Nearly FMLs

By Sodone - 17/03/2016 12:33 - Australia - Melbourne

This evening my boyfriend thought he'd give me a romantic gift by catching his fart and throwing it in my face. Not only did he do this, he also accidentally threw his phone at my face in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ItsAnanya - 17/03/2016 12:22 - India - Gurgaon

Today, I haven't had my period for two months and discussed it with my mother who is a doctor. She promptly ruled out the idea of a pregnancy and when asked why, she said, "because your face is protection enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By colormeviolet - 17/03/2016 12:21 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today while eating dinner with my sister and cousin we were talking about my missing dog when suddenly my sister blurted out that she has ran him over by accident but she said not to worry because it was an "instant death". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tabypatchkid - 17/03/2016 12:18 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after working over night, I got home and started cleaning and cooking my husbands favorite meal. He called me lazy and stupid because I hadn't done the dishes yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By smaccy - 17/03/2016 12:04 - United States - Sarasota

Today, I went on a date. Today I also was presented with a significant case of explosive diarrhea. The date did not end well. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Knot4Real - 17/03/2016 12:04 - United States - Bethlehem

Today, while stuck on the toilet I heard my cat throwing up. I opened the door just in time to witness him eating his own vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Owch - 17/03/2016 12:03 - Australia

Today, I shaved "downstairs" for the first time. Today also happened to be the first time my cat tried to join me in the shower, making me slip my razor cutting myself, followed by several deep gashes from my cat to my genitals. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 11:30 - United States - Rahway

Today, I was out in a new town when my stomach started hurting. I decided to go home, but ended up getting lost on the way back. Two hours later, I finally made it, but not before my bowels let loose 10 feet from my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BellaP13 - 17/03/2016 10:38 - United States - Newton

Today, we were given a project in English that had to be done in at least pairs because it was too much to do by ourselves. I have written the whole thing and did the 6 pictures needed. I give my partner one thing to do, and it's not done and the project is due today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By oopsmissedaspot - 17/03/2016 10:30 - Australia - Byron Bay

Today, trying to be cute and sexy I was cooking in a T-shirt and G-string. My boyfriend grabbed my arse and noticed a brown dot. Thinking it was chocolate picked it up and smelt it, it wasn't chocolate. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 10:28 - Israel

Today, I'm doing a twelve hour graveyard shift through the night. In order to counter the lack of sleep I'll be suffering from later today, I'm trying to sleep now and stay awake later. My brain is panicking as I'm trying to fall asleep, filling me up with anxiety and even more fear. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By never eating again - 17/03/2016 10:22

Today, IHOP served me a French toast with an interesting ingredient- random pubic hair. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tabbycacti - 17/03/2016 10:17 - Australia - Matraville

Today, I had to awkwardly explain to my friend in the middle of a crowded library that the pronunciation of 'cement' was not 'semen', after she started rambling on about 'the semen industry'

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By aforbiddendance - 17/03/2016 10:01 - Netherlands - Uden

Today, I talked to my crush whom I met on tinder. We chatted for hours and hours before he came clean about the real reason why he swiped right: He wanted to know who the other girl in my picture was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By oops - 17/03/2016 09:49 - Australia - Perth

Today, my best friend of 7 years told me that he had a crush on me 2 years ago when we were in high school but never told me till now. I had a crush on him at the same time and still do, however he is in a relationship with my sister now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Silentbutterfly - 17/03/2016 09:29 - United States - Hauula

Today, a parent complained that "Fuller House" was an inappropriate show for her 10 yr old to watch during break in my class. She then proceeded to blast me about how I was raising my son. I don't have her kid in my class, have never spoken to the parent and my son is a 24 yr old adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SilentButterfly - 17/03/2016 09:12 - United States - Hauula

A parent complained that I showed "Fuller House" to her daughter during my class break. She felt the lang./content was inappropriate for 10yrolds, she then proceeded to blast me about how I'm raising my son. The kicker - I don't have her kid, I don't know the parent, & my son is 24 yr old adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By battered and bruised - 17/03/2016 08:35 - Australia - Koroit

Today, I was down the street with my husband and we saw some disabled people. He began mimicking and making fun of them,so I smacked his arm and told him to stop. An elderly lady saw and started beating me with her bag and umbrella while my husband kept up the charade yelling 'don't let her hit me!'

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By toozer25 - 17/03/2016 08:23 - United States - Middleton

Today, I work at a truck stop and everyday I have hundreds of people stop through, and every day I get to listen to people say they love my name followed by "you must be named after the Tasmanian devil". My name is Tasmin (yes that's my real name) and no I'm not named after the cartoon...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By urbanbigfoot - 17/03/2016 08:12 - United States - Kirkland

Today, at my warehouse job, a fellow coworker ran into me with his forklift, smashing my leg against a stack of wood product. I am pretty sure it's fractured. Any pressure I put on that leg radiates immediate pain. I have another 6 hours to go and I have to remain on my feet for those 6 hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By handlebars - 17/03/2016 07:20 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, while on my first date at a restaurant, I had to pretend I didn't see my dad sitting at a corner table with a fake mustache on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By laranicolebaby - 17/03/2016 07:16 - United States - Mission

Today, my family and I were on our way back from visiting other family for spring break. We were only an hour away from home when we got a call that my uncle had a flat tire with no spare so we had to drive 2 hours back the other way to bring him a tire. All with 3 small children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whosrob - 17/03/2016 07:03 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, my younger sister got hired by a company after only one interview and putting no effort into getting ready for it. I was recently rejected from the same company after two interviews and days of preparation. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Gabryl1312 - 17/03/2016 06:55 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I just realized that I don't have enough money to file my tax return to get my money from my tax return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 06:26 - United States - Wichita

Today, I realized I'm getting less sexual activity than I did in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By godieinafireasshole! - 17/03/2016 06:10 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I had a third date with a guy who seemed perfect in every possible way. That is until he went into a long rant about how much he hates children. I have a 10month old daughter. This fucktard actually had the audacity to suggest putting my child in foster care so we could continue dating. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By somuchregret - 17/03/2016 06:00 - United States - Kennett

Today, I took a dump at my crush's house without realizing that there was no more toilet paper. Too embarrassed to ask for more, I instead used one of his old washing rags, and then threw it out of the window. It landed on the top his car, and he later recognized the rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By five minutes of fame - 17/03/2016 05:54 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with a guy I've had a crush on for three years. This was a dream come true, except for the fact that I waited three years for five minutes and he was high and had been drinking an hour prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 05:40 - United States - Grand Rapids

My boss came down and yelled at me when she saw me on my phone. 'Kelsey get off your phone!' I jokingly told her I'd get off my phone if she called me the right name. She replied, 'You're right, I'm sorry Kylie.' My name is Karlee. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anon - 17/03/2016 05:39 - United States - Humble

Today, I decided to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time, we were being safe so we used a condom, when he came in me and pulled out, we discovered that the condom had broken and we didn't notice. I can't tell my parents, and my best friend struggled to throw a plan together to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received doesn't actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing my balance and slamming my injured toe into objects, and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 364

You deserved it 4 738

Today, I learned that my position will end in the next month. When I asked my boss about it, she told me I would have to reapply for the job to keep it. I have to pass another interview test for the job I've been working for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 168

You deserved it 280

Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 232

Today, due to the high pollen count and despite taking hay fever medicine, I passed out in the bathroom from not being able to breathe. My mother accused me of doing it on purpose to make her late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 728

You deserved it 239

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 267

You deserved it 5 274

Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 163