Nearly FMLs

By cleanerthanhisexes - 20/03/2016 03:39 - United States

Today, my husband got drunk and mentioned yet again how nasty it is to eat pussy--this time, to my best friend. He's said this in front of his friends, too. I told him it makes me afraid people will think he's saying I'm unclean. He got irate, cussed me, took sex off the table, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jesselaurito - 20/03/2016 03:33 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while i was at work a co-worker decided to tell me the whole office thought i missed work the last two days because i was having an abortion. I just found out i have cervix cancer...fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By lemonparty287 - 20/03/2016 03:32 - United States

Today, I realized what it feels like to have nonstop bleeding from your vagina for 23 days straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By theonethatcan - 20/03/2016 03:30 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I walked into my son humping a teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By No more tears baby shampoo might work too well - 20/03/2016 03:30 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I realized I have given up on ever finding a job when I started today intending to apply for jobs and instead ended up spending 12 hours creating new Wikipedia pages for 3 films, 2 tv series, a cartoon, and a handful of minor celebrities who didn't have their own pages yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GreatBigWorld_ - 20/03/2016 03:29 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I ate a whole bowl of cheesy lasagna without my lactose pill. I'm freshly diagnosed with lactose intolerance, so now I'm facing the consequences with what feels like spicy butt sex with satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IMNOTAMONKEY - 20/03/2016 03:22 - United States - Tampa

Today, I did a face switching app with my grandmother she responded "eww I look like a monkey" I told her that it was my face she replied " I need better looking grandchildren.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By StairRider - 20/03/2016 03:21 - United States

Today, my sister in college tried to go down the stairs on a mattress while my brother, sister, and her fiancé, who are all in or out of college, cheered her on. I was the only one who tried to discourage and stop her. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HDS - 20/03/2016 02:58 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up with raging morning wood. My girlfriend, who awoke next to me, immediately noticed and said, "I'll help you out!" She then proceeded to show me the infamous "blue waffle" and other related images until my boner was gone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By unluckywitcher - 20/03/2016 02:57 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, at 10:14 PM, I just finished The Witcher 3, on my last day of spring break vacation. Only after pouring my entire heart and soul into the game, and being nearly depressed when it ended, did I then realized I spent my spring break playing one game and avoiding sunlight like the plague. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By sniki - 20/03/2016 02:48 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I told my husband how it's really sweet that everyone appreciates their significant other and worries about if something bad were to happen to them. His responded flatly with a "not everyone" while looking at me straight in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By not funny - 20/03/2016 02:44 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I fell down a flight of concrete stairs, and I scratched my wrists and back up pretty badly. My sister told my whole family I have been cutting myself because she thought it would be "funny". My mom is on the phone with a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By leahrb - 20/03/2016 02:39 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I realized how sex deprived I am when I scratched an ant bite and it felt a little too good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By un fucking believable - 20/03/2016 02:34 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, my girlfriend is so clueless that when we finally had sex she didn't understand why I had to thrust inside her so many times. She actually thought men could squirt cum on demand without having to be stimulated, like taking a piss, but with cum. What happened to sex ed in this country FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Hiimhaileypotter - 20/03/2016 02:33 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, my boyfriend's and my friend found out that I'd miscarried last month. We'd tried to keep it quiet from him, because he had the same reaction we expected: He essentially said we were dumbasses for getting pregnant in the first place, and that he was glad for our sakes that it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By oreohno - 20/03/2016 02:32 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to go to the hospital for a broken arm that I got from my brother. He said he didn't mean to break my arm he was just upset that I ate the last Oreo.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 02:30 - Australia - Townsville

Today, my extended family on Facebook has stepped up their incessantly ranting about my cousin's upcoming wedding. Only two more years of this to go until the big day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By poor little stitch - 20/03/2016 02:13 - United States - West Grove

Today, I was in the hospital because I was hallucinating. My mom walked in and told me she she wanted a divorce with my father then the doctor walked in and wished me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By feelin' myself - 20/03/2016 02:01 - United States - Laramie

Today, I masturbate so much, that I actually took the time to look up how many calories masturbating burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 20/03/2016 01:52 - United States - Smithfield

Today, I took a shower, shaved and did my hair, put on some pretty lace undies and a sexy purple nightie to entice my husband for some intimate time. He turn from his computer for all of two seconds and said "I love you but..." And turned back to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 70

By KitKat - 20/03/2016 01:49 - United States - Langdon

Today, I walked in on my roommate using my hair iron to straighten their pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By uhmhaicats - 20/03/2016 01:46 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he's going to switch my days off to where they are randomly placed throughout the week. I asked him why and he told me, "Because that's what you get for trying to plan ahead." Started laughing and walked away. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ray_cash617 - 20/03/2016 01:45 - United States - Killeen

Today, my mother in law gave me something to hold while she moved things into her new apartment. When she gave it to me she specifically told me to be careful because it was quite valuable. Not only did I drop it and break it, its worth $3000 and I don't have a job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By BlackRosey_ - 20/03/2016 01:17 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower I had decided I was gonna shave my legs. While doing so the razor hit my finger and in the process ripping off the middle part of my nail and skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Buck411 - 20/03/2016 01:07 - United States - East Hartford

Today, I had a try-out for the softball team at my school. I was nervous, but I was excited to play. I haven't been able to feel my legs all day, the cold caused me to have a day long asthma attack, and I ended the try-out by twisting both of my ankles and falling on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TrustMeImADick - 20/03/2016 01:01 - United States - Greer

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a nude (3 years and no longer counting) and so she did.... Of her getting her ass tapped by my friend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cautious lesbian - 20/03/2016 01:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was called 'pretty' by the girl I like. I was quite pleased, until she added, "I hope my boyfriend doesn't cheat on me with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By I'm Into Girls - 20/03/2016 00:52 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was repeatedly told to get back together with my ex-boyfriend by my friends. I'm lesbian, and only dated him so my parents thought I was straight. I've been out of the closet to them for two months now, and my friends refuse to accept it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By 21 times this month - 20/03/2016 00:45 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I realized just how much I use my phone when I found myself keeping a tally of how many times I accidentally put my phone passcode into microwave, the keypad to open the garage door, and even my calculator in school. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ImMoreInterestedInYourBoyfriend - 20/03/2016 00:19

Today, I sat down in class next to a girl who immediately gave me a dirty look. At the end of class she turned to me and said "I have a boyfriend, perv" before angrily walking off. I'm gay. FML

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You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 541

You deserved it 4 262

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 160

You deserved it 11 486

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 889

You deserved it 17 045

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 339

You deserved it 4 527

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 899

You deserved it 2 669

Today, I was preparing to migrate the bookmarks from Edge to Brave, but during my migration process, four bookmark folders and some pages suddenly disappeared for some unknown reason. Those were saved a year ago, and they’re very important to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 135