Nearly FML

By Roostermann25 - 19/03/2016 12:45 - United States - Kingsport

Today, I didn't have time to fix breakfast so I swung by a fast food restaurant. While waiting for my order, a woman did everything short of coughing up her lungs while preparing my food. She brought me the coughed upon Sandwich. FML

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vote type 1 1

By LGBT-WIzz - 19/03/2016 11:51 - France - Paris

Today, I was at a bar with my gay coworker who was telling how his new boyfriend turned to men 2 years ago after breaking up with his "psycho ex-girlfriend". I was laughing at the story until the boyfriend showed up. Turns out I'm the magical psycho ex who has the power to turn men gay ! FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By BenFiggy - 19/03/2016 11:43 - United States - Vicksburg

Today, I had a raging boner and I was wearing sweatpants. I kinda slumped over to hide it while I was walking to my room. I passed by my mom, and she complained about my posture, telling me to stand up as straight as I can. She wouldn't take no for an answer. FML.

agreeclassic 2

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By gamermonster - 19/03/2016 10:50 - Netherlands - Heesch

Today, my brother put a chili ghost pepper in my mouth while I was sleeping. FML

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By mikki_arlert - 19/03/2016 10:47 - Australia - Toorak

Today, while looking through the photos of the formal I didn't attend due to my anxiety, I had a major anxiety attack. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By smells like murder - 19/03/2016 10:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, somebody told me that I smelled bad everyday. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't shower and use deodorant everyday. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Nyame - 19/03/2016 10:19 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I got an ear infection. In both ears. Along with the cold I already had. Now I can barely hear, smell, or talk.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By cuteangryone - 19/03/2016 10:02 - Israel

Today, was the big party for Halloween in my town. It is a very big deal, and everyone really want to go. I bought a ticket for 20$. I was running late because I did my face-paint-makeup for half an hour. When I came to the pick up place, I missed the last shuttle to the party in 30 seconds. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 09:43 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Today, I realized that I needed a trim when I couldn't find my own clit. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By workplace bully - 19/03/2016 08:45 - Australia

Today, I was called up by my boss for an alleged case of workplace harassment, bullying and discrimination. This was all due to myself asking a co-worker to make sure he clocks in on time each shift after turning up to work 2 hours late. I was given a formal, written warning for my behaviour. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By chuckie - 19/03/2016 08:25 - Denmark

Today, I got a text from a girl I hooked up with during my ski trip. She wanted more when we came back from the trip, but I just cut off communication - until she asked if she could stay the night. I guess she just wanted one last chance to give me chlamydia for being a douchebag. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 2

By fml_anon - 19/03/2016 08:23 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my wife returned from a party with her colleagues from work. When she was lying on the bed, i laid myself down to her, put my head on her stomach/hips, and smelt the odour of latex and lubrication, the one of a condom, coming from her privates. We didnt have sex for a couple of days. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 2

By spideryann - 19/03/2016 08:20 - Gabon

Today, after my sister insisted, I agreed to meet with her friend who just broke up from a previous relation. A nice person, until she received a call from her ex and, for about 15mn, yelled at him so loudly that the whole restaurant hear the talk. Now I have to find a new favourite restaurant. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By MrLonelyHertz - 19/03/2016 07:55

Today, I managed to build up the courage to ask out a girl I've had a bit of a crush on for awhile now. According to Facebook, she's read my message asking her out.... that was hours ago; I still haven't gotten a reply. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By ellackay - 19/03/2016 07:34 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, my brain inexplicably decided that a 6-hour exam was the perfect time to methodically sing through five Slipknot albums. It was a medical entry exam. FML.

agreeclassic 4

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By what what in the butt?! - 19/03/2016 07:12 - United States - Silverdale

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex we were really getting into it then he decided to do me from behind. As he turns me over he tells me I have a wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt and pulled it out then telling me how nasty it is while throwing it away. Guess that would kill the mood. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By Music teacher - 19/03/2016 07:08 - Canada - Milton

