumping me as a client. Turns out it's because my mom thought it would be a good idea to call her and make her cry after I mentioned that she'd burned my neck with the dryer last week. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 01:41 - Australia - Perth

Today, i managed to extract a piece of skin off my penis with my zipper. My fiancée thought it was so funny she had to take a pic. So funny that she felt the need to share it on Facebook and tag me in it. Thanks darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Paws_Cat - 17/03/2016 01:33 - United States - New Bedford

Today, less than 48 hours after buying and installing a brand new software upgrade for my laptop, the hard drive crashed and completely ruined. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By backisout - 17/03/2016 01:27 - United States - Burkburnett

Today, is the third day of my back being out. It didn't go out by me picking something up. I coughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Hiimhaileypotter - 17/03/2016 01:27 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have some fun in the woods. I didn't know how badly I'm allergic to poison ivy; I'm now covered head to toe and can barely think straight because I'm so damn itchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 01:19 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I got a restitution check from my rapist. I don't want to take money from him because it feels dirty, but I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Yikes. - 17/03/2016 01:04 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I put my scale in timeout because I was sick of it's lies. My fiancee came home, asked where it was, and I said "It's in timeout, thinking about what it's done. It deserves what it got." He then said, "Not having kids was a good idea, sweetie." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lextoast - 17/03/2016 00:59 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, a new neighbor popped over to borrow my can opener. I forgot that my new vibrator was sitting in its box on the counter. She definitely saw. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 00:59 - Czech Republic - Brno

Today, I was teaching a group of preschoolers how to say colours in English. I asked them to point at something of the colour that I say. When I said yellow, all of them pointed at my teeth. Apparently, they are better example of yellow than, let's say, the Sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 93

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks, plus theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 458

You deserved it 3 470

Today, I found out that my unborn son has an abnormally large head. I have an abnormally small and narrow pelvis, and I'm allergic to local anesthetic, so no epidural or spinal for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 195

You deserved it 460

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 553

You deserved it 1 579

Today, and every other day for the past week and a half, I have added a new step to my nightly routine: violently throwing up, just before bed. Fuck you, gallbladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 122

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 349

You deserved it 3 093