Today, I got bitched out by a grade 11 students mother after I privately asked her daughter (keep grade 11 in mind as the student is a normal healthy child) to change her diaper as it was very obviously both visually and by scent in need of changing, an issue brought up by many students. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By No Nuts Left - 19/03/2016 07:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out the hard way that a 22-pound husky can leap over 5 feet and make a perfect landing right on my testicles. FML

agreeclassic 128

vote type 1 15

By Lilly - 19/03/2016 06:58 - United States - Medina

Today, as I was walking to the store some old guy asked me for the time. After I told him he gave me a blank stare, figuring he hadn't heard me I went to repeat myself. He did hear me and his response was, half the day is over and I still have pants on, then took them off. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By CarolYouLittleBiscuit - 19/03/2016 06:49 - Australia - Newtown

Today, I was bringing the cake to my niece's birthday party. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law's dog helped himself to it. It was in the cabinet. My mother-in-law insists it was on the counter top. Her dog is a chihuahua, who couldn't touch the counter if he tried. My niece won't speak to me now. FML.

agreeclassic 1

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By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 06:26 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was yelled at for the 100th time after working a 16+ HR shift (and still going) because some jerk couldn't pay to get his dog fixed after he shot him just to "see what would happen". FML

agreeclassic 2

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By poorwife - 19/03/2016 06:24 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to clean up shit. Not from my two year old daughter, not from my cat, but from my full-grown husband who decided it was smart to drink 2 pitchers of beer. He was covered in shit, and his shoes were filled of shit. FML.

agreeclassic 1

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By StupidHead - 19/03/2016 06:21 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my dad took me to get my hair cut. Afterwards, he told me to tip the lady $25, so I did. I found out later that he told me to tip her so it equals $25 when he got mad at me for a $48 haircut. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By swegdood - 19/03/2016 06:09 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I realized the only thing I accomplished over spring break is that I can play video games 24 hours without breaks. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By thatannoyingdude - 19/03/2016 05:56 - United States

Today, I am three weeks with a torn meniscus and ACL. I can't bend my knee and it is extremely painful, but I have to wait another two weeks until surgery because I had no insurance and a doctor wouldn't give me a referral unless I paid $500 for the visit. FML.

agreeclassic 1

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By sericane - 19/03/2016 04:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I missed class because my fiance is sick and I had to stay home with our 9 month old twins. The class I missed was the one I've been waiting for, where students anonymously review their professors. I've been looking forward to it because my math professor refuses to teach us anything. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By AshToast23 - 19/03/2016 04:50 - United States - Burlington

Today, a customer wanted an entire box of our fruit waters.. which was fine.. until I was trying to pick it up and the handle broke, causing me to punch myself in the face. FML

agreeclassic 1

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By truebells - 19/03/2016 03:56 - United States - Spokane

Today, I got news that two of my roommates were moving to a new apartment. This wouldn't be a huge issue if my other roommate didnt text me 5 mins later that we has moving out as well. I only moved in two months ago FML.

agreeclassic 1

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By confused - 19/03/2016 03:45 - Australia - Toowoomba

Today, my partner has been ignoring me completely. I spent six hours cleaning his garage and car for him and received not even a thank you. Not sure if he's on his man period or just not into me anymore. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By alyssa - 19/03/2016 03:44 - United States

Today, my mother accused me of stealimg her purse. After 20 minites of looking, it was in her room, right where she claims I stolw it from. She then took out a $10 bill and tore it in half, and ran down the stairs to tell my dad that i stole her purse and tore her money. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. I recognized him. He's the guy that broke into my car and stole my backpack two weeks ago. FML

agreeclassic 6 016

vote type 1 350

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

agreeclassic 46 740

vote type 1 5 806

Today, after I'd been working a 14-hour day, my wife texted me to tell me how she would like to kill me. Apparently, the lid to the garlic container was not screwed on tight enough and it spilled all in the fridge. How is that my fault? FML

agreeclassic 456

vote type 1 171

Today, I paid 11 dollars to see the new Wolverine movie. I arrived an hour early and waited patiently for the movie to start. 3 minutes before it began, a drunk guy stumbled in and took the last empty seat in the theater... next to me. He talked to me the whole movie. FML

agreeclassic 59 212

vote type 1 8 329

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

agreeclassic 30 187

vote type 1 5 036

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

agreeclassic 34 437

vote type 1 5 